Marriage For One

The remnants of whatever guilt I was still holding on to that seemed to keep me back or make me hesitate when it came to Rose had disappeared overnight. I didn’t care about anything I’d done to be with her. I knew the truth, and that was enough.

She was sitting next to me on the spacious couch, leaning over a small cup she was holding in her hand. She didn’t want me to see her like this, but I wasn’t budging from her side no matter what she said. So, as a result of that, I was watching drops of a clear liquid—which was quite possibly brain or spinal cord fluid—very, very slowly drop into the cup. It’d already been twenty minutes since the nurse had brought us in there, and we still had at least another two inches to fill before it reached the point where it’d be enough for them to test the sample.

“If I tap the other side of my nose it comes out faster.”

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs, watching her nose intently as her eyes flitted to me and then back to her slowly filling cup. I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t understand what she had meant, so I didn’t think to stop her until I saw what she was doing. When I realized she could be harming herself, I caught her left hand before she could start tapping on her nose again.

“Stop doing that.”

She heaved a long sigh and leaned back, her right hand, which was holding the cup, slightly trembling, her left one tightly held in mine. She didn’t pull away, and I didn’t plan on letting her go.

“What’s wrong? Does it hurt?” I asked, trying to understand what was going on.

Her eyes glanced to me and then back to the ceiling. “My head is spinning too much, Jack. I think I need a break. How long has it been?”

“You chose this instead of the MRI. It was either this or that.” Our shoulders brushed as I let go of her hand and reached over to take the cup from her.

“I know, Jack. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She had no idea how angry I was, how helpless and useless I felt because there wasn’t anything I could do to help her in this situation other than sit my ass right next to hers and make her understand that I would be there no matter what happened, which didn’t seem to do anything.

“You’re sure you don’t need to be at your office?” she asked to the ceiling.

“I’m not leaving, so you can stop trying to send me away. Come on. We only have a little more then we can get out of here.” I glanced at her, waiting with the cup in my hand. I wanted to get out of there just as much as she did, if not more.

“This isn’t an allergy, Jack. I am leaking CSF. You know that, right?”

I agreed with her. I’d never seen anyone go through anything like this before, but I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut. “We don’t know that yet. You heard what the doctor said.”

She shook her head from side to side, slowly. “Actually, I didn’t. I just zoned out when you started asking all those questions.”

I reached out and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Come on, just a little more. Then we can go.” She licked her lips and I noticed her eyes getting all glossy again. “If you start crying, I’m going to lose it and we’re going to have a problem.”

She chuckled, wiping at her eyes. “I’m not crying. I’m not gonna cry.”

She tried to take the cup from me, but I held it up for her, my arm resting across her leg. “Let me hold it for you. Come on.”

Her eyes met mine and I gestured to the cup with my head. She dropped her head forward and the first few drops started coming. A few seconds later, her left hand curled around my wrist. At first I thought maybe she was trying to line up the cup right under her nose, but when I looked closely, she had her eyes tightly closed and was biting her lip.

I cursed myself for not being better in a situation like this. My family hadn’t been any better than hers. Not as bad maybe, but still not better. I had a family, but not really. I didn’t know exactly how to be there for someone because I hadn’t seen anything like it in my family. This felt much like trying to find my way in the dark. But it was Rose. I didn’t mind if I crashed into everything as I tried to find my way, the only thing that mattered was being there for her. She had me now.

I wanted her—that was crystal clear to me. That first time I’d seen her at the party, I’d been intrigued by her, but it had been different then. It wasn’t love at first sight. Like she had said the day I proposed our business deal to her, I wasn’t romantic enough for that, but that first night, seeing her with her fiancé, and not even that…just seeing her smile at him—I’d wanted that smile she had for her fiancé to be mine. That was it. That was everything.

That was how it all had started, me wanting her in my life, and now after our fake marriage, things had started to change. It was more than I should help her out of this situation. I was starting get to know her—her quirks, her likes, dislikes, the way she reacted to the things I said. It was now more than just wanting to have her in my life. I wanted her to want to be in my life. As much as I knew I was a bastard for lying to her and knew I was going to keep lying to her, I wished I could be someone different, someone who would know all the right things to say to make her stay.

I knew that wouldn’t be the case when it was all said and done, because I was not that guy. She deserved someone warm and open, and yet, selfish bastard that I was, I couldn’t and wouldn’t think of her being with someone else. Cold and distant was what I’d grown up with, and cold and distant was what I had become. It didn’t bother me in any other part of my life, but with Rose, it did.

When her hair dropped and curtained her face, I pushed it back again and curled it behind her ear. Instinctively, I ran the backs of my fingers along her jawline, and her fingers tightened around my wrist. My jaw clenched, and I moved my hand behind her neck, trying to massage her muscles and help her relax. The more our skin stayed in contact, the more I had trouble keeping myself in check and not pulling her head up so I could kiss her again. Both times we had kissed, I hadn’t gotten enough of her taste. She somehow left me wanting more, each and every time, and she was like that with everything, not just the way she kissed. It was even that way with her smiles. Ever since that first night, this whole thing had started because I’d wanted more. Would I ever get enough?

“One drop every seventeen seconds,” she murmured, drawing me out of my thoughts. “A single drop comes every seventeen seconds. We’ll be here for hours.”

Her tight hold on my wrist hadn’t loosened a bit. “It’ll be over soon,” I murmured, my hand still on her neck.

“My head is spinning so much,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

I couldn’t help it. I slid closer to her and found myself pressing a lingering kiss on her temple. Her head snapped to the right and we lost one drop to the ground. When she caught my eyes, she looked down again, clearing her throat.

“Talk to me, Jack.”

I gentled my voice as much as I could. “What do you want me to talk about?”

“Just let me hear your voice. Distract me. You never talk about your family.”

“There isn’t much to talk about. We don’t talk.”

It wasn’t that I was uncomfortable talking about my family, I just didn’t see the point. Rose had been closer to me these last few weeks than they’d ever been. I wouldn’t lie and say I never wished to have a more close-knit family, but wishing didn’t change anything.

“Why?”

“No specific reason. We all work a lot, and none of us have time to spare or the inclination.”

“What do they do?”

“My mother is a psychologist, and my father is an investment banker.”

“No siblings, right?”

“No siblings.”

“Why did you want to be a lawyer?”

I thought about it and realized I didn’t have a straight answer. “I don’t know. It was always something I found intriguing. Lydia, my mom—her dad was a criminal lawyer and I used to think the world of him, so it felt natural to go into law. Plus, I’m good at it.”

“You call your mom by her first name?”

“Yes. She preferred that, I think, after a certain age.”

“You didn’t want to go into criminal law like your grandfather?”

“I considered it for a time, but turns out it’s not my thing.”

“Is your grandfather still alive?”

“Unfortunately, no. He passed away when I was thirteen.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jack. You’re not so close with your family, then?”

“No. Like I said, we grew apart.”

A few minutes passed in silence.

“How much more?” Rose asked.

“Just a little. You’re doing great.”

She snorted, and when more liquid came rushing down, her grip on me tightened. “You have no idea how weird this feels.”

“I can imagine.”

Another twenty minutes passed much the same way. With each passing minute after the one-hour mark, she started to get paler.

“How are you doing?” I asked, my voice coming out gruffer than I wanted.

“Not so good. I feel nauseous and I’m starting to get a headache.”

“That’s normal. You’ve been hanging upside down for an hour now. Do you want to take another break?”

As an answer, she pushed her head up, and I had to let go of her neck so she could rest it on the back of the couch.

I studied the cup as she took a few deep breaths. “Another ten minutes or so and you’ll be done.”

Opening her eyes, she also examined the cup, which was almost three inches full. “When do you think they’ll be able to tell?”

I frowned at her. “Didn’t you hear what the doctor said?” When she gave me a blank stare, I continued. “He’ll rush it for us. Thankfully they can do the test here so we’ll come back tomorrow and learn what’s going on.”

Sniffing, she nodded and took the cup from me. “Your hand must be going numb. I’ll hold it.”

“I’m fine. I don’t mind.”

“I know, but I do.” Closing her eyes, she took another deep breath and bent down again, making sure the cup was aligned correctly.

When her left hand curled around her knee, without thinking I grabbed it and linked our fingers together. This time, she didn’t look at me, and she didn’t try to pull away either. We just held on.

I wasn’t sure which one of us was holding on tighter, but we stayed like that for the rest of the ten minutes and then finally the cup was full enough to stop.

“Okay. Okay, Rose. It’s done.”

She opened her eyes. “Done?”

“Yeah.” I took the cup from her and snapped on the cover they had left us. I kissed the back of her hand, but had to let it go as I stood up. “You rest for a few minutes and I’ll get this to the nurse.”

Wordlessly, she nodded and leaned back.

It took me a few minutes to track down the nurse and hand the cup to her. When I got back to the room and gently closed the door, Rose’s eyes opened. “Can we leave, Jack?”

“I think you should sit for a few more minutes. Here, take a few sips of this.” I handed her the water bottle I’d gotten for her.

She downed a third of the bottle. “What time is it?” she asked in a rough voice as she was tightening the top back on.

“It’s one PM.”

Before I could stop her, she was up on her feet, and almost just as quickly she swayed back and forth. “Whoa.”

“For fuck’s sake, sit down!” I grumbled as I caught her arms before she could fall. “You’ve been sitting with your head between your legs for longer than an hour. You’re not gonna get up and start running around.” I tried to soften my rebuke. “Take it easy for a second. For me at least.”

She just kept her grip on my forearms and, as always, ignored what I’d just said. We had reached for each other at the same time. “I need to get back. I don’t want to keep Owen longer than necessary.”

“I know, and you will, but right now you need to sit your ass down and get well before you attempt to work for the rest of the day.” As much as I admired how hard she’d worked to get that place up and running, this was not the time for her to run around and get herself even more sick.

She looked up at me and nodded. That usual light, spark—call it whatever you want—was gone from her eyes. She looked scared and tired, and that pissed me off even more.

I helped her sit down and lean back as I took my spot next to her and managed to pry the water bottle out of her hands.

“I was going to drink that.”

“You’ll have it after you’ve rested enough that you can stay up on your own two feet and hold a water bottle at the same time.”

That earned me a sideways glance that I ignored. I was hoping for her to snap back at me like she always did. That was why I always provoked her, because I loved seeing that heat in her eyes, but she didn’t respond, and for her, even that side eye had been pretty weak.

As she was resting with her eyes closed, I leaned back too, my shoulder brushing hers. I ran a hand up and down my face, my stubble pricking my hand, having grown longer than what I was used to. Now, we’d have to wait twenty-four hours. It didn’t sound like much, but I didn’t know how I was even going to make it through the day yet.

Rose leaned to her left and hesitantly rested her head somewhere between my shoulder and chest. My body froze for a quick heartbeat. When it looked like she was settled, I gently pulled my arm away so she could get more comfortable and rested it on the back of the couch.

“How do I look, Jack?” she asked.

I couldn’t see her or her eyes, so I kept my gaze straight ahead on the white wall with the red poster.

“Like death warmed over,” I said.

I could hear the smile in her voice when she responded a few seconds later. “I can always count on you for compliments, can’t I?”

“That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

I wasn’t clear on how long we sat there like that, me breathing in her scent, but after a few minutes passed, my dick started stirring in my pants. It wasn’t the first time it had happened around her and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last either, but the timing was wrong, as it always was when it came to her. I didn’t know if her eyes were open or not, but to be safe, I rested my left arm across my lap in the hopes of hiding the rapidly growing hardness I knew was noticeable through my pants.

When her hand came on top of mine, adding more weight to what was already a painful situation for me, I groaned and closed my eyes. I was aware of every inch of her that was pressing against my body, and I couldn’t fucking do anything in that room.

She turned my watch enough so she could see the time then started playing with my wedding ring, just like I’d played with hers plenty of times.

“You never took it off,” Rose whispered.

I closed my eyes and tried my best to ignore what I was feeling. No, I never took it off. Didn’t want to take it off.

“I’m feeling a little better. We should leave,” she said after a few minutes.

When she was around, I felt like I had no control over myself. So, leaving worked just fine for me—if she really felt fine, that is. “Are you sure?” I felt her head move up and down on my chest in a nod, because her rubbing her face and scent all over me was exactly what I needed so I could think about nothing but her when I was back at the office. “I’ll drop you at Around the Corner then I need to go to the office.”

“Jack?”

“Hmm.” Finally, she lifted her head and looked up at me. With her warmth gone, I felt colder. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I gave myself permission to touch her, in the name of helping her. I pushed back her hair that would not stay in place behind her ear. “Listening.”

“This wasn’t the deal.”

My forehead creased. “What deal?”

“Our marriage deal,” she said slowly.

Right. My brilliant idea. “What about it?”

“I’m aware that this isn’t what you signed up for. Let’s not fool ourselves—this is probably what they think it is. Two doctors, one of them a fancy ENT specialist, think this is most likely CSF, so I don’t know how or when I’ll be able to accompany you to your work events and dinners, but at least if the coffee shop tanks you’ll get the property faster and you won’t have to do the free rent—”

“Let’s not worry about that now. I can get away with not attending by saying my wife is having health issues, and we’ll pick it up from where we left off once you get better.” I didn’t plan on going to any dinners, but she didn’t need to know that.

She looked away from me. “Okay. I just know I’m breaking the rules, and if there is anything else I can do to make up for it, you can just—”

I stood up and, with my back to her, quickly rearranged myself to hide my uncomfortable erection. I faced her and met her confused gaze as I offered my hand. She took it after a short pause.

“We didn’t set any rules, Rose. If necessary, we’ll make them along the way. Let’s just focus on your health for now. I wouldn’t take you anywhere like this even if you wanted me to.”

She got up with my help then stared at me with her piercing eyes, a smile breaking out on her face, which didn’t help what I had going on in my pants at all. I frowned harder.

“I think you’re nothing but bluster sometimes, and I also think I might have gotten the better end of the deal by marrying you.”

I arched an eyebrow at her as I opened the door to the hallway.

“Come on, Jack Hawthorne, help me end my day with a high. Let me count to six. Show me that smile. You can do it—I know you can. It’s in you.”

I couldn’t have held back my laughter even if I’d tried. Then she just kept staring up at me as we started walking. She had this crooked but beautiful and expectant smile on her face as she tried to keep up with my steps. That was what I’d wanted from day one, wasn’t it? To be on the receiving end of that smile?

I would fight for her when the time came. I would fight with everything I got. “Stop grinning and walk faster. I can’t wait around for you the entire day—you’re making me late to work.”

When we exited the building, Raymond was waiting for us. It took us almost an hour to get her to work, and when we finally made it, I walked her up to the door.

“Looks like we have a full house,” she commented, staring inside before turning back to me. “So…I already made you late. You should leave.”

I had my hands in my pockets, my best protection against reaching for her. I nodded. “Yes. I need to leave.”

We didn’t move.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, trying to stay longer.

She winced and took a deep breath. “Still a little nauseous, to be honest, but better. The headache feels like it’s a permanent thing now.” She gently touched her nose. “This stopped for the time being.”

“When we know for sure tomorrow, you’ll feel better. Eat something as soon as you get inside.”

“I’ll do that.”

When the door opened behind her and two customers walked out, we had to move to the side, to the right of all the flowers she had put up. Her eyes caught on them as well.

“They look good, don’t they? I wanted people to take photos in front of it and post on social media so it can be its own advertising.”

“That’s smart.”

She smiled shyly, and even that looked beautiful on her. She hugged her coat tighter to herself. “It’s going to snow soon. It’s getting colder. I want to change out the roses for a winter theme with big beautiful wreaths on every window, and something for the entrance too. It would look gorgeous for winter and Christmas, but if I end up having surgery—”

“There are easier ways to ask for my help. You don’t have to resort to histrionics.”

She chuckled, and finally some warmth returned to her eyes.

“Okay. Will you help me? I’d like to do it with you again. Maybe that could be like a little tradition too. Not for show, for us.”

“I will.”

I looked over her shoulder and saw her two employees watching us with concerned faces. They were probably anxious to hear what had happened.

I gestured inside with my head. “Sally and your other employee are watching us.”

“Owen. His name is Owen.”

As if I didn’t already know.

She looked back and sent them a quick wave with a smile.

“So you have to work from your office today, huh?”

Did she want me to stay? If she asked, I would.

I checked my watch. “I rescheduled yesterday’s meetings for today, so I need to get back to them.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah. Then I shouldn’t keep you.”

I wanted her to keep me forever.

She pulled her hands out of her grey coat’s pockets and took a step forward. Placing one of her hands on my shoulder, she reached up and pressed a kiss on my cheek. “Thank you for today. It means the world to me,” she whispered into my ear.

“I didn’t do anything.”

My control, already frayed as it was, could handle neither her sweet kiss nor the whisper. I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her against my body before she could back away.

Her wide eyes were staring straight into mine while she was still holding on to my shoulder, so I kissed her like that. As I held her waist tightly, I parted her lips with my tongue and kissed her until she slowly relaxed in my arms letting me have her. When I tilted my head and sucked her tongue, a small gasp escaped her and she closed her eyes, pressing her body into mine even more. Then her tongue slid against mine and she turned eager. As the rush of pleasure started to get too intense for an outdoor kiss as people walked by us, I had to slow it the hell down, but even with that, I took my time and kissed her swollen lips a few more times, just for myself, just little pecks, just to hold me over until the next time I could get away with tasting her.

When her eyes opened lazily, I explained, “Your employees—”

“Are watching,” she interrupted, a little out of breath and flushed. “I guessed as much. Good kiss. You’re getting better and better. Practice seems to be working. No sighting of a turtle, but was it maybe a little bit because you wanted to kiss me too?”

I chuckled, and her eyes dropped to my lips.

“Yes, it wasn’t just for your employees,” I admitted, leaving it at that.

It was only because I wanted to kiss her. The only thing I had been about to say was a reminder that she had people waiting.

“Six.” It was just a soft whisper, but it was more than enough to stir my dick even further after our short-lived kiss.

“Go inside, Rose. Try to sit down for a while before you jump back into everything.”

Nodding, she turned away.

“Don’t work too much,” I added.

“I’ll talk to you later?” She opened the door halfway and looked back at me.

“Yes.”

Her smile was another favorite of mine, sweet and happy. “Okay then.”

When I came back to Around the Corner two hours after dropping her off, the smile she gave me, the one that made her eyes sparkle in surprise and happiness—it became another favorite as I guided my client to one of the corner tables and had my meeting, feeling Rose’s eyes on me the entire time.

I hadn’t been able to stay away after all.

The next day we were sitting at the ENT’s office again as he gave us more information about Rose’s sickness. He said everything the other doctor had said to Rose before, and whenever I cast a quick glance her way where she was sitting next to me, her eyes were glazed over. I didn’t know how much of it she actually heard. Her hands were grasping the arms of the chair in a white-knuckled grip, so I didn’t think my touch would be welcome. Instead, I asked every single question that came to my mind about her upcoming unavoidable surgery.

“After we see the results of your MRI and the CT scan, we’ll schedule your surgery.”

Rose cleared her throat and interrupted the doctor. “I’m sorry for interrupting you, but I’m claustrophobic—is there any way we can avoid the MRI scans if we already know from the samples that this is a CSF leak and I’m gonna have surgery anyway?”

“I’m afraid not, Mrs. Hawthorne. Since you didn’t have a head trauma or any other injuries that could cause a CSF leak, we need the MRI to see if…” The doctor’s eyes flicked to me and then back to Rose again. “We need to see if there are any tumors that would create pressure on the membrane and ultimately cause the leak. We’ll also need to see where exactly the leak is. We need to know everything before we can go in.”

My body tightened, my anger boiling over. A brain tumor?

Rose crossed her arms against her chest. “Can I have an open MRI? Is that possible?”

“I’m afraid the specific scan we need, the open MRIs can’t take.”

“Okay, I understand.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll have a better game plan on what the next step will be.”

Much to Rose’s and my horror, they managed to squeeze her in for the MRI and the CT scan as soon as we were out of the doctor’s office. We took the elevator down to get to the radiology department in complete silence. I didn’t need to ask her if she was okay; I already knew she wasn’t. I wasn’t either, but I still felt the need to hear her say something…anything. The doors opened and we got off after an older couple holding hands.

“Rose—”

Her eyes slid my way and then she quickly looked down. “Brain tumor sounds fun, huh? That was something I hadn’t thought of. Oh, there’s radiology.”

She didn’t even give me a chance to say anything, and in a few minutes she was guided into a small room where the radiologist, a young girl with round glasses and an easy smile, told her to take off her shoes, bra, jewelry, and belt along with any metal objects and place them in the secure locker. When she came out after a few minutes, she looked paler than she had when she’d gone in. Her hair was down in soft waves around her, the hair tie that had been holding it up gone.

I could only focus on the way her hands were trembling. When she noticed it herself, she hid them behind her back. I tried to catch her gaze more than a few times, but it looked like she was purposely avoiding me. The shimmer of tears in her eyes was another issue, and my chest tightened at the sight of her trying to be brave.

She followed the technician into the room, her steps faltering when she saw the tunnel-shaped machine. I watched as she hugged herself with one arm and then quickened her steps.

The technician was holding a weird contraption in her hands, waiting for Rose next to the machine.

“You can lie down on the table now. We’ll need to place this on your head so we can keep it stable in the machine.”

Rose stood still in her spot. “I…I’m a little claustrophobic. Is there any way we can skip that thing if I promise I won’t move my head?”

“I’m sorry, but we have to use it.”

A cage—it was a cage for her head.

Rose nodded but didn’t make a move to get on the table.

The technician pushed forward. “It’ll only take fifteen minutes or so to complete the scan, and I will be right on the other side of the glass.” She held up a small button connected to a long wire. “You’ll be holding this in your hand, and if you start to panic, you can press it and we’ll stop and take you out.”

“But then we’ll have to start again, right?”

“I’m afraid so. Ready?”

My jaw clenched, my hands forming fists on their own. I didn’t like this, and Rose wasn’t moving.

She laughed, the sound broken and wrong. “I’ll move any second now, promise.”

The technician smiled.

“Can I stay in the room with her?” I asked, the anger in my voice loud and clear, only I wasn’t angry at anyone there. I just hated that my hands were tied and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t help her. Me staying in the room wouldn’t change the fact that she was gonna have to go in there, but I figured it would help me, if not her.

Rose’s head snapped up to me, her lips parting. “Jack, you don’t have to do that.”

I ignored her. “Is it safe?” I asked the technician, trying my best not to growl at her. I didn’t think I was that successful because her eyes grew large and she nervously reached up to push her glasses up her nose.

“Erm, yes. It’s safe, but you’ll need to take off your—”

“Got it.” I turned away and walked out of the room to take care of everything. Less than a minute later, I was back.

Rose was still standing on her two feet and not on the table.

“Okay?” I asked when I was standing too close yet not close enough.

She took a deep breath, let it all out, and nodded. I offered her my hand and waited as she ran her palms up and down her leggings and then slowly grasped mine. It was cold. I helped her up, and right when she was about to lie down on her back, the technician stopped her.

“Oh, I’m gonna need you to lie on your stomach.”

Rose straightened up to a sitting position immediately, one of her hands still in mine, her grip as tight as possible. “What?” she sputtered.

“The scan your doctor wants is taken facedown.”

“But my nose—it’s—and…” Her eyes came to me as her face started crumpling, her breathing too fast. “Jack, I won’t be able to breathe, not facedown. I can’t—”

I gave Rose’s hand a squeeze and she stopped talking. Without shifting my eyes from hers, I addressed the technician. “Could you give us a moment, please?”

Rose’s gaze followed the technician as she stepped out of the room and closed the door. She was on the verge of hyperventilating, and the scan hadn’t even started.

“You’re going to be late to the coffee shop, and on top of that you’re making me late, too. We have to do this, right? You heard the doctor.”

She swallowed, her throat moving.

I caught her chin between my fingers and forced her gaze to meet mine. Arching an eyebrow, I asked again, “We have to do this. I need you to be okay, so we can’t avoid it.”

Licking her lips, she nodded. “I won’t be able to see anything. The room is closing in on me even right now.”

Her chest was starting to rise and fall faster; she was seconds away from a panic attack, so I leaned down until we were eye level. “You can do this, Rose. You will do this, and then we’ll get out of here. It’ll only take fifteen minutes—surely you can hang on that long. I’ll be here the entire time, and once it’s done, we won’t look back.”

She closed the distance between us and rested her forehead against mine. “I know I’m being stupid. I’m sorry. I’m scared, that’s all. I—” She took another deep breath and closed her eyes. “I’m gonna have surgery, for crying out loud—if I freak out with this, I won’t make—”

My left hand, the one that wasn’t in Rose’s death grip, clenched. “Let’s worry about this hurdle, and then we’ll start freaking out about the surgery. Take the time to think about your coffee shop. Make plans.”

Pulling back from me, she sniffled and nodded, her eyes suspiciously wet.

“You ready now?” I asked.

“You’ll really stay here?”

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

The edges of her lips moved up. “Yes, you did.” Another deep breath out. “If I didn’t worry about what you’d think of me, I’d try my best to run away from this right now.”

I gave her a long look. “I can run faster than you. I’m calling the technician back in and we’ll get this done.”

Another stiff nod and she pulled her hand back to rest it on her thigh.

I called the technician back in and she moved to Rose’s left side. “All set?”

When Rose didn’t answer, I gave the girl a curt nod.

“Since you were worried about the leaking, we’ll put this paper down under your nose so hopefully it won’t distract you too much. Also, it’s going to be loud in there, so here are your ear plugs. The sounds are completely normal, so don’t let them panic you.”

The technician offered another pair to me as Rose took them without a word and placed them in her ears.

“Ready?” the girl asked, her gaze moving between mine and Rose’s.

Rose cleared her throat. “Yes.”

She secured her head in the contraption, and I helped her lie down on her stomach. Her eyes were already tightly closed.

Before the technician could disappear behind the door, I got her attention.

“Can I touch her?”

“Yes, but try not to move her.”

The door closed, and Rose and I were alone—if you didn’t count everyone else on the other side of the glass, that is.

A few seconds later, the technician’s voice filled the room as she spoke into a mic from the other side. “Okay, we’re about to start, Rose. I’ll be talking and letting you know how many minutes are left. Here we go.”

Just as the machine started up, I put my hand on the only part of her body I could reach without pushing my arm into the tunnel: her ankle. I forced myself to relax so my grip wouldn’t be painful, but I wasn’t sure how successful I was with that. At first I could hear her erratic breathing as she tried to inhale and exhale in an effort to calm herself down, but when the noises started getting louder and louder, I couldn’t hear anything.

As minutes passed and I started to get more anxious by the second, all I could do was gently run my thumb up and down under the edge of her legging. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the way my heart was hammering in my chest. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. It was just a simple, painless MRI scan, but her panic had affected me as well, and I had trouble just standing still when all I wanted to do was pull her out so she wouldn’t hurt and I wouldn’t see that scared and worried look in her eyes again.

As the machine’s jackhammering sounds picked up and all the banging and thumping and beeping started to get to me, I just circled my fingers around her ice-cold ankle and held on, hoping she was doing okay in there and hoping that I was waiting for her.

“We have just a few minutes left. You’re doing great.”

“It’s almost over, Rose,” I said in a normal voice. I didn’t think she could hear me over the maddening sounds or through her ear plugs, but just in case she could, I kept talking to her, saying the same thing again and again. “It’s almost over. I’m right here. You’re almost done. I’m right here with you.”

“And it’s done,” the girl said cheerfully through the speakers. “I’ll be right in to get you out.”

The loud beating in my skull stopped and I realized the machine had as well. The technician opened the door and walked in. I let go of Rose’s ankle and clenched my hand a few times as I stepped back to let the technician do her job and get Rose out of there so I could get to her.

The moment the table started to slide out of the machine, Rose started moving. Just as her head cleared the opening and I saw her profile, my heart sank. She looked worse than I’d expected, and I’d expected it to be quite bad already. I took a step forward then stopped, clenching my fists at my sides. The second she could, she got up to her hands and knees, her eyes wide open, tears rapidly coursing down her cheeks in rivulets. Her entire body was shaking, her breathing frantic, as if she couldn’t quite remember how to breathe. Other than the shallow and harsh breathing, she wasn’t making a single sound. Sitting back on her heels, she started to push back the contraption on her head until the technician helped her and released her from it.

“Give me a minute and we’ll help you down.”

Rose didn’t listen to her. I doubt she even heard her. She pushed her legs out from under her and tried to put her foot on the little ladder they had, but her legs didn’t hold her up and she stumbled. I rushed forward and caught her before she could fall on her face. She fisted my button-up shirt in her hands, but with her eyes swimming with tears, I doubted she could even make out any of my features.

My jaw set, I got my arm under her legs and lifted her off the table and into my arms. The fact that she didn’t protest only wound me up tighter. Her arms rounded my neck and she pushed her face into my neck, her tears running down my skin.

Without a word to Rose or the technician, I quickly walked out of the room with her clinging to me and moved back into the small space where we had gotten ready. I closed the door behind us with my shoulder and gently sat down on the bench next to the wall. I stayed quiet until her breathing was finally on its way to getting back to normal.

“It’s over now. Calm down.”

Her head moved just a fraction, but she still stayed put. I closed my arms a little tighter around her, just holding her close.

She pressed her palm high on my chest and held it there. “I can’t…I can’t seem to catch my breath, Jack.”

I closed my eyes. Her voice was scratchy, and it bugged the hell out of me. “You’re doing fine. Just keep breathing and that’s enough for now.”

Her chest moved against mine when she released a small snort. “That’s enough?”

“That’s enough.”

She burrowed in closer. “I’m sorry—for embarrassing you, for freaking out, for not being able to move right now even though your shirt and skin are soaked with my tears and some brain fluids.”

My eyes still closed, I dropped my head back with a small thud against the wall. She was killing me.

“I was fine the first ten minutes or so,” she whispered, pushing her forehead into my skin. “But then I couldn’t breathe. My head started spinning like crazy and the tears just started coming down on their own. I was afraid they were gonna stop and start it all over again, so I don’t even know how I stopped the shaking.”

I kissed her temple. “You did fine and it’s done.”

“I should get up.”

“Yes.”

We didn’t move, I kissed her temple again. I couldn’t stop myself. She was still trembling slightly, but when a knock sounded on the door, she stirred in my arms.

“Give us a second,” I called out, raising my voice only enough that whoever was outside could hear me.

Pressing her hand on my chest, Rose pushed herself off of me before I was ready to let go and slowly got back up on her feet. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she opened the locker and grabbed the tissue she’d apparently left inside, quickly wiping under her nose and tilting her head back. Holding the tissue and sniffling at the same time, she started to pull out the rest of her things. Still sitting down, I watched her eyes dart around, her face blotchy and wet. I caught sight of her blue lacy bra and rose to my feet.

“I’ll wait for you outside.”

As I was moving to go pick up my own things—my watch, belt, and wallet—from the desk, her voice stilled me.

“Jack?”

I pressed my lips together and glanced back at her over my shoulder, waiting for her to go on. She was standing in front of the locker with her socks on, hugging her bra and her coat to her chest. For the first time, she really looked ill, not to mention lost and alone, and that image didn’t sit right with me. No, it pissed me the hell off.

“This isn’t enough, I know, but thank you. Thank you for being here when I know you… Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” I muttered, my tone harsher than I intended, before giving her a curt nod and stepping out of the room.

When she stepped out a few minutes later, she looked better. She even offered the technician a smile before walking out the door. She had licked her wounds and was ready for the rest. I believed that was why I was starting to fall for her.

I placed my hand on the small of her back, maintaining whatever contact I could with her all the way to the car.

They had scheduled her surgery for the following Tuesday after her eventful MRI. That one week was hell on earth for both of us. On Monday they needed us to come in so they could do the last few tests that were necessary for the surgery to go smoothly. An eye exam, an echocardiogram, and a pre-assessment with the anesthesiologist were just a few of the things we—she had done. Rose thought all of it was fun. That was her go-to word the last few days leading up to the surgery, and she was laying it on thick with the sarcasm. For me, it had been anything but fun.

She was all smiles when she was working—welcoming the customers, laughing and joking around with Sally and the other one—but as soon as she closed the place down with me standing right next to her, she turned mute.

She barely talked to Raymond and didn’t ask about his latest date, which I had gathered was her favorite thing to do in the mornings and in the evenings as he drove us back to the apartment. She barely said hello to the doorman, Steve, and left me to do the talking.

Me.

The days after the MRI, as soon as we got home, she disappeared into her room, mumbling a few things that ended up with her saying something about having a headache and being tired. I believed her. I knew she was tired, could see she was having headaches more frequently, but on Monday when we got back from the hospital and she ran straight up to her room without a word, I finally reached my limit and couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t going to let her revert back to the way we’d been when she’d first moved in.

I’d managed to convince her to skip going to the coffee shop the day before the surgery. It would be her first day off of many until she felt all right enough to get back on her feet.

She looked heartbroken when I had to gently keep her moving toward the car with my hand on the small of her back as she kept looking back at the coffee shop over her shoulder as if it’d be the last time she’d see it. I felt like I was taking her baby away from her. When she went straight up to her room, I let her be for the time being.

I took off my suit jacket, rolled up my sleeves, and walked straight into the kitchen.

An hour later when it was six PM and the table was ready, I reached for my phone and sent Rose a quick text.

Jack: Can you come downstairs?

Rose: I don’t feel so great, Jack. If it’s not anything important, I’d like to stay in bed.

Other than the simple fact that I didn’t want her to be alone, she also hadn’t had anything to eat the entire day, and no matter what she said, I wouldn’t let her spend the next however many hours hungry. She had three hours before she needed to stop eating.

Jack: I’d really like your help with something if you could just come down.

I knew that would get her moving, because it was probably the first time I’d asked for her help with anything. Just the curiosity alone would get to her.

Sure enough, two minutes later, I heard her door open and close. Then footsteps started down the stairs and she came into the living room. Her hair was up in a simple ponytail with a few strands of her hair framing her pale face. She was wearing a chunky and oversized sand-colored sweater that fell way past her hips, and under that she had on what looked like simple black leggings and some cozy socks. Her sweater’s arms were pulled down, and in one hand she was grasping a tissue, something that had become a constant for her these last few weeks.

As soon as she saw me standing next to the dining table with my hands shoved in my pockets, her steps slowed down and her eyes darted between the set table and me.

“Jack? You need my help with something?” she asked, holding the tissue up to her nose and sniffling.

“Yes.” I walked around her and pulled out the chair she was standing next to. “I need your help with finishing this food.”

She glanced at me over her shoulder, fidgeting. “Jack—”

“You haven’t eaten anything today, Rose.” I softened my tone and looked into her eyes. “You only have three hours then you won’t be able to eat or drink anything anyway. I don’t want to eat alone, so you’re going to eat with me.”

She worried her lips between her teeth and nodded. “You’re right, I should eat something. Just give me a minute so I can do something about my nose.”

Turning around in her socks with a whoosh, she hurried away to the bathroom.

When she came back with a cotton ball in her nose, she sat down on the chair, and I helped her get closer to the table.

I took my seat across from her and reached for her plate, only to have her grasp it midair.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m trying to wrestle the plate away from you.” I gave her plate a gentle tug and she let it go. “Tonight, you get to be spoiled.”

Finally the smile that touched her lips was genuine. “Pity night, huh?”

I shrugged. I wouldn’t have called it that, but if she wanted to think of it in those terms, keeping my mouth shut would be a better option. I reached for the big serving dish and started to pile spaghetti onto her plate.

Rose leaned forward and reached for my hand, placing her fingers on my wrist when I was about to go in for more spaghetti. A small smile was blooming on her face. “I think that’s more than enough for me, don’t you think?”

I took another look at her plate and decided it would do. I could always sneak more onto her plate when she was done. I let go of the spaghetti spoon and reached for the Bolognese sauce. She tried to stop me after the second spoonful, but I sneaked another one in.

When I lifted my eyes, she was smiling at me. It was a lot closer to what her usual smile looked like, so I started to relax.

“Fresh thyme?”

Her grin got bigger, and she nodded again.

“I like this side of you.”

“Which side?” I asked distractedly.

“This domestic side. It suits you.”

When her plate was ready, I handed it to her, and she had to hold it with two hands before she could put it down in front of her. Leaning over the food, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“This smells amazing. You were right, I’m starving.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off of her even as I grabbed my own plate and started the same process.

“I’m always right.”

She arched her eyebrows at me, her grin turning more playful. “Easy there. I wouldn’t say always.”

“I would. Come on, time is ticking. Start eating.”

“You are always bossy, though—that’s definitely true.”

After giving her a pointed stare, I waited for her to start, and she took her time, getting more comfortable in her chair and then finally started eating.

After chewing for a few seconds, she closed her eyes and groaned before finally swallowing. Satisfied that she would keep eating, I started on my own.

“Where did you get this from? It’s incredible.”

“Glad you like it.”

“Is it a secret place? God! This is so good, Jack!”

I kept chewing and then swallowed under her expectant gaze.

“I made it. It’s not takeout.”

She stopped with her fork a few inches away from her mouth and lowered it. “You cook?”

“Sometimes, if I have the time.”

That earned another beautiful smile, and I decided I would always cook for her on Mondays, pasta or whatever she wanted.

“You’re amazing.” She had started chewing but stopped. “Meaning, this is amazing—the pasta.”

“I’ll cook on Mondays.”

She swallowed, hard. “You cook on Mondays?”

I shook my head and reached for my water glass. “No, I’ll start cooking for us on Mondays. I enjoy spending time in the kitchen.”

“Can I watch it? Next Monday? Or do you not like company? Oh, and of course if the surgery goes well and—”

My eyes met hers. “You don’t want to finish that sentence. I don’t like company, but I like you. You can watch.”

“Jack I believe we’re flirting.”

I grunted.

“Every Monday, promise?”

I looked into her eyes. “Whenever you want, Rose.”

“Then I should pick a day to cook, too.”

We continued eating.

“If your cooking is as good as your baking, I’ll be there.”

“I enjoy cooking when it’s not just for me. Are Mondays gonna be pasta day?”

“Do you want to make it pasta day?”

She smiled, her head bobbing up and down. “I think I’d like that. It’ll be our first tradition.”

Her tone of voice had changed with her last words, so I looked up from my plate to find her smiling at me. My night was already made.

“Pasta day it is then.”

“So, tomorrow—”

“Nope. I don’t want to talk about tomorrow tonight, if that’s okay.” Slowly she put down her fork and steadied her eyes on me. “I’m completely aware that I’m being a complete—let me correct that, I have been a complete diva about this whole sickness thing. I’m also well aware that compared to some illnesses, this is nothing, but my issue is that I’m simply scared. It’s too close to my brain for my liking and it’s really bothering me. I don’t like that I’ll be under anesthesia and I won’t know what’s going on, not that I would want to know or want to be awake even if that was an option… I’m especially grateful that it’s going to be endoscopic surgery instead of cracking open my skull like they used to do back in the day, because that would probably kill me, but…I’m still scared. I told you, I’m afraid of giving blood, so a surgery…” She shook her head vehemently. “And the timing couldn’t have been worse.”

I parted my lips, but she stopped me from saying what was on my mind.

“Like I said, tonight I want to act like tomorrow will be just another normal day. I just want to enjoy this amazing dinner you very sneakily cooked for us and then try to see what else I can milk out of my situation. I’ll deal with the rest tomorrow.”

“We’ll deal with the rest tomorrow,” I corrected her, and received a nod in response. “What else did you want to milk out of your situation?” I asked, trying to look only mildly curious. I already knew I would do whatever it was she wanted to do.

Her smile came back in full force. “I thought you’d never ask. So…” She scooted forward in her seat, rolling spaghetti onto her fork, eyes on mine. “Remember how you said you’d never watched You’ve Got Mail? I thought a cozy movie would be perfect for tonight. It’s not a wishy-washy film either. I promise you won’t be bored. Any movie that has Tom Hanks in it is amazing, and his on-screen chemistry with Meg Ryan is absolutely perfect. I’m sure you—”

“Okay,” I agreed, keeping my hands flat on the table and my eyes on her.

“We can watch it?”

“I said okay, didn’t I?”

Her laughter took me by surprise, but I wasn’t against it.

“Happy?” I asked, smiling back at her.

Her gaze dropped to my lips. “Yes, Jack. Very. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now stop talking and keep eating.”

She had a big smile the entire time she chattered and pulled me into conversation after conversation during dinner. As good as I was at not showing what I was thinking or feeling, I wasn’t sure if I did a good job that night. I was too worried about what the next day would bring and what I would do if something happened to her when she was out of my reach.