I Am Jessamine

The days flowed into one another and once the stitches were removed Jess was able to move without restriction and got to work with her dad and Willy on the odd occasion. Tad kept them entertained with his musical recitals on his fiddle and he was so talented Jessie felt enthralled each time he played. If one could hum a tune, Tad would play it. His voice, too, was something to be heard to be believed. He was most certainly gifted and Jess felt defeated thinking how popular he would be in her time, but Tad didn’t care about popularity. He simply enjoyed playing his fiddle and singing and clearly got joy out of doing so. As could be seen by his closed eyes and the blissful look on his face when he played and sang. He seemed also to be a firm favorite of the Captain as now and then Gray would seek him out and spend a couple of hours talking with the lad whenever he had the time.

Johnno appeared to be Tad’s protector and was always checking on him and explaining exactly, in pure detail, each task he set out for Tad. It wasn’t just a case of telling Tad to clean out slop buckets. Johnno would set out where Tad needed to start, how to carry the buckets, where to take them, and how to toss them over the side, and then he had to show him again how to tie the buckets to the ropes and drag them through the sea and then draw them back up all nicely cleaned out and then there was the mission to replace the slop buckets exactly where he had found them. Jessie noticed that if Tad did not put the buckets back exactly where he found them he would become unreasonably upset. So Jess made a decision to make things as simple for Tad as possible by burning symbols into the side of each bucket and then the same symbol of the wooden floor which Johnno noticed but never mentioned, but simply smiled and nodded at Jess. The routine became a relaxing balm for Jess as she worked her mind didn’t stray to Gray, his strong arms and warm, stomach fluttering and passionate kisses, or those beautiful green eyes that seemed to look straight through her.

When she got to spend some time with Ben and Willy, Jess felt all warm and fuzzy and told them both that she noticed how much leaner they were looking and it suited them. “The ladies in port are going to have a hard time trying to not notice you two.” And she laughed out loud when Willy blushed and Ben thumped him on the shoulder. “After how many years with our lot and you still blush at the idea of having relations with a woman! Amazing!” Ben laughed and shook his head at his best friend’s very obvious discomfort. The crew noticed how much they enjoyed each other’s company and their little family had quite a few of them gravitate towards them.

It started with Tad and Johnno, then Mr. Tora, and then the cook slash Bosun Billy Byrne, and so their group grew. They found a deck of cards and would play whist, which Jessie knew as an earlier form of poker, using glass beads instead of coin and everyone agreed that Jess was a natural as she managed to have the best poker face of them all and would win hand over fist. Her bag of beads was much larger than anyone else’s and almost every night there was laughter, singing, and joking around.

The only glitch on the radar was Earl McVane and his group of about four miserably angry friends who gave them suspicious glances and made snide comments and Earl’s sly behavior was just plain creepy. More than once Jess had caught him spying on her, but never called him out on it. Ben and Willy had also picked up on his antagonistic behavior toward the three of them and warned Jess to let it go and not call undue attention to herself. They had to keep themselves on the down low as much as possible so Jess had ignored Earl and found extra work for herself helping Tad where she could, working with her dad or Willy, and even assisting the Bosun, Billy Byrne when he was cooking in the galley. Jess had peeled her fair share of potatoes, chopped up enough pork, and scrubbed enough pots and pans to last a lifetime. Some of the crew joked that they were doing so much that other members of the crew had very little to nothing to do. This wasn’t entirely true as there was always something to do on the ship, but it was their way of saying they had noticed the hard work that was being done by the three of them.

The bell rang up on deck and the small evening shift of men moved up on deck as everyone else moved down to grab their bowls and get their grub, Jess included. She saw Ben and Willy walking toward her and she smiled and then got forcefully shoved from behind. The surprise and shock of the shove sent Jess crashing sideways into the beam beside the stairs and her head cracked against the hardwood. Her bowl and spoon went flying and she saw stars and her vision blurred. She shook her head and dragged herself up onto the stairs and when her eyes focused she looked into the nasty face of Earl McVane. Her rage was at boiling point and she was ready to tear into him with her nails, teeth, fists, and boots. She was so angry she could quite literally taste blood in her mouth, not realizing that it was actually her blood running down her face into her mouth. McVane grinned at her with his thin lips and crooked yellow teeth and his shiny sly little piggy eyes in a face, Jess thought, that reminded her of a great white shark and he narrowed his eyes as though he was daring her to lose control.

But before she was able to stand and then get to Earl she saw him jerked backward off his feet by the collar of his shirt and Ben was there smashing his meaty, toughened fist into Earl’s mouth. He was stunned but he stayed on his feet and charged at Ben grabbing him around the waist and pushing him backward knocking into other crew members and sending stools and buckets flying. Ben used his elbows and fists in vicious downward blows across Earl’s upper back and shoulders until finally, a blow made him drop to his knees and release his grip on Ben. As soon as he did that Ben raised his fist above his head, grabbed Earl by the hair with the other hand, and brought his large fist down, smashing into the side of Earl’s head. Reaching down and grabbing the front of Earl’s shirt Ben lifted him off his feet and in a deadly quiet, yet venom-filled voice, he said, “Touch my child again and I will rip your head off your shoulders with my bare hands.” Then loudly shouted in his face, “Do you hear me?” Ben’s face was red with rage and his eyes glittered with an emotion that Jess had not ever seen before pure hatred.

At Earl’s nod, Ben released his grip and let the man drop to the floor like wet washing and Ben stepped over him and rushed to Jess. Willy had forced Earl’s cronies to stay out of the fight by sending a few rounds of punches and slaps against ears and when he saw Ben was done he hauled Earl out of the way and helped the rest of the crew set their quarters to rights before joining Jess and Ben. “For the love of Christ, I wish we didn’t have to see any more of your blood, Jess.” He said holding her chin and turning her face to the side. “Where is Mr. Tora?’ Willy asked no one in particular.

And in typical Tad fashion, he answered, “He had to take his weekly journal to the Cap’n.” he said with large eyes in his pale face and a wary glance in Ben’s direction.

Another of the crew who appeared to be a crony of Earl’s said, “We need Mr. Tora here for Earl because I think you busted his jaw!”

Glaring at him Ben growled, “I don’t give a shit about that prick! It will do us all good for him to have his gob shut for a while. He’s done nothing but spew hatred and negativity for these past weeks.” Turning to Johnno Ben asked, “Would you mind asking Tad to go and fetch Mr. Tora for us please, lad?” Ben had also become accustomed to the routine for Tad and adhered to it as Jess and Willy and some of the crew had done.

“Yes sir, Mr. McKellie.” He said politely. Turning and taking Tad by the shoulders Johnno looked in his eyes and said, “Tad, please go up the stairs and across the deck to the Cap’s quarters and knock on the door and when you are told to enter apologize for the interruption and then ask Mr. Tora to come down and assist Jessie, please?”

“And Earl!” shouted the Earl crony whose name Jess had forgotten.

Looking over at the crewman Johnno nodded and then looked at Tad and pushed him towards the stairs and the boy took them two at a time and by the sound of his footfalls across the deck, he was sprinting.

Willy had taken his kerchief from his pocket and dipped it into his mug of ale and put it up to the side of Jessie’s face near her eyebrow. The throbbing was one thing, but the sting of the booze was entirely something else and Jess yelped and jerked her head away. “Shit, Willy! That bloody hurt!” she hissed at him and pushed his hand away, not taking notice of Earl’s crew who were watching them. Some even glared in their direction and they crowded together and muttered in hushed tones.

“Jess, we need to stop the bleeding. You look like a slaughtered pig who is going to have a shiner of note in a few minutes. Just hold the cloth to your eye at your own pressure.” He handed her the kerchief as Johnno came over with their bowls filled with stew and placed them on the barrel they used as a table. They thanked him and he smiled and turned away to fill their mugs with more ale, but already he knew to fill Jess’s with water, and just as Johnno set the mugs down and sat beside them with his and Tad’s share of food and ale Mr. Tora came bundling down the stairs with his ever-present black bag, and in the company of Captain Gray hot on his heels.

Jess felt her stomach do summersaults and her blood raced through her ears. His hair was loose and his shirt was not tucked into his trousers, and his face looked like thunder. Jess felt so turned on she had to look away quickly before anyone saw her face. She sat quietly hoping she could become invisible because she must look quite a sight with her hair loose, the ribbon in her hand, a bloodied face, and an already swelling eye.

Looking around the crowded quarters Grayson’s eyes finally found Jessie and she felt his eyes on her. As she looked up at him the color drained from his face and then his eyes grew bright and almost violent looking and he swung around, “What stupid savage did this?” he asked gesturing toward Jess and a few of the crew moved out of the way so that he could see Earl propped up against the wall looking rightly wounded and well beaten. Looking back at the trio Gray zeroed in on Ben and said, “Am I correct in assuming that this is your handiwork?” he motioned with his head towards Earl and spoke through a tight jaw and gritted teeth gripping the stair rope tightly in his fist.

“You are correct, sir.” Standing up Ben answered clearly and unapologetically.

“Fine. Appropriate punishment has been meted out.” And turning his bright, angry gaze to Jess he said, “Try, with all your might, to stay the hell out of trouble for the rest of the voyage.” With that, he spun around on his heel and headed back up the stairs.

Jessie stared after him in shock which quickly turned into anger as she wondered how this had become her fault. How dare the self-righteous prick think she was the cause of Earl’s unwanted attack on her? He had been made aware of the nasty crewman’s behavior. Jess made to stand when she felt a hand on her arm and she saw Mr. Tora looking down at her with a frown across his brow and concern in his chocolate brown eyes. Jess kept her butt on the barrel beneath her, but didn’t lose any of the anger she felt burning in her chest.

“Thank you, Mr. Tora. Our Jessie here needs to be reminded now and then of our rocky circumstances.” Said Willy looking at Jess from under his eyebrows and motioning with his head to the Earl crew on the other side of the sleeping quarters’ area who were still staring and occasionally muttering among themselves.

Hissing through a clenched jaw Jessie retorted, “Explain how this has turned into my fault?” She groaned in frustration as Mr. Tora applied a cloth soaked in rum to the cut above her eyebrow.

“No one has said it was your fault, Jess, but it won’t do you no good if you go upsetting the Captain.” Said Johnno with a mouthful of stew.

Jessie felt sick to her stomach. The nausea was not only caused by the throbbing in her head but by the pain in her chest too. Since she walked out of Grayson’s cabin she had hardly seen him and when she had he barely looked her way or when he spoke to the crew he never looked in her direction. Then again, thought Jess, that’s probably best anyway. All the same arguments and doubts entered her mind and again she wrestled with herself over her emotions and ever-present hormones.

“The captain knows how much trouble McVane is stirring up and how he goes out of his way to cause you grief because I heard the Bosun telling him and then, of course, there’s Tad. He is eager to detail the goings on within the crew.” Willy said and then leaned over and ruffled Tad’s hair and was rewarded with a big toothy grin from the boy. Jessie grinned at Tad and the boy glowed under what he deemed praise. She desperately wanted to hug the boy, but that would be seen as suspicious behavior so, instead, Jess handed him her bowl of stew and he happily took it and began eating again.

Mr, Tora finished with Jessie’s cut above her eyebrow and then grudgingly walked over to McVane who was still sitting on the floor holding his jaw. One of his cronies grumbled at the ship’s surgeon about getting his priorities right and treating true crew rather than the nuisance baggage pulled out of the ocean where they ought to have been left to drown. Mr. Tora ignored the remark and went to work on McVane. Jess hoped his jaw was broken and glared at him calling him names in her head that the crew had never even heard of before and grinned happily when she heard him groan loudly as Mr. Tora wrapped a bandage under his jaw and then around and over his head. “Dat be all I can do for ye’s Mr. McVane. Ye’s will heal sure enough. It not be broke, but it sure be damaged. Sip soup only.” He added with a quick, sly smirk and received a deadly glare from the battered man.

Jessie quickly reached over and touched her dad’s hand. “Thanks, dad.” She whispered and gave a quick wink. He winked back and Willy nudged him on the shoulder with his own and reminded Ben, “You have a target on your back now, Ben. Maybe we should consider taking turns sleeping and keeping watch on each other?”

Nodding, Ben agreed and Jess asked surprised, “Do you honestly think that idiot would try something?” looking from her father to Willy, but it was Johnno who responded quietly. “Earl McVane is new to this crew and from the time we set sail he has made it his business to see exactly what Cap’n Gray has in his stores to trade. Each time the Bosun questioned him about why he was below decks where he was not meant to be he had an excuse. The Bosun reported him to the Cap’n and we were told just to keep our eyes on him. Since you all were fished out of the sea when we left port Mr. McVane has been suspicious of you and he’s made a few friends who he has managed to turn into his cronies and they all think you are some sort of spies.” Johnno shook his head and shrugged his shoulders as Jess, Ben and Willy looked at him incredulously.

“I have a problem inside my head that makes me different, but Mr. McVane is just stupid,” Tad said absentmindedly as he shoveled the last spoonful of stew into his mouth.

They all looked around at each other and then burst out laughing in a loud chorus and Tad looked on with a grin on his beautiful face. Willy ruffled the boys’ hair and Johnno gently punched him on the arm. As the laughter subsided Mr, Tora pulled out the cards and everyone got their bags of glass beads and got ready for a game of whist. Jess felt relieved, albeit very sore, she was simply relieved. Laughter truly was good medicine, she thought.

Later that evening Jess, Ben, Willy, Billy Byrne, Mr. Tora, and two other crew, Scabbers and Jock, relieved the previous crew to do the midnight watch. The wind had picked up slightly, but Grayson had ordered the fore and main topsails to be lifted as well as the fore sail, staysail, jib and flying jib so that only the main sail caught the extra bit of wind and they stayed at a steady even speed. The main mast creaked only slightly but held fast. They all went about their duties efficiently and quietly and then walked about the deck and some stood at the railings.

Jess was standing beside her father and after talking about her beautiful shiner that she was a bit self-conscious of, they began quietly discussing the stars and he was telling her again how to follow the stars, or as the crew called them the celestial lights, and which direction they were heading. Jessie knew all of this but enjoyed listening to Ben as he spoke. These moments with him made Jess feel comfortable and she realized that so long as she had Ben in her life she felt safe.

It wasn’t long before Ben had an audience and he was teaching Billy, Scabbers, and Jock about the various ways of finding direction from the stars so Jess went off to find Willy who was standing up near the railings on the quarterdeck. On her way to him, she checked the lamps and made sure that the ropes were secured and nothing was hanging loose that could cause an accident. Reaching Willy she touched his arm lightly and he turned to her briefly and then turned back to look out over the ocean where she could see their wake. Willy hurriedly moved further up onto the poop and leaned out. Jess caught her breath and moved up as well and whispered, “What the hell are you doing? If you fall you will be killed.” When Willy did not respond Jessie looked to where he was looking but saw only darkness. Whispering a little bit more harshly Jessie demanded he come back down.

Turning back to her Willy said, “Get the Captain.” And Jess stared at his white face. “Now!” he said more forcefully and Jess jumped, then turned around and ran down the stairs and knocked on the Captain’s door. She gave the door a good hard banging and she didn’t have long to wait before it was pulled open and Grayson stood in front of her with tousled hair and a crumpled shirt trying to button up his trousers. Jess glimpsed a little more than she expected to and Grayson’s hands stopped what they were doing and he stared at her. Several emotions crossed his face but recovering from the initial shock of her standing at his door he could see that she was very nervous and edgy. “What is going on?” he asked gruffly eyeing her as he finished buttoning up his trousers and Jess pointed up to where Willy was still standing and said, “Something’s got Willy rattled and he told me to come and get you.” Brushing past her Grayson ran up the stairs to where Willy was standing and Jess followed a little more slowly, but she could hear them talking softly, but not hear what they said. Willy was motioning out behind them and Gray followed the direction he was indicating and leaned out over the railing.

By now the other crew members had noticed the Captain and they came forward and watched as Grayson jumped down and came barrelling down the stairs and motioned to Scabbers, “Go and wake the crew, but quietly and tell them no lamps are to be lit. I want them to be as silent as the grave but I want them to move quickly. Where is Billy Byrne?” He asked and Billy pushed his way forward. Gray then walked briskly back into his cabin without closing the door and started dragging a very large chest out onto the deck. Jess went to the other side of the chest and pushed and Billy helped the captain pull it the rest of the way. Gray then opened the lid of the chest and there were scabbards, swords, knives, axes, pistols, and even a nasty looking mace inside which Jess correctly guessed were the weapons of the crew that he had confiscated for the duration of the journey, or for times such as these.

By now the men were quietly pouring out of the great cabin below decks and standing whispering among themselves on the deck. Grayson stepped forward and was busy buckling the belt that was holding his long swords, he had one on each hip and a pistol shoved down the front of his pants and stood before his crew. “There is an unknown vessel with no lamps trailing in our wake and it is moving up on us swiftly. As quick as you can release all the sails so we can get full cover to use the wind that has picked up slightly to get a little distance between us and then collect your weapons. Your Bosun, Mr. Byrne, will hand out the gunpowder and shot and then supervise the gunners. Move quietly. Now!” And a chorus of bare feet patted across the deck without a word, keeping low so that no shadows were thrown by the lamps.

Reaching out and grabbing Johnno by the shoulder he pulled the boy closer, “When I tell you, I want you and Tad to go and douse the lit lamps. Only when I tell you, do you hear? Then you and Tad hide where I told you, do you remember?” When Johnno nodded Gray ruffled his hair and the boy went off in search of Tad.

Turning around he saw Jess watching him and he reached in the chest for a leather strap with a sheath attached and an unusual-looking short scabbard in it. This he drew across his chest so that the sword was in the middle of his back, between his shoulders. After securing the buckle he stepped forward and took her by the elbow and pushed her into the cabin and he marched her over to the round table where her little sword was resting. Jess noticed that the sword was not in its scabbard and the blade was gleaming. “I sharpened your blade,” Gray said simply and pushed it into the scabbard attached to the belt which he drew around her hips and pulled the buckle tight before knotting the excess leather strap over once. “If things go sideways and we are overcome I want you to open the storage space under the bed over there,” and he gestured to the bed where Jess had convalesced, “you lift the lid and get in. If it is found out that you are a woman I cannot begin to imagine what would be done to you.” Without waiting for Jess to say anything he pushed past her and opened the windows and the breeze came blowing in. “With those open, they will think some crew jumped.”

“I am not going to hide like a coward. I will fight with my father and godfather. I know how to fight, Gray. Remember, I’ve been raised by three men, and believe me they never encouraged tea parties and cute little dollies!” Jess raged at him. He stood looking at her and then with narrowed eyes and a set to his jaw moved towards her and Jess felt like prey being stalked by a black panther. She very nearly turned tail and ran out the door, but his eyes held her transfixed and she stood her ground breathing hard.

As he stood in front of her his expression softened and he lifted his hand and touched her injured face gently and said, “Seeing your face like this fills me with a rage I am almost unable to control so the idea of you being ravaged and abused by filthy swine makes me want to die, Jessie. I don’t think I could bare it.” And he leaned forward and kissed her softly on her forehead. “Please, don’t let me want to die.” And he leaned his forehead against hers and Jess held his face in her hands and closed her eyes and took a deep breath. His smell, his touch, his face, his body, and his eyes were etched into her mind and Jess shuddered involuntarily.

She so wanted to touch him and feel his lips against hers once more and forget about the world around them and the fact that they were from two different times, even though she felt comfortable with him she knew she could not live with herself for deceiving him or herself. She had always been honest and knew no amount of justification could explain away deception. He would never understand, she told herself so it was best to just not say anything at all even if it made her want to cry. She knew what she had to do and even though it was breaking her heart and her soul felt as though it was shattering and tears sprang to her eyes, she took his hands and held them tightly and gazed into his face that she knew no amount of time would ever erase from her memory, “Thank you for your concern and thank you for being my perfect man. I will never forget you Captain Grayson Murphy, but I will go and stand with my father now.” She brought his hands up to her mouth and kissed them, gave them another tighter squeeze, and then let go, set her shoulders square, and walked stiff-backed with her face set past him out of the cabin and towards where her father was stationed.

Jessie found Ben and he pulled her closer to him and looked at her and simply said, “It’s hard letting go and time doesn’t always heal, but it teaches you to live through the pain. Sometimes, just sometimes, you get to revisit what you have missed for so long.” Hugging her close he winked at her and kissed her forehead and Jess saw Ben for who he was for the first time. He was in his element standing on the deck of this trading vessel with a sword in his hand, a dagger strapped to his leg and a pistol shoved down the front of his trousers and Jessie felt his exhilaration and could not help but be affected by it and she grinned back at him knowing that Ben would never return to the ranch with her, that this was where he belonged and he deserved to be happy, maybe even find his wife again and start his life over.

Together they hunkered down beside the starboard rails and watched the sails unfurl above them and she heard someone shout that they had full coverage and then Johnno and Tad, upon instruction from Gray, doused the lamps and in the darkness, the sound of the ship creaking and groaning beneath their feet as the wind filled all sails and the ship shot forward was incredibly loud.

Jess had no idea what to expect so she simply took deep breaths and waited.

“Maintain the course, Jock.” She heard Gray shout to the helmsman and then, “She’s gaining on us and has lit her lamps. It’s a pirate ship and if they come alongside we are going to have a fight on our hands gentlemen!” Jessie looked up to see Gray standing, legs apart and his coat flapping in the wind and her heart fluttered. Looking carefully at his face Jess saw that he too had a wild look and a grin that was not altogether friendly.

Just then an unearthly sound like that of a massive explosion shook the timbers of the trading vessel and seconds later wooden splinters and massive shards of wood flew from the poop and there was a loud crash as the cannonball smashed into the bow sprit, taking down the jib and flying jib. The forecastle deck was in chaos as the crew scrambled to get out of the way and out from under ropes and sails.

“Hard to starboard, Jock. With all you have! Gunners at the ready!” shouted Gray and the command was repeated by Billy Byrne who was standing on the steps leading down to the main deck where the small canons were kept tied up.

By now Jess could see the bigger vessel moving closer to them and the very distinctive black flag with a skeleton holding a scabbard and crew crowding the railings and climbing in the rigging. She could hear their shouts and jeers as they got closer. Her heart skipped a beat when reality set in and she realized that this was real life and they were going to go head to head with bloody pirates and she could, quite possibly, die. For some reason this did not cause fear in her, it seemed to harden her resolve and she remembered her game face, tucked away her worries and pulled her sword from its sheath, and stood waiting.

The hard turn of the little vessel rocked them all quite roughly and some lost their footing and fell to their knees. Jess gripped the ropes tied onto the railings and held her footing as Gray shouted, “Fire!” with the command repeated by Billy Byrne, and a thunderous chorus of canon fire erupted within seconds from one another from the eight canons on the little vessel. The little ship shook and heaved and then righted itself. Jess peeked over the railing and saw the pirate vessel come flying over the water at them and knew that they were in trouble and were surely going to be broadsided and without thinking she shouted as loud as she could, “Broadside attack starboard!” and their crew scuttled over the deck as fast as they could to the port side railings just as the pirate ship came at them using their port side and crashed mercilessly into the little trading vessel’s starboard side. The crash between the two vessels sent barrels, ropes, and people alike tumbling and rolling across the deck. The deck creaked and groaned loudly under the assault of the bigger ship. Jess had lost sight of her father but saw Willy stand looking straight at her and she ran as fast as she could to get to him.

Grapples were thrown and hooked onto the little O’Murchadha and the pirates used ropes to swing and ladders to climb over and onto the deck of the little vessel. They looked like ants swarming over a carcass and Jess felt Willy’s back press up against her back and then there was Ben at her shoulder and they were standing side by side and Mr. Tora joined them and stood at Willy’s shoulder and Ben’s back. They were ready and the fight began.