If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

Hollis and I dry fucked. Like a couple of high schoolers. If it weren’t for the state of my panties the other day, I might believe it was a fever dream. Hollis didn’t even really touch me anywhere illicit, apart from sucking on my nipple through my shirt. God, it was so hot. He looked so good, jaw set, eyes dark with lust, hands on my hips moving me over him. And then he ordered me to look at him when I came. Every time I think about it, my vagina feels like it’s about to explode.

And then there’s the fact that I made Hollis come. In his damn pants. Without even putting my hands on the parts that count.

Honestly, my ego is enormous. My head is an inflated balloon. And I’m so distractible these days. Yesterday I handed in a paper and forgot to attach my works cited. I resubmitted the assignment, but I hope it doesn’t impact my grade. With everything that’s been going on, a couple of my grades have slipped, and if I’m not careful, I won’t have the average necessary to make the dean’s list.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Hemi asks for the tenth time, affirming my distractedness. We met at a restaurant between school and the arena so we can eat and discuss the gala.

I blink myself back to the present. “Yes. I’m fine. Great. Awesome.”

She leans back in her chair, crosses her arms, and gives me the face she usually reserves for Flip when he’s done something to put him back in her bad book, or Dallas for being Dallas. “Your face is all red, and you’re kind of sweaty. If you’re coming down with something, please let me know. I don’t want to run you into the ground, especially not with the gala coming up. Also, I don’t have time to get sick.”

“I promise I’m not sick.” I roll my shoulders back. I can’t let Hemi down, not when I’m the one who asked to take the lead on this event. “I’m here and focused.”

“You’re sure you’re feeling okay?” she asks skeptically.

“Totally positive.” I turn to my spreadsheet. “Donations for the silent auction are all accounted for, and all the guys have signed off on their date packages.”

“Even Dallas?” Hemi asks.

“Even Dallas. Oh! And the Hockey Academy got back to me this afternoon.” That this wasn’t the first thing out of my mouth when I sat down proves how distracted I am. I can’t afford to be a lovesick fool right now. “They’re attending, and Kodiak Bowman and his wife will even be able to make it.”

“That’s fantastic! Why didn’t you lead with that, you boss babe?” She high fives me.

“I don’t know. In my head I’d already mentioned it maybe?” I shrug. “Anyway, Alex Waters and his wife are also coming, and possibly his son and his son’s girlfriend. We have an entire table reserved for them.”

“You’re making it so easy for me to tailor a position just for you.” She leans back in her chair, all smiles.

“I don’t want it handed to me.” Or I’ll forever be worried I don’t deserve it like every whisper in the break room was true.

“It won’t be handed to you, Hammer. You’ve single-handedly taken over the entire gala while attending school full time. You have an impressive resume, and anyone who saw what you’ve accomplished would pick you up in a heartbeat.” She snaps her fingers.

“That’s good to hear.” Proving that I’m not just the team princess, that I can work with the league and be an asset, was something I needed—for me, if not for anyone else.

“All we need is Scarlet to attend, and we’ll have an all-star guest list,” Hemi says.

“I have a follow-up call this week.”

“Excellent.” She leans in and makes a circle motion around her face. “Now can you tell me what’s going on, because you’re flushed again.”

“I need to work on my poker face,” I mutter.

She holds up a hand. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s totally okay. Just know I’m always here if you need me.”

Hemi is a full-on badass. She’s no-nonsense and takes no shit from anyone. But she’s also a great friend, and we’ve gotten close since I interned with her. “I have a situation.” I gather myself a moment. “It is not unlike Rix’s. Minus the hate-fucking. And I’m not intentionally keeping it from you, but I don’t know what’s going on, and it’s been a bit of a cluster.”

Hemi’s eyes narrow and then widen. “Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, holy shit. If this is about who I think it’s about… Holy fuckballs.”

We stare at each other for a few long seconds.

“I’m clarifying that you don’t have the hots for Flip, right?”

I make a cringey face. “Oh, God, no. I mean, he’s a nice guy, but no thank you to the nightmare that would be running into the endless string of women he’s been with. I feel bad for him and the girl he eventually falls in love with. His regrets hole will be deep and horrible to climb out of.”

“Okay. I didn’t think so.” She blows out a breath. “And it’s not Dallas, right?”

“No. It’s definitely not Dallas.” Besides, I’m pretty sure Dallas has a hard-on for Hemi that rivals her hate-on. Sometimes I catch him looking at her the way I look at Hollis.

“I figured that was unlikely. Dallas is afraid of clowns, you know.” She says it like he’s committed an unforgiveable crime.

“Clowns can be creepy.” I’m with Dallas on this one.

“I guess,” she says grudgingly.

“You really can’t stand him,” I muse.

“I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. I’ve known him a very long time. He’s habitually late for every endorsement campaign. I tell him to be there at least an hour earlier than required so he isn’t ridiculously late every single freaking time.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“It’s part of the job.” She drops her voice to a whisper. “It’s number fifty-five, isn’t it?”

I nod.

She slaps the table. “I knew it!”

“Shh!” I flick her in the arm. “Keep it down.”

“Sorry. So are you two like…” She makes a circle with her thumb and finger and pokes the index finger of her other hand through the hole.

I shake my head.

“But something is going on?”

I shrug. “I think so. But it’s so complicated.”

Hemi’s back straightens, and she pales. “This has been going on for some time? You’ve had a crush on him for years.”

Suddenly I understand Hollis’s conflict in a way I didn’t before. “Wherever your head went, that’s not what’s happening here. He’s always, always been nothing but appropriate with me. He’s tried to stay on the right side of the line. But it’s like…I opened a door, and we both stepped through it, and now I don’t know if we can ever close it again. And I don’t want to, but I worry he’s still several steps behind me.”

She exhales a relieved breath and nods. “He’s a good guy. A little bit of a black cloud at times, but I never picked up on any vibes between you until this season.”

“You mean after the BDF.” Batdick Fiasco.

Hemi shakes her head. “No, I mean since last year in the beginning of the season, when you started interning with me.”

It’s my turn to straighten. “How do you mean?”

“It was little things. I caught him looking at you like…he was seeing you for the first time.” She gives me a small, empathetic smile. “It makes sense. You were dressed for business. You’re smart, savvy, a natural in this industry. Everyone saw how competent you are. Him included. He’s watched you turn into this self-assured, ambitious woman.”

“It’s messy.” I rub my bottom lip.

She nods. “It is.” She taps on the edge of the table. “Look, I’m not saying this to make things harder, but I want to be honest with you. If I were in your shoes, I would be careful. Dating players is highly frowned upon. Head office takes it very seriously. I know you don’t want anyone to think your dad is the reason you get the assistant job and that’s one of the reasons you’ve stepped in and taken over the gala. Proceed with caution, okay? The heart wants what the heart wants, but I would hate for you to have everything blow up in your face. Just because I know how hard you work, doesn’t mean everyone else is going to see you for who you are.”

“Why do you two look so serious?” Rix slides onto the empty stool and cringes.

“You’re sitting down rather gingerly,” Hemi observes.

“I actually bruised my ass, and not for the reason you think,” she says before either of us can interject. “I was climbing on the counter to get something from the top shelf, and I literally fell, but I knocked one of those giant Post-It paper blocks on the floor in the process and landed on top of it. It really freaking hurt. Hurts. Still.”

“I told Hemi about the situation.” Keeping it to myself has been a pain in the ass anyway. Hemi is like a vault. Do I feel a little bad that Tally, Shilpa, and Dred don’t know the details? Yes, but I think less people knowing is better for the time being.

Rix’s eyes flare. “Did something else happen while we were away?”

“Something else? So things have happened?” Hemi is back on alert.

“I knew something was up. Spill the beans.” Rix makes a go-on motion.

I glance around to make sure no one is paying attention, then lean in and whisper, “We dry humped.”

Hemi and Rix’s brows both try to touch each other in the middle of their foreheads.

“I didn’t know it was possible for me to get off on a dry hump.” I swear the look on Hollis’s face tipped me over the edge. He seemed ready to eat me alive.

“I have no experience with this, but now I kind of want to try it,” Hemi admits.

Rix’s eyes light up. “What about Hollis? Did you leave him hanging?”

“I probably should have, shouldn’t I?”

“He deserves it after the whole date-sabotage nonsense and the kiss business.” Rix rolls her eyes.

“Kiss business?” Hemi asks, then raises a hand. “Don’t feel obligated to tell me. I totally understand if you don’t want to rehash everything.”

“It’s fine.” I give her a rundown with all the ups and downs.

“Oh, you totally should have left him hanging. I mean, dude needs to shit or get off the pot.” I appreciate Hemi’s annoyance on my behalf.

“While accurate, that phrase isn’t very visually appealing,” Rix observes.

Hemi’s eyes light up like she stumbled across a shoe sale. “I think we need to properly appreciate your badassery for a moment.”

“In what sense?” I ask.

“You made a professional hockey player come in his pants like a high school boy, while fully clothed. You’re a fucking queen.” Hemi smiles with pride.

“I was pretty shocked, to be honest.” I grin. “And as soon as it was over and I could walk, I left. I didn’t want to give him the chance to ruin my afterglow.”

“Yeah, you did.” Hemi high-fives me.

“Have you talked to him since? How long ago did this happen?” Rix asks.

“We haven’t talked, and it’s been two days.” Normally we meet up at the diner when my dad returns from an away series, but he arrived while I was in class, so he came to campus and we ate there. Without Hollis. “But he texted today.”

“What did he say?” Rix asks.

“That he had a doctor’s appointment so he couldn’t make the Pancake House.”

Hemi nods. “That’s true. Coach Vander Zee and Fielding were meeting with him after. It was on their calendar.”

“Yeah, my dad said as much. I sent him a good luck GIF.”

Hemi leans back in her chair, nodding. “Good on you for playing it cool. He has no control when it comes to you.”

Rix taps her lips. “He’s a rule follower, and he’s used to being in control all the time, but you’re making him lose it consistently. Just keep doing what you’re doing. I think you two would be good together.”

I don’t know if my heart can handle it if we keep taking one step forward and two back.

“I do think we can help move things along, though. In your favor, of course.” Hemi thinks a minute. “So I’m aware management is planning a birthday party for me.”

Rix and I exchange a look. “That’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“It’s hard to get things past me when I’m responsible for scheduling promotion around games. To be fair, they tried to use code words on the calendar, but my birthday falls on a Saturday this year, and it’s between games, so it was pretty obvious.” She waves a hand. “I haven’t told them I know. From my sleuthing, I believe we’re having a catered dinner so Tally can be part of the festivities. You don’t need to confirm or deny anything, but this would be a good opportunity to go dress shopping.”

“Yes to dress shopping,” I agree.

We pull out our phones, and Hemi fires off a message to Tally, Dred, and Shilpa for a full-crew shopping trip.

A clip of Scarlet getting into a car flashes across the screen on the TVs across from our table. My buoyant mood deflates like a popped balloon, and I quickly look away.

Hemi tilts her head. “How will you feel about it if she’s able to come?”

I exhale an anxious breath. “It’ll be great publicity for the event.” And good for my resume, but probably not for the welfare of my sweaty palms.

“That’s not a real answer.”

“I know.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “She’s already been invited. We can’t take it back, and I don’t even know what’s going on with me and Hollis. I guess we wait and see?”

That isn’t an answer either, but I can’t admit to being jealous of his ex. It’s clear we both have feelings, but that doesn’t mean we’ll end up together. Not if he can’t get out of his own way. Or worse, if he decides Scarlet is worth a second chance.