If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

“My stomach feels like an army of butterflies is marching in it.” The Badass Babe Brigade is here for moral support. It’s like Groundhog Day, except it’s me getting ready for a date instead of Rix this time.

“Deep breaths. You look amazing,” Rix assures me.

“He was right about this dress,” Hemi says grudgingly.

“I can’t believe you took him shopping. He hates shopping,” I muse. The only time Hollis willingly goes clothing shopping is when he needs a new suit. And he makes an appointment for that, and he and my dad go together. I tagged along, because Hollis getting fitted for a suit is freaking magnificent. I was always jealous of whoever got to measure his inseam. I want my dad and Hollis to get back to a place where they can do that again.

I told my dad I was going on a date tonight. Apparently, Hollis had already spoken with him about it. I’m not sure what that conversation looked like, but my dad seems to want me to be happy more than anything else, and that’s progress, since last week he wanted to beat the shit out of him.

Hemi shrugs. “He asked for my help, but I’ll be honest, he picked everything himself—from the dress to the shoes. It was all Hollis. I just gave input, and apparently it wasn’t always the best input since he called it on this dress.”

“It’s stupid expensive, which is why I didn’t try it on,” I admit.

“That’s what he said. The man pays attention. I’ll give him that,” Hemi says.

“He really does. That banana cake was amazing,” Rix agrees.

“Banana cake?” Dred perks up. “My granny used to make a kickass banana nut loaf. RIP, Gran.” She makes the sign of the cross.

“There should be some left. Everyone except me should have a piece. I’ve eaten it for every meal since yesterday.” I burst into a fit of giggles that quickly dissolved into tears when I found it in the fridge. It was sweet, and cheesy, and everything I didn’t know I needed.

“I’m on it,” Rix declares.

“He must be taking you somewhere really nice,” Tally says. “You’re so pretty, Hammer.”

“You’re so pretty, Tally,” we say in unison.

She blushes, as usual.

“Do you know where he’s taking you?” Shilpa asks.

I shake my head. “But it must be swanky if this is the dress code.”

“Or he wanted to dress you up like a princess,” Rix calls from the kitchen.

“I seriously hope I’m not overdressed for this.” I wouldn’t put it past Hollis to outfit me in something extravagant just because he can.

“I can’t see Hollis taking you to the Watering Hole looking like this,” Shilpa reassures me.

“Just own it. You look incredible,” Dred adds.

I run my damp hands over my hips. It’s five to seven. Hollis will be here soon.

A knock at the door has my heart rate spiking. And then my dad pokes his head into the apartment. His eyes flare when they land on me. “Is it okay if I come in?”

I don’t really want my dad here when Hollis comes to get me, but I also don’t want to hurt his already big feelings over this.

I nod, and he steps into the apartment, waving to my friends. “I see you have your emotional support team.” He crosses his arms, then uncrosses them and lets them hang at his sides.

“Yeah, they’re good like that.”

“You look beautiful. Hollis must be taking you somewhere nice,” Dad observes. “I don’t think I’ve seen that dress before.”

“Hollis bought it for her,” Hemi says. “He actually bought her entire outfit, right down to the shoes.”

The only thing he didn’t buy was the underwear I have on. And I’m sure he would have, if it didn’t seem a little presumptuous about how he wants this date to end.

Dad almost seems to be fighting a smile. “Of course he did.”

There’s another knock at the door.

“He’s here.” I point at my dad. “Please be nice. I know you’re still angry and hurt, but he’s been your best friend for seven years, and I care about him, and he cares about me.”

“I know.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’ll do my best.”

I take a steadying breath as I open the door. And nearly melt into the floor. Hollis is dressed in a black suit. His hair is neatly styled, he’s freshly shaven, and he smells incredible. The last hoodie I borrowed has very nearly lost its Hollis scent. I inhale deeply, huffing him from a safe, two-foot distance.

His tie matches my dress, and he’s holding a bouquet of blue and yellow gerbera daisies, which are my favorite. His eyes move over me on an appreciative sweep that I feel everywhere, especially between my thighs.

“Hi,” I croak.

A grin tips one corner of his mouth. “You look stunning.”

“The dress was excessive, but I love it.”

“I love it on you.” He holds out the flowers. “For you.”

“They’re beautiful.” I take them and bring them to my nose. “I’ll put them in water, and then we can go.”

“Sure. Do you want me to wait here?” he asks.

I’m intentionally blocking his view of the apartment. I drop my voice. “You can come in, but the girls are here, and so is my dad.”

A rare smile spills over the right side of his mouth. “I’ll come in.”

My stomach flips as I step back.

“Hey, Hollis,” the girls say in unison.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in an awkward wave.

“I’ll put those in water for you.” Rix takes the flowers.

“Thanks.”

Tally passes me my clutch.

Dad crosses his arms and takes on his bodyguard stance. “Hollis.”

“Roman.”

This is so awkward.

“I’ve invested twenty-one years in my daughter. I expect you to bring her back in the same condition you took her out in,” Dad says.

“A little strong on the dad game, Roman,” Rix mutters.

“Okay. Thanks for that, Dad. That’s our cue to leave.” I grab Hollis’s arm with one hand and the doorknob with the other.

He covers my hand with his and turns to my dad. “I love your daughter. I promise to treat her like the precious gem she is.”

“Nice.” Dred snickers.

Tally’s hand covers her heart.

And now I’m all melty again.

Hemi pats my dad on the shoulder as I usher Hollis out the door. At least he has my emotional support team as backup.

I rapid-stab the down button on the elevator, willing it to come immediately, in case my dad wants to impart any other pearls of wisdom, or punch Hollis in his gorgeous face.

“That went better than expected,” Hollis says conversationally.

“You’re not bleeding, so I consider it a win.”

The elevator doors slide open, and Hollis puts his hand over the sensor, waiting until I cross the threshold before he follows. He pushes the button for the parking garage, and then the doors are sliding closed and we’re alone.

He moves into the corner and leans against the mirrored wall. “Are you okay?”

I shrug. “I have a lot of feelings.”

“Do you want to share what they are?”

“I’m nervous, excited, scared.” Horny.

He nods. “I’m all the same things.”

“What are you scared of?”

“That I’ve done too much damage, and you’ll decide I’m not worth the challenges this relationship will bring with it,” he says.

“We’re getting real already, huh?”

“Seems that way.” His smile is soft. “What are you scared of, Princess?”

“That you still have my heart, and you’ll break it again.”

His eyes close, and he exhales a pained breath. “Of all the things I wish I could undo, that tops the list, Princess. I hope to prove I meant it when I said I’ll never do it again.”

I nod. “I hope you can, too.”

We reach the parking garage, and Hollis waits for me to exit the elevator before following. His fingers brush the back of my hand, and I slip mine into his, even though my palms are clammy. He squeezes. “Want to tell me why you’re nervous?”

“So many reasons, but mostly because this is our first real date out in public, and people might recognize you.”

“Are you afraid of what people will think?” he asks.

“No. I’m afraid that you’re afraid of what people will think.”

His car beeps as he unlocks the door, and he turns to me. “You think I have a problem with your age?”

“You’ve said as much.”

“You mean every time I’ve said you have so much growing to do, and that you could change your mind about us,” he says.

I guess we’re continuing with the hard stuff. “You could change your mind, too. You did.”

He takes my hands in his. “I never changed my mind about you, Aurora. I got in my own way, just like you said. I can’t take back the hurt I’ve caused, but you’re it for me. My heart is yours.”

I can feel his regret and see his sincerity. I pull my hands from his, and his face falls—until I wrap my arms around his waist. His come around me, and I feel his lips against my crown. “I love you so much, Aurora. And I will keep telling you until you accept it as truth.”

The words bubble up in me, but I’m not ready. Not yet.

Eventually I step back, and he opens the passenger door and helps me into the car. He takes his place behind the wheel, and we leave the parking garage, heading toward the harbor front.

“How have exams been?” he asks.

“They’ve been good. I hand in my final project for my social relations management class on Monday, and then there’s one more exam at the end of the week. Of course it’s on the last day, but I know the material. I’m ready to be done.”

“You have been for a while.”

“I’m ready to do what I love.” I stare unabashedly at his profile. I’ve missed this easy conversation. We know each other. “You’ll be on the ice next game?”

“Yeah. Now that I have my shit together, I can be an asset to the team. I was too distracted to be useful during that Buffalo game.”

“Because of what’s going on between us?”

“Because I didn’t fight for what I want, which is you.” He stops at the red light and looks at me. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, Aurora. I did. More than anything. Not fighting was…so fucking hard. But I knew how scared you were, and I wanted to protect your relationship with Roman. It was the wrong choice, but it felt like the right one at the time.”

“I understand that. My fear stopped me from being honest, too.” And it stops me from telling him how I feel about him now. One step and one revelation at a time.

“You are the missing piece, Aurora. Breaking it off with you was a stupid, reactive decision. One I won’t make again.”

I smile to myself as he pulls into a restaurant parking lot. I know this place, I realize. It’s the nicest restaurant in the city, very exclusive, with gorgeous views of the harbor. And Hollis is taking me here for our first date. He’s making every effort to show me he’s serious. That he wants this. That he wants me.

“Just wait a moment,” Hollis says to the valet attendant as he opens the driver’s side door. Hollis hops out and rounds the hood, stepping in to help me out of the passenger seat. My stomach, heart, and lady business are all aflutter as he links his arm with mine and leads me up the steps.

The host addresses him as Mr. Hendrix, and we’re led to a private table with an incredible view of the water. More than one couple seems to recognize Hollis, but no one approaches or makes it awkward. We order drinks and an appetizer and settle into easy conversation.

We talk about the teams in the playoffs and who we think the top picks for the draft will be. “Tristan’s youngest brother is eligible this year,” I tell him. “Tristan and Rix always go to his games.”

Hollis nods. “Tristan mentioned that he’s attending university on a full scholarship. It should give him the time he needs to grow into his skill set.”

“I still think you’d be a great coach.” I hide a smile behind my hand.

Hollis groans. “You’re killing me over here.”

“I didn’t say anything wrong.”

“I can read your thoughts on your face, Aurora.” He sets his hand on the table, palm up, and I slip my fingers into his. “And it doesn’t help when you look like something straight out of a fairy tale.”

My stomach flip-flops as he brings my hand to his lips. I love this version of Hollis—intense, seductive, playful, affectionate. In this moment, he feels like mine, and I want to keep him forever.

“I used to love having your undivided attention when I was a teenager.” I love it more now, though.

He tips his head. “How do you mean?”

“Remember that math tutoring session you gave me? After I failed that test in grade nine?”

He gives me a questioning look. “I helped you once, I think, right? Then your dad got you a tutor, but from what I remember it didn’t last long.”

“You’re right, it didn’t.” This time I don’t try to hide my smile. “I was actually pretty good at algebra, but I came up with this plan, thinking you’d be my tutor, but it totally backfired.”

His brow furrows. “But why?”

“I wanted that time with you. I wanted to smell your cologne, and listen to you explain concepts, and daydream about what it would be like to be right here.”

He tips his head. “You had a crush on me?”

“Absolutely, I did. Have you seen you? It was harmless for a lot of years, until it stopped being a crush and became something else.” I drag my fingers along the inside of his palm. “This year everything changed. I knew I was stepping over boundaries and pushing down walls. I started really seeing you, like you saw me. You’re so dedicated to your team and your profession. So committed to being in the best condition you can be on the ice. I see how hard these injuries have been, how you worry about letting your team down. It’s never just about you and what you want; it’s about the impact it has on everyone else, too.”

“That particular trait has been my downfall recently.”

“We’re here, though, Hollis. And that means something. Neither of us is perfect, and obviously we won’t always get it right, but we’re trying on this new us, and I like how we fit.” Again, I want to say the words, tell him how I feel, really and truly, but I need more time.

It’s like he can sense it in me. He reaches across the table, palm up and open. “I was doomed the moment I saw you doing a victory dance down the Terror hall.”

I slip my fingers into his. “What victory dance?”

“When you landed your first promo op.”

My eyes flare. “Back in September?”

He nods and wets his bottom lip. “I didn’t realize it was you at first. Your joy was so huge, it filled the entire space. And you were so fucking beautiful and then you turned around and I knew then that I was a goner. I opened my eyes and saw you, really saw you. Not Roman’s daughter, but you. This glorious, stunning, driven woman who had the world in the palm of your hand. And I just…fell. For every part of you. For your sweetness. For that sassy fucking mouth I love so much. For your strength, and your determination and your gentle, perfect heart. I fell so hard. And I keep falling. Every day without you has been torture and every day with you is the most amazing gift. That I get to love you? There’s no feeling that compares to it, Aurora. To you.” He lifts my hand and presses his lips to the back of it. “And I will tell you this every chance I get, because there has never been anything more real or true for me than you.”

“I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that,” I whisper.

“I have something for you. I was going to wait until after dinner, but I want you to have it now.”

“Because outfitting me for this date wasn’t enough?” I tease.

“Get used to it, Princess. Spoiling you will be one of my favorite pastimes.” He grins as he moves to take the seat beside me. “I know it will take time to earn your heart back. But when I can’t be with you, I want you to have this reminder that you own mine. It’s yours for as long as you’ll have it.” He opens the box. Resting on a blue velvet cushion is a diamond-encrusted heart-shaped pendant intertwined with a rose gold infinity symbol.

“Hollis.” I press my fingers to my lips. “This is beautiful.”

“Just like you. Can I help you put it on?”

I nod and turn, my body breaking into a wave of goose bumps as his fingers brush my skin. He carefully clasps it around my neck. It warms, and I face him. “Thank you.” I slide my arms around his waist, uncaring that we’re in a restaurant as I hug him, my cheek resting against his chest. “For this, for tonight. I needed this with you.” It’s a taste of what it could be like to be his—not hiding behind closed doors, but outside the walls of his penthouse or my apartment—and I’m addicted already.

“I did, too, Princess.” He presses his lips to my forehead.

Soft. Sweet. A promise of what could be if I’m brave enough to let him all the way in.