Is She Your Sweet Dream

“Perun, what you’ve said is very interesting. Let’ talk about it!”

“Sure we can!”

“Then, let me ask you something. Let’s say, she has found out, and she is revenging: which one of you is worse, you or her?”

“There is no doubt everything is my fault. I have committed adultery, it’s something I mustn’t have done, if I wanted to be with her. It’s not something a pure heart would do. I have committed a sin; by going into the apartment of another girl, from a cosmic point of view, I pushed a series of events which each, one after another, like a domino effect, caused me to part from her. And responsibility for that I bear myself.

“I don’t know how much responsibility you can bear in a world that is entirely predetermined, Perun! I don’t believe in free will.”

“I feel guilty, Malina. When I was in the club, I did something. Like accidentally, I turned around, like I didn’t want to look at the other girl, and she turned, and our eyes met, and it happened. It was a terrible mistake, and I am the one who did it. I would do everything to change that.”

“You are totally honest with me,” said Malina. “You excite me from the bottom of my soul. I’ve never felt this close to another human being in my life.”

“I’m glad. But our conversation is very interesting. Let’s continue it!”

“Here, let’s start from the beginning. By making that mistake, you pushed a series of events leading to Ariana leaving you, is it so?”

“Exactly!”

“And you feel the only one responsible?”

“As hell.”

“Here, I am telling you you are not responsible at all!”

Perun thought a bit.

“If it was that easy, Malina! But if I spend only a moment thinking about it, I can’t think I am not.”

“I will show you you are not. The night you were out alone, wasn’t the other girl out, too? Wasn’t she drinking close to the place you were?”

“Yes, sure.”

“If she didn’t do it, you couldn’t have done what you did. You must admit that hers and yours action is in fact, one same. Is this correct?”

“In a way, yes.”

“Then, wasn’t there in the club other people, clapping and delighted from your dancing?”

“Yes, I already told you that.”

“Those people encouraged you to become close. They are the part of the same action and bear part of the responsibility. And finally, wasn’t the club open that night?”

“It was.”

“Club is a part of the same action, too. And not only the club. The barmen, the owner, and city holding you, and street lights not being broken that night, moon, stars.. Everything - the whole universe. Everything, even the smallest things connecting at that moment when you did your mistake. And it happened. You can’t blame anyone because of that, Perun, including yourself. It’s destiny.”

“It’s interesting,” said Perun. “I’ve never looked at it from such an aspect.”

He was quiet for a while, like he was thinking. At last, he spoke.

“Malina,” he said “ I still feel guilt. Please understand me. Look, it was me who took initiative. I suggested the girl escort her home. Then I asked to come in. It was my feet climbing up in the apartment and entered it, my body having sex. You can’t say I am not responsible for that!”

“Perun, those are such deep feelings! I will tell you what I think about it. Yes, you have done it, Perun, but it was because you are young, healthy and strong! If in any case you were ill, and you couldn’t move your hand nor your foot, could you have done what you have done? Could you have entered her apartment if you were sick and paralyzed? Would you have made love to her if you didn’t feel desire?”

Perun remembered the paralysis that overtook him last night when she first came in and shook.

“No,” he said “I couldn’t have done it. I thank God I can. And I exercise regularly to stay in shape.”

“That is what you should think,” said she, “nothing is guaranteed in this world. We don’t know what the next moment will bring. If sometimes we could do something, Perun, and we have done it, we should be grateful for that and never regret it. One should never remorse anything, it’s not good. In fact, there are no errors in this world. Everything is fate.”

“You speak nice, Malina. Indeed, a man to attribute himself he had a choice to do or not to do something, is nothing else than his vanity. Especially after the crisis is over and he has forgotten how hard it was.”

“Оh, how much I like you! Look, those things belong to the past. You should forget them and move on with your life. You are a beautiful man and there are beautiful things waiting for you in life.”

“Yes, I think about it the same. Enough of self-pity. From now on, I will not wait for Ariana to return any more. I will turn over a new page and search for new challenges in life - maybe with you, Malina.”

“Your words make me happy! I think I love you, Perun.”