Moonlit Fur Chronicles: Torn Fur

I was restless, I had bad dreams again. Not nearly as bad as last time, but bad enough to keep me awake. These dreams were a more mild version of the night terror. I took a shower, roamed the halls, and ate a midnight snack with warm milk. Nothing would help me settle. My inner wolf was just as restless. My wolf pawed at my insides, and growled to be released. I ventured outside and took a deep breath. The great outdoors beckoned my wolf, the various smells excited it. My wolf longed to explore the night. I struggled to contain it. Even the moon called to me, begged me to run wild and free. I had made a serious mistake. I felt my wolf throw itself against my insides. My stomach wrenched itself and spasmed. “Quinn!” I screamed, my voice turning into a howl. The wolf took control and ripped my skin apart and replaced it with thick heavy fur.

-*-*-*-*-

So many smells teased my nose, household pets, the chlorine of backyard pools, the wild animals in the woods. I tried to reign my wolf but it refused to listen to me. I raced around the forest, crashed through the underbrush, and chased small animals. Soon the night sky echoed with the panicked screams of animals as they tried to escape my reckless aimless charge. My throat was dry and itched for fresh blood to drink.

I sank my fangs into a deer that was too slow to escape me. Its spine snapped with a satisfying crunch, my inner girl despised the sound. I ripped out its throat a second and devoured its flesh. The sticky blood soothed my throat and dripped down my chin. I gobbled the small deer quickly, it felt more like a snack rather than a meal. I wanted more, I needed more. I threw back my head and howled. I wanted my prey to know I was on the hunt. They tasted better when they were terrified. The girl in me was grossed out, I grinned wickedly at her weakness. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw lights blink on. A sharp high pitched bark echoed across the darkness. Small dog was loose outside, my stomach churned with hunger. The girl in me fought to control me.

I wouldn’t let her win, not when she locked me away for so long. I surged forward and leapt over the fence that encircled my furry snack. The tasty morsel yipped and whined when it saw me. I stepped closer slowly and savored the fear ooze off the small dog. A hungry growl rolled off my tongue. The yips and whines turned into yowls of terror. I put the pathetic creature out of its misery with a wet snap. My human felt nauseous as I greedily swallowed what little meat I could rip from the bones. A violent boom roared from the house. Some stupid human shot me! I could feel rich heavy blood dripping behind my shoulder and down my leg. I bellowed in pain, I faced the light and saw a person stand over me with a rifle pointed at me. They were hurriedly trying to reload, their hands trembled pathetically. Sweet delectable fear rippled off them in waves. I could almost taste their blood pour down my throat.

My inner human raged and battled me for control. She was angry, stronger. She forced my paws into the grounds. I roared and tore my paws from the ground. I crouched low and sprung up towards the person who shakily held the gun. I landed on them, wrenched the gun free with my jaws, and sank my fangs deep into their arm. They had raised it in a pathetic attempt to defend themself. I opened my jaws, intending to rip open the person’s throat, but my jaws wouldn’t work. My inner girl wrestled with me and refused to grant me control of my body. More lights flashed deeper in the house, I heard angry and concerned voices boom from within. It was time to go. I wheeled around, my paws slick with blood. I slid out the door on my belly. The grass dried my paws. I flew over the fence and bounded away into the darkness.

I was still hungry, but I was exhausted from my gunshot wound. I fled deep into the woods. As soon as I could no longer hear the wails and sirens, I crumpled to the ground. My shoulder hurt miserably. I could feel myself lose consciousness, my inner girl gloated at my failure. She fought me for control and forced me back into the cage she kept me in. I tried to stay awake but darkness overtook me. The girl in me had finally won. My eyes rolled back in my head. My fangs fell out and human teeth grew in their place. My long snout shortened and crunched back to the weak pointed joke my girl called a nose. My body broke itself and the girl entangled me in delicate soft skin. I lost consciousness with one last mournful whimper.

-*-*-*-*-

The sun felt warm on my bare skin, my inner wolf was sound asleep. Vague memories from last night flashed in my mind. My shoulder burned with pain. The wolf stirred slightly when I remembered the taste of blood trickled down my throat. My stomach churned, vomit climbed up my throat. I rolled over on my knees and opened my mouth. A vulgar cascade of red blood and pink meat. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the horror of last night. I couldn’t remember everything, but the taste of blood, the thrill of the kill, those memories would haunt me. Tears mixed with the mess of blood and raw meat. I couldn’t stop the steady flow of vomit. I was scared and desperately worried I hurt someone. I slammed my fist into the ground and hated my body for its betrayal. I hated the wolf. My stomach twisted hard, it was finally empty. I crawled away from the bloody heap and slumped against a tree.

I heard twigs snap and leaves crunch. Someone approached. I gripped the tree, hurled myself high into the air, and landed on a branch directly above me. I was high enough for whoever approached would miss me but if they looked up they would definitely see a naked panicked girl as she hid in the tree limbs. “I can smell her, she has to be close by!” I nearly lost my grip on the tree, it was Phoenix. I absolutely didn’t want her to see me in such a vulnerable state, covered in blood, mud, and tears. What would she think of her alpha when she found out I lost control. I could see Phoenix and Kai’s heads bob closer. I felt horrible. What kind of role model was I now? Part of me wished it was Quinn who found me, part of me was glad she wouldn’t see me like this… she would hate me… My vision blurred as fresh tears filled my eyes, I reached to wipe them away. I lost my grip on the tree and fell hard. My head bounced off the ground with a dull thunk.

“There! I see her!” Kai exclaimed. They ran to me, Phoenix reached into her backpack and produced a set of baggy sportswear. “Help me,” I whimpered, I was dizzy from the impact. I was weak from last night’s activities. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry.” “Shhh Reese, just rest now,” Phoenix consoled me and lifted my arm for Kai to slip a tee shirt sleeve over it. They got me decent and gently lifted my arms over their shoulders. They carried me through the trees and up the hill to Quinn who was in the van. “No. No please,” I muttered, too weak to put up any real resistance. I couldn’t face her, not yet. Not so soon after I nearly killed her in our dorm. “Please no! Not yet,” I objected. Fresh tears of sadness, embarrassment, and pain pooled in my eyes. I couldn’t stop them. I yearned for my body to give in to the sweet embrace of unconsciousness. It once again betrayed me.

I didn’t remember much of the ride back to the house, only my unheeded begs for forgiveness. Quinn parked the van and carried me straight up to her bathroom. I couldn’t look at her, it hurt to look at her. I couldn’t look at any of my wolves, some Alpha I was, I had killed innocent animals, I was unable to control my shifts or my wolf. Quinn stripped off my bloody sportswear and sat me down on the floor of the shower. I couldn’t stop the sobs. She turned the shower on as hot as it could get. The water gradually warmed. She found a loofah, applied a thin line of body wash, and rubbed my back in gentle circles. Sobs racked my body, I begged her for forgiveness. Quinn tried to console me, but the guilt was just too much. The water splashed away most of the blood and dirt. I scrubbed my hands viciously to scrap away invisible blood.

Soon enough, my body was scrubbed and had a rosy pink glow. Quinn dried me off and dressed me in a fluffy soft bathrobe. She sat on the bed with her back against the headboard and pulled me into her lap. She wound her arms around and held me tight. My sobs finally slowed down enough that I could breathe a little. “I can’t do this Quinn, I can’t be a werewolf. It’s too overwhelming” She didn’t respond, simply held me and stroked my hair. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m a terrible Alpha. I can’t do this.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, which soothed me. She always could help me settle down. My own breaths slowed and deepened. “You are way too hard on yourself. You are doing so much better than you think we are.” “Quinn, I couldn’t control my wolf last night, it was terrible!” She looked confused, “Control your wolf? What does that mean?” I was at a loss for words, “You know what I mean. You’ve done it before.” “Reese, what are you talking about? Control your wolf? I’m so confused.”

I was puzzled. She really had no idea what I was talking about. “When you’re in wolf form, you control your wolf body….” “No I can’t,” Quinn cut me off, “No one can. At least none of our pack I’ve spoken to.” She caught me completely off guard. “But…what? How? What?” I turned around to face her, she was as dumbfounded as I was. “Whenever I’m in wolf shape, the wolf takes over. I’m just along for the ride, kinda like watching a first person wolf movie,” her words were slow and full of disbelief. “You can control your wolf? In wolf form?” I was so confused, why could I, under normal circumstances, control the wolf, but others couldn’t? Was it an alpha thing? Was it a me thing? Was I somehow special? I really needed to talk to Casey. “That kind of makes me feel a little better I guess,” I muttered after the initial shock wore off. “If no one can control their wolf, then it must not be as bad as I feel it is…” Quinn nodded, “Exactly! You’re being way too hard on yourself. Reese you are a phenomenal Alpha. You handle the pack with grace and gentleness. That’s what makes a good Alpha….a good leader.” I wanted to believe her. I needed to believe her.