Masters & Lovers Box Set One

As she draws closer, I see the flowers; violets. Small, unassuming and so.... right....

Michael nudges my elbow, trying to see past me.

"She looks... breath-taking...." I whisper.

It will not be me exchanging vows with her today.

And I have only one vow for her....

You will always be my Virgin.

But I have a job to do. Raising the brightest smile I know how, I murmur to Michael. My closest friend. My friend of years. The man I trust most in the world. "I don't think you're going to be disappointed."

And as she finally moves into his view, as Charlotte and Michael see each other, his lips part and his eyes widen. And she bursts into a sunbeam smile.

Richard leans close in, whispering something to her, then taking her hand, offers it to Michael. Bride and Groom stand side by side.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here...."

*****

.... "The ring, please." says the Minister.

I slip the small thing, so tiny a thing, to carry such meaning, from my pocket, wondering how the Minister will react. Perhaps he doesn't notice as Michael places the white-gold circle on her finger, to nestle by its red-gold companion already there.

A part of me dwells on the time when I too, so long ago, placed a ring on a woman's finger....

Then, I realise Charlotte is watching me.....

.... So, I grin and wink.

*****

".... I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Michael lifts the veil, tossing it back over Charlotte's copper-red tresses to free her face....

Her beautiful face....

He stoops to kiss her, softly, on the lips.

And it comes crashing down on me...

.... The reality of what I am doing...

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What I have done.

What have I done?

I've given her away...

I have given the Love of my Life to another man.

Whatever I say, however I wrap it in clever words, however I try to justify it to myself, or to them, on the register, it will not be my name next to hers.

My gut clenches and pain stabs at my temples. Stomach roiling, I regret the breakfast I was so glad of a few hours ago.

All I can do is try to mask the emotion, to keep it from my face.

Michael breaks from the kiss, his face bright, hers radiant, but as her gaze passes to mine, her smile fades and her lips part.

Then she, like me, blanks her expression, turning to her husband.

Her husband....

Outside the church, we stand by the door, the congregation trailing past, a gaggle of cousins and aunts and uncles from Michael's family, all grinning and mouthing congratulations as endless hands are shaken, endless cheeks kissed....

I have no idea who any of them are except for Michael's parents, standing in line next to Ben on one side, a beaming Michael and his new bride on the other. They seem pleasant enough people, in a 'Yes dear. No dear.' kind of way. I wonder what they make of having produced two such different offspring.

Jerking back from my introspection, I find that my hand and mouth have been operating on automatic pilot, apparently making appropriate remarks without the intervention of my brain. But like a driver suddenly realising the car in front is far too close, something in my subconscious is jumping up and down, waving a red flag, screaming for my attention.

Marie...

She stands before me, part of the line of people trailing past, definitely lingering, offering me one of her mindless smiles. "Hello again, James."

And with horror, it dawns that I am expected to kiss her.

Perhaps I can get away with shaking her hand...

Taking hold of as little of Marie as good manners permit, I try to shake, let go... "Hello, Marie. Thank you for coming...."

Fuck off, Marie....

.... But she's not releasing my hand, instead, pressing my fingers with hers, increasing the pressure, pulling me towards her.

Oh, get it over with....

I lean in, keeping my body as far from actual contact as I can and give her the briefest of pecks on the cheek. But as I start to pull away, she whispers, "Perhaps I'll see you later, James?

*****