novelxo If You Need Me: Chapter 15
I scroll through the email chain as I take the elevator to my office, my irritation level climbing by the second.
Subject: Arena Availability
Hi Topher,
Checking in on rink availability for the boys’ team. We discussed dates, but you mentioned there might be some conflicts. Should I contact PR on this?
Best,
Bob Royer
Subject: Arena Availability
Hi Bob,
I’ll check in with Wilhelmina and get back to you.
Best,
Topher Guy
Subject: Arena Availability Circling Back
Hi Topher,
Checking on an update.
Best,
Bob Royer
Subject: Arena Availability Circling Back
Hi Bob,
I’m pulling Wilhelmina into the conversation.
Best,
Topher Guy
Subject: Arena Availability Circling Back
Hi Bob,
Please see the calendar for rink availability. I’m linking it directly for your convenience.
Based on the previous thread, it looks like there’s a conflict with your requested times and the women’s team. Are your practice times flexible? Otherwise, we can schedule you on rink B or C if times and dates are firm. Just let me know and Topher or I can provide you with an access code to book your own times.
Best,
Hemi
Subject: Arena Availability Circling Back
Wilhelmina,
Re-adding you back into the thread.
Topher
None of this surprises me, but it does frustrate me.
Topher responded to Bob only that we could see about overriding the calendar and switching the women’s ice time to a different rink so the boys’ team could get in time on the main rink. That email was sent two days ago, and since then they’ve had a back and forth of six emails that didn’t include me, with Topher insisting they could change the rink and Bob saying it wasn’t a problem.
I take a deep, calming breath as I step out of the elevator. Instead of going to my office, I head for Topher’s. I try to avoid face-to-face interactions with him, mostly because it’s hard not to want to punch him in his asshole face. But this can’t be helped. I knock on his office doorframe, and his eyes lift along with one finger. He continues to do whatever he was doing for an irrationally long time while I stand there. Waiting.
Finally, he gives me his attention. “I know what you’re going to say.”
“Please. Enlighten me with your mind-reading capabilities, Topher.” I cross my arms and rest my shoulder against the doorjamb.
He leans back in his chair, sighs, and waves a hand in my direction. “This right here is your problem, Hemi. You’re always…” He makes a face. “Aggressive.”
“If I had a Y chromosome to go with my X, the appropriate descriptor would be direct. The women’s team has been booked on that rink, on that day, for weeks. It’s an experience the boys’ team gets frequently and one that’s new for the women’s team. I understand that it’s a change and sometimes that takes time to get used to, but dropping me from an email thread and undermining me and the women’s team does not help create an equitable and inclusive environment, which is what the Terror strives for. I know you’ve been here a lot longer than me, and that I’m still green in your eyes, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t undo all the strides we’re making because you’re used to doing things a different way.”
“I’ve already switched the women’s team to the other rink,” Topher says.
“Are you planning to let Denise know about the change, or are you leaving that up to me?”
He folds his hands and smiles. “Up to you, Wilhelmina. Whatever you think is best.”
“CC me on the email, please.” He needs to clean up his own mess. I leave before I do or say something that will end up making this situation worse.
Dealing with Topher has become more difficult since the whole Dallas-and-me situation came to light. He didn’t love me before I supposedly got involved with a player, and judging by his current attitude, this new development makes him like me less.
When I arrive at my office, I notice the crocheted peach sitting on my desk has multiplied, so now there are two nestled between my mug of pens and a family photo. I pick up the new one and flip it over in my hand. It’s adorable with its little smile and brown eyes. Freaking Dallas and his sweetness. When the heck did he stop by and leave this here? I set it back where I found it and turn them both around so I’m looking at their bums and not their smiling faces.
I call the coach of the women’s hockey team after Topher sends an email. Denise was more than understanding about the whole thing, even though she’s pissed. Her pro team just got displaced for teenaged boys.
An hour into my day, I get a phone call I expected, but had also hoped to avoid. Possibly forever. I swallow the ball of anxiety sitting in my throat and answer on the third ring.
“Why am I seeing your engagement in the news before I’m hearing it from you?” Mom asks.
They hate any important news over text, but I should have escaped to video call them. I was just in so much shock. Now I’m being a terrible daughter all over again. Lying to them feels horrible.
“I’m so sorry, Mumma.” I use the term intentionally because it always softens her up. “It wasn’t planned. I didn’t plan it. Dallas just did it, and I wasn’t expecting it, and his parents were here, and it all happened so fast—”
“His parents were there to witness you getting engaged, and we were not.”
The hurt in her tone makes me feel like a steaming pile of garbage. “Mom, you were on shift, and Ma was traveling back from that big vendor show in the States yesterday. Remember I invited you to the game, but you couldn’t make it work? I know you would have attended if you could,” I hastily tack on, so as not to make it seem like her fault. “And like I said, I didn’t know it was going to happen. Dallas is a little impetuous.”
She makes a displeased sound. “You just agreed to marry this man, and we haven’t even met him.”
Fuck me. “You’ve met him plenty of times. We went to school together from kindergarten to grade twelve.”
“We knew him when he was a boy. That was a decade ago.” She sighs. “It feels like we’re missing all these important milestones. We just found out you were dating him, and now you’re engaged. It’s like you’re living this life we know nothing about. I’m not used to being in the dark when it comes to you.”
“I swear it’s not intentional, Mom. It’s a complicated relationship.” The guilt really sucks.
She hmms. “Your ma and I, and your brothers, are coming to visit you this weekend.”
“Wait. What? Doesn’t Isaac have some big thing happening in New York? And how did Sam get a weekend off?”
“Isaac is CEO of his own company. He can take any weekend off he wants. And Sam is already off this weekend, so it works out perfectly. Your brothers were planning a hike, so now they’re adjusting the location since Niagara has the Bruce Trail. We’ll arrive early Friday evening. I’ll bring everything we need for family dinner; you don’t have to worry. But we are coming to see you. We want to get to know Dallas.”
“Isaac and his older brother were in the same freaking grade.”
“That’s different. Besides, Sam didn’t go to school with Dallas, and you were just kids back then. They only know of him—and, of course, what he looks like on the ice. They want to meet your future husband. And we would like to celebrate this engagement since we weren’t able to be there last night.”
“Right. Yes. Of course, Mom.” Once she has her mind made up, there’s no getting out of it.
“Great. It’s settled. We’ll see you Friday. Congratulations, sweetheart! I’m sure you’re very excited. You can fill us in on everything this weekend!”
“So looking forward to it,” I lie. Seems like my acting skills are getting a constant work out these days.
Mom ends the call, and the headache I’d finally gotten rid of comes back. Dallas is definitely going to regret this proposal. My brothers will make sure of that.
Two nights later, I’ve recovered enough from my epic hangover to spend time with the Badass Babe Brigade. Frankly, I need some girl time. My brothers have been messaging relentlessly since they found out about the engagement. At one point they started fighting about who gets to give me away. Which is sweet, but also, I’m not actually getting married.
“Thank you for hosting, Hammer.” My roommate is home for the next two days, and the walls are thin. She doesn’t need to hear about my relationship drama. I’m grateful she knows nothing about sports and has nothing to do with any part of my work life. Mostly we just say hi to each other in the kitchen, make small talk, and do our own thing. As far as quiet roommates go, she wins first prize.
“It’s no problem. It forces Hollis to spend time with the guys. And my dad.”
“They seem good though, right?” Shilpa asks.
“Oh yeah. They’re back to themselves again. And my dad has learned not to use his key anymore, so all is right in the world. But Hollis has a small social circle, and it’s the offseason, so this means he has to find something to do that isn’t me related. Also, it gives me a reason to use this place until the sublet is up.”
Hollis and Hammer have only been openly dating for a few months, and the person who owns the unit she’s subletting will be back in November.
“How many nights a week do you spend at his place?”
“Most. He would have me move in with him tomorrow if I said I was ready.”
“But you’re not?” Tally asks.
“Oh, I’m ready. We’re trying to give my dad enough time to also be ready.”
“I love that you take his feelings into account,” Rix says.
“It’s an adjustment.” Hammer smiles and rubs her bottom lip. I can only guess what that’s about. “Speaking of adjustments, how excited are you to move into university residence next month?” she asks Tally.
“Excited. Nervous.” Tally flutters her legs. “Those top the list. I’m looking forward to an on-campus living experience for my first year. I know I could commute, but with so much rehearsal time on campus, it makes more sense for me to live there.” We helped her set up a PowerPoint presentation for her parents to argue her on-campus-living case. “The apartment-style residence should be good. There will either be four or six of us, and we all have our own bedrooms and bathrooms, but we’ll share a common kitchen and living room. The rooms are small, but at least there’s freedom. And Rix will be on campus sometimes too, so that’s cool.”
“Once we get our schedules, we can organize lunch dates,” Rix offers.
“How do you feel about going back to school?” Shilpa asks.
“Good. Nervous and excited, just like Tally. But this is my passion, so going back now makes sense. I can’t wait to focus on nutritional facts instead of taxes. And Tristan is so excited for me, so that helps.”
“He’s really proud of you,” Dred says.
“It’s not the easiest adjustment to have a partner who can take care of me the way he can. He’s suggested I quit my job at the firm, but they offered me part-time remote, so we’ll see how it goes.”
“In case you don’t like the program?” Tally asks.
“It’s more my personal feelings about not contributing financially, having to rely on somebody else to take care of my financial needs. I’m working on it in therapy. It’s my own issue, and it doesn’t have anything to do with Tristan or how much he loves me. I know he supports me, and will support me in whatever way I need him to. But I still need my autonomy. And he understands that, too.”
“I love the way he loves you,” I say.
“Me too. It’s hard to believe he’s the same guy who flew to Vancouver and turned around and got right back on the plane because he couldn’t deal with his fears,” Rix muses.
“He’s come a long way.” I agree. A year ago, Tristan was surly and could be a PR problem. But then Rix came along and turned his world upside down. Now he’s so in love with her and committed to being the best version of himself he can for both of them. He’s relentless once he decides he wants something. I see it every time he looks at her, like she’s the beginning and the end for him. What I wouldn’t give to have someone love me like that—who isn’t a direct relative.
“How’s Essie, by the way? Any word on when she’s moving back?” Hammer asks. “Or at least coming for a visit?”
“Yes! Her company offered her a contract in Toronto and she could be back by the end of summer or early fall at the latest. I’m so excited that she’s moving home. At least for a bit,” Rix says.
“That’s awesome. Our little group keeps growing!” Tally says.
“And pairing up! I know Dallas’s actions lately have been pretty outlandish, and maybe not the easiest for the woman who prefers things to go smoothly, but he is clearly devoted to you.” Hammer arches a brow. “I mean, the way he proposed…” Her hand goes to her heart. “That’s the grand gesture to end all grand gestures. On the ice, in a place you both love so much, after you raised a ton of money for charity—so thoughtful.”
“Yeah.” I force a smile. “It’s definitely hard to top.”
“That post he made this afternoon was swoon city,” Rix says.
“What post?” I can’t deal with another media stunt. I’ve been avoiding his social media on purpose. Just because I know the crappy comments exist, doesn’t mean I want to experience the firsthand.
“You haven’t seen it, yet?” Hammer’s eyes are wide.
Maybe I’ll be better off keeping my head in the sand. “Will I have to run interference?”
“You shouldn’t. Especially not after this.” Hammer hands me her phone.
It’s a photo of the on-ice proposal and it’s captioned:
The Best Day of My Life and it’s followed by a very sappy post:
Isn’t she stunning?
I’ve been waiting a decade for this, and while I’m happy to shout my love for Wilhelmina from the rooftops, my bride to be tends be more lowkey. While our engagement was very public (that’s on me), our relationship is ours. I’ve waited far too long to get the girl to mess it up with more public shenanigans. (I swear, Hemi, the proposal is the last shenanigan). We appreciate your respect for our privacy.
It’s an incredibly thoughtful post. But I have no idea what the impetus is. Other than trying to get out of retribution promo. And the worst part is that everybody believes Dallas is in love with me. Even Hammer and Dred who were skeptical at first. Because he’s an incredible performer.
It makes my heart hurt. I would give anything to find a guy who would do what Dallas has, including this sweet freaking privacy post, but actually mean it.