novelxo I Promise You: Chapter 9
“GOAL!” Kane shouts into the air as he runs away from the net, dramatically.
It’s about midnight now and I’ve forgotten all about my trauma for the past hour and it felt amazing.
We’ve been playing one versus one, and I’m getting tired finally.
Kane kicked the ball into the goal, surpassing me.
I roll my eyes at his ego, trying to catch my breath. My throat and lungs hurt from breathing in the cold air so much that it burns. I pull the ball out of the net. He’s way faster than me, taller, and has longer legs. Of course, I’m going to lose against him.
He’s lifted his shirt over his head like all professional players do when they score a goal and I’m met with a six-pack of abs. My eyes trail down from his perfectly defined abdomen muscles down to the V covered in a patch of dark hair that leads to…
I mentally slap myself.
He pulls his shirt back down and I unglue my eyes from him.
“Whatever. Don’t flatter yourself, Mr. Slaughter.” I have to stop myself from flashing a smile. I know I’m being a sore loser, but again, I wear my heart on my sleeve, not caring if he can see how competitive I can be sometimes.
I walk toward my porch, leaving the area where I lost myself in an intense game against a SEAL. Kane follows me with a smug look, grabbing his leather jacket from the grass and throwing it over his shoulder.
“For someone so tiny, you’re a sore loser.”
“I am not!” I lie through a high-pitched defensive tone.
I bite the side of my cheek, pouting.
“You are, but it’s okay. It’s cute.”
My heart pounds with complication as I sit on the wooden steps leading to my front door and hold the ball onto my lap. My heart rate is all over the place from all the back-and-forth running, or it could also be from the man who’s always been there for me since Paul’s funeral.
He needs to stop saying these things, yet I can’t seem to stop him from doing so.
He sits next to me, and I scooch further away from him, making sure there’s distance between us. Kane has never been shy about his interest in taking our relationship to the next level, but I’ve never wanted to take it further. I was heavy in grieving. I was freshly single from an abusive relationship and now? I’m with a man I’m so in love with yet unsure of the truths I know he’s hiding from me.
And Kane is close friends with Danny. It’s wrong…
“Ari, I really admire how strong you are. No matter what you go through, you manage to always push through.”
My heart skips a beat as those profound words leave his mouth. He can’t be saying these things to me because I know he wants more from me. I can feel it. A cold breeze brushes through us, making me shudder as I hold the ball.
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I really do. I can’t thank you enough for always being there whenever you could when Paul died. It means a lot to my mother and I. I just needed a break from everything.”
I give him a friendly smile and turn toward him. But it’s a mistake because now he looks at me intensely, and I can’t move. I haven’t been kissed on the mouth in over a month. Danny has been giving me the space I need, and I’m so grateful for it, but at this moment. I’m about to lose control. Kane has engraved a special place in my heart because of his consistency throughout my grieving.
“I’m always going to be here for you.” Kane leans closer, and I stop breathing as his face approaches mine. He’s looking at my lips…and so I look at his.
I fucking miss kissing so severely. I miss the feeling of losing myself to someone. I miss losing myself when my lips crash devastatingly onto Danny’s with impenetrable lust. I miss the surface of my heart erupting into a fire of craze that could never be put out.
I miss it so much.
I miss all of these things.
I close my eyes and let myself get lost in this forbidden feeling, but I don’t lean in. I trust myself. I know what I want and this isn’t it. I know what I have to do.
I can feel his body heat now, so I shut my eyes even tighter and frown. When I open my eyes, his breath hits my lips. He’s so close to kissing me.
This is not who I miss.
I miss Danny. I don’t want this from Kane. I crave the man who takes my breath away with just one look.
I’m not doing this. I’m not a liar.
I let my head fall, leaning away from Kane’s lips.
A low groan escapes him as his body clenches. The air transforms into bitter tension. We were about to kiss, and he knows it.
We both know it.
“This is wrong. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be here,” I tell Kane as I stand, getting away from him fast.
What am I doing?
He sits silently, staring where I used to sit on the steps as I walk away. He’s not moving, but his body language tells me he’s hurt.
But I’m angry with him for pushing the limits with me. He’s never done this before; it’s taking me by surprise. He’s always been a shoulder my mother and I could lean on after my brother’s passing. But this? This was something new…and I’m conflicted. Because I love him for that. But…I’m with Danny.
“Good night, Mr. Slaughter.” The guilt begins to eat me alive with each step I take.
What is wrong with me?
I walk toward my front door quickly. I feel terrible. This isn’t like me. It was a weak moment rooted in vulnerability and trauma. Yes…that’s what it was. It has to be.
I grab the door handle, about to swing it open. It opens slightly, but my movements fall short when Kane stops me from running away.
He grabs my hand in his big, rough hands and grips me hard, then slams the door shut, and fire pricks into every single vein, boiling when I hear it close.
“You’re right, Ari Alvarez, I shouldn’t be here.” His voice is deep and full of ecstasy, almost seducing. “But I don’t care anymore,” Kane adds, his tone full of momentousness.
I feel like whatever he’s about to say will end his friendship with Danny forever. His dark blue eyes are searching for something more from me urgently. I turn away from his eyes and look at his hand wrapped around mine.
His big hand swallows mine whole, and I try to retrieve myself from his grasp, but he holds on tighter.
“I need to say something, and I’m going to say it once and never again.”
I lift my chin to face him at his persistence. I’m enveloped with pure curiosity. It isn’t like him to be so authoritative around me.
“I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you since the first time I saw you. I’ve been keeping my distance, but I can’t anymore. And I need you to know this.”
There it is, his blatant, simple yet catastrophic confession I knew was coming one day. I assumed that he wouldn’t ever come truly clean about his feelings after he saw me with Danny at the beach.
A tear falls out of my eye as he confesses his feelings. I feel completely torn in two. I don’t want to lose Kane—he’s too important.
“I’m all in, Ari. I’d leave the fucking military for you. Danny might not want children, but I want it. I want it all. I want babies, a marriage, I want…you.”
Why is he doing this? Why now?
“Kane, I—” What the hell does he want me to say to that? This is not okay, but somewhere deep down in my heart, I know he might be the better man for me. He’s soft and sunny. While Danny is dark and full of demons he didn’t ask for. He was thrown into it by his parents. Thrown into the fire and forced to learn how to adapt to being burned daily.
Still, I can’t surpass the fact Danny has changed me in good ways, too.
Even if his love for me has been challenging, he’s taught me many things about myself and has helped me grow into the woman I am today.
“I just don’t know what you want me to say, Kane,” I whisper.
“Don’t say anything. I just need you to know.” He closes the distance between us even more now. He lifts his arm and palms the side of my front door. His lips are on my ear, causing my skin to quiver and my lungs to stop at a standstill.
“I’m all in. I know you’re with him now. Don’t get me wrong, Grim is my best friend. He’s my brother. He started to change slowly this past year, and it all makes sense now that I know it’s because of you.”
A cold breeze whips our way, sending the tips of our noses freezing and my bangs brush over my eyes.
Kane moves them away, forcing me to look at him.
“You’re good for him, but maybe you need someone who’s good for you.” He gives me that same dashing, warm, dorky smile and drops his hand to his waist. He finally leans away from me as he whispers, “I’m willing to be whatever you need me to be when I’m with you in any way that I can. No matter what, I made a promise, and I’ve kept it since day one. I’m all in, Ari Alvarez.”
Another tear falls down my cheeks.
I’m fucking confused and overwhelmed.
“Damn it, Kane, shut up,” I murmur, fighting so damn hard not to slap him.
Kane scoffs, followed by a smirk.
Then he gives me a dark expression that intensifies, and it’s a look I’ve never recognized before. When I think of Kane, I think of the steamy, dorky guy that’s always happy.
“You’ve just crossed a line. Nothing will be the same after this.” I shake my head slowly, disappointed.
I can see the moonlight reflecting through his eyes as he finally softens his appearance and wipes my tears away. His touch sends flutters throughout my stomach.
He can’t be doing this to me. I push his hand away, taking a step back.
“I know. That’s the point,” he replies.
I narrow my eyes, not wanting to decipher more.
“Sweet dreams, Ari.” His jaw sets tight, and he releases my hand. This is a side of him that I’ve never seen before. It’s so dark and yet…so intriguing.
Before he turns around, his dark blue eyes linger on my lips a little longer. Flustered doesn’t even begin to describe the way my chest feels. It’s on fire.
Shit.
It’s been too long since I’ve felt Danny.
Then Kane turns around finally and retreats to his bike. He slides his arms into his leather jacket, throwing it on as he disappears behind the thick trees that surround the front of my house. The entire time, it feels like the world is in slow motion.
I’m in love with a man named Daniel Rider.
And yet, I can’t help but feel like there could be something more there with Kane Slaughter. Because he just showed me he’s capable of saying those three words, but Danny still hasn’t, which is disappointing after all we’ve been through.