Karizma

Kristopher drowned out Ryleigh’s voice as she called to him, as he closed the bathroom door and slumped against it to sit on the floor. He felt so childish, so selfish, for these feelings that were brimming over the edge of his heart, but he could not help it. He found love, for the first time in his long life, and he was destined to lose it; one way or another, Ryleigh could not be completely his. Either she would die, and he would lose her forever, or she could turn and he would lose her for seven days a month to someone else. He often forgot that Lycans were their counterparts as well, and it was a side of them that surprised him often. Lycans believed in true mates, soul mates. Lycans’ wolves controlled the host, because, deep down, they were all more wolf than man. Lycans were the only species that Kristopher knew of that had a mating season, but they were also the only species that were ruled by an animal. The mating cycle was instinctual to them, no more optional than Kristopher’s desire to consume blood. It was just who they were.

Ryleigh knocked softly on the door and Kristopher slammed his eyes shut. I cannot be so selfish, he scolded himself. This is an opportunity for her to survive, for the Karizma bloodline to continue without death. Her daughter would be stronger than she is now, and her granddaughter after that. Ryleigh’s strength and control over her magic amazed Kristopher more and more each day, and the knowledge that bloodline could continue and make something even stronger made him both happy and petrified. What if she did become pregnant by another Lycan? Lycans were traditional in how their pups were raised; Kristopher more than likely would no longer be involved in Ryleigh’s life at all at that point. Just the father and the child.

Kristopher winced as his heart split, as the ice structure began to construct itself around his heart to numb him once again. She must live, he thought. Knowing that she is alive and living with someone else is better than her being dead. It must be. He dropped his head into his hands as a stray tear surfaced and slid down his cheek. He breathed in sharply, in an attempt to control the emotions that his crystalized wall had not trapped in time. He needed to be numb, he craved it; he relished in the feelings of love that Ryleigh had melted from his heart, but those feelings were the most painful feelings that he had ever experienced.

Kristopher’s head jerked up as he heard the doorknob clang against the bathroom floor. “Get away from the door so I can come in, or I will blast it open so hard that your ass will fly into the bathtub,” Ryleigh ordered. Kristopher debated on remaining rooted in his spot, but slowly rose to his feet. He backed away from the door as he watched Ryleigh push it open. She immediately rushed over to him and cupped his face in her hands. The numbness began enveloping his entire body, his hands rigid at his sides as she caressed him. “Kristopher, listen to me. Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” he answered emptily.

“Close yourself to me,” she whispered. “Don’t hide from me, don’t leave me.”

“Ryleigh, you can live with him. No more threat on your life, or your child’s. Probably not even your sister’s once you admit her to him,” Kristopher replied, his voice hollow. He had learned who Ryleigh’s sister was, that witch in the red cocktail dress that had attacked him the night that him and Ryleigh had danced. Bailey. He would never utter her name, he would never acknowledge to Ryleigh that he had figured it out; uttering Bailey’s name, confirming who she was, aloud, would open a lot more doors of trauma and terror for Ryleigh. Vampires and Lycans had impressive hearing, and uttering words aloud that were not meant for all to hear was dangerous. He would die before revealing Bailey to the world, as would Ryleigh.

“I don’t want to live with him,” Ryleigh whispered. “I want you, all of you.”

“You can’t with me,” Kristopher’s voice cracked in pain. “Don’t you understand that? You can’t become a vampire and live happily ever after with me. If you make that transition, you will be so much more accessible, and so will our child. That is not a life for either of you. What Lukas is offering you is.”

“I can’t lose you, Kristopher,” Ryleigh said as her green eyes searched his brown ones. “Not after all that we have been through.”

“You wouldn’t,” Kristopher inhaled sharply. “I would still be here, while you are alive and thriving with your family.” He turned his face away from her as he closed her eyes. The raw vulnerability that she unmasked in him was so painful that he loathed it. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one that killed without question and could go from one meaningless fuck to the next to obtain the blood that he needed to survive. He was cold, he was calloused; he was one of the undead. Ryleigh gave me life, he thought.

“Kristopher…Kris, look at me,” Ryleigh begged. Kristopher’s eyes tightened closed as he heard the pain in her voice. He pushed himself out of her grasp and exited the bathroom. He walked over to the front door and gripped the handle tightly as he contemplated leaving her. Leaving all of this; killing her, protecting her, loving her. Leaving it all seemed so easy, yet it was the hardest decision that he would ever have to make in his life. He felt magic crackle around him, and he turned around slowly.

Ryleigh’s beautiful face was wet with tears, her emerald eyes bright with rage and pain. Her magic electrified the room as it encased Kristopher’s being, trapping him against the door. “Ryleigh,” he said slowly.

“You don’t get to leave because shit is hard,” Ryleigh snapped. She walked over to him, her bubble around Kristopher strengthening as her rage grew. “My entire life has been full of hard decisions. Raising my sister, training her, preparing her for my own death, falling in love with the one person who was destined to kill me. Do you have any idea how easy it would have been to walk away from everything? I could have left my sister alone, I could have refused to have taught her how to use her magic, I could have not kissed you—” her breath hitched as a small stream of tears cascaded down her face. “My entire life would have been easier if I didn’t do any of it.” Her magic thickened in the room around him, and he saw her levitate slightly. “Falling in love with you was one of the hardest decisions of my life, but it was also one of the best. You can’t tell me that you can just walk away from that.”

Ryleigh’s magic brought her to eye level with Kristopher, and he felt his heart shatter. Shrapnel of pain penetrated every fiber of his being. The bubble of magic around him burst, and Ryleigh’s magic encased the entire room instead of just him, keeping the two of them in their own world until they were ready to return to the real world. He went to turn around, but her magic slammed through his chest to pin his back to the door. His eyes widened slightly, but the pain that was emanating off her made him understand. She was feeling the same fear that he was, if not more so. “I will not say yes, Kristopher, not if it means that I lose you.”

“You need to say yes, pet,” Kristopher whispered. “I need you alive.”

“Then you had better be prepared for a wolf in heat tracking your ass down.”

“Ryleigh—”

“Kristopher, I can’t do that to you, not even to survive. I would rather fight a male wolf that would track me down than not experience that with you.”

“Baby, you can’t harm them, not after they grant you life and protection from the vampires. Especially with you being you; any male will attempt to bed you, to be the father of your child with all of that power. You are safer with Lukas.” Kristopher cringed at his words, but he knew them to be true. The pain of killing her and losing her completely will only intensify if he knew that there was an alternative option, an option that would keep her alive, let alone immortal.

Ryleigh brought herself closer to Kristopher, her lips hovering just above his. “I didn’t stay with you because it was the safe option,” she whispered, repeating his own words to him. “We will find another way.” Kristopher opened his mouth to protest but instantly closed it. This was like the conversation of her dying all over again, and he did not want to keep reliving the pain that the conversation continued to elicit from him. There was no other alternate option; this was it, her saving grace, turning her into a Lycan. Ryleigh breathed heavily in response to Kristopher’s silence. Her magic thickened the room even more, the heat from her skin beginning to burn Kristopher’s. He pulled his head through the molasses of her magic and kissed her deeply. He was done arguing with her; she would become a Lycan, one way or another, and he would do everything in his power to keep her while she did.