Hopeless (Chestnut Springs Book 5)

Beau: I need to talk to someone.

Jasper: No shit. Been telling you that for a while now.

Beau: No. Dick. I need advice.

Jasper: Have you considered Harvey? His advice is always the most entertaining.

Beau: Jas, I’m serious. I can’t handle Harvey’s insanity right now, and you’re the only one who knows about this.

Jasper: Oh. Beer?

Beau: Beer.

Jasper: Pick me up. Sunny will drive me home when she’s done practice.

Beau: I can bring you back.

Jasper: You could, but you’ll prioritize sitting at the bar like the lovesick puppy you are.

I swing by Jasper’s house to pick him up. He’s back from summer training camp in Rose Hill and getting ready for pre-season with the Grizzlies. Which means we’re heading into the time of year where I hardly see him at all.

Especially now that he has Sloane.

Not that I’m one to talk with the amount of time I’ve been spending with Bailey.

I put my truck in park and wait. This fucker is constantly running late. Has been since we were teenagers, since I picked him up and made him move in with us. Made him an honorary Eaton.

My mind drifts back to this morning. To waking up with Bailey, naked, cradled against me, my nose nestled into her coconut and sugar-scented hair. My arms wrapped over her body while her hands held my biceps, as though I would let go if she didn’t hold me against her.

After our orgasms, I used a warm, damp cloth to clean the mess we made and crawled into bed with her.

We didn’t say anything.

At 2:11, I woke with a gasp rather than a yell.

She reached for me before padding to the bathroom and returning with lotion that smelled like her. In the dim light, she gently rubbed my feet until the burning sensation subsided and then crawled back under the covers with me.

We didn’t say anything. Didn’t need to.

Until morning, when I realized there were things I needed to say to her. Things that shouldn’t go unsaid.

And for all my heroics, I took one look at her peaceful, sleeping face, felt my body come alive from watching her lie there, and I crawled out of bed before I could do anything I shouldn’t.

I worked all day, found things to fix just to keep myself busy.

Then I texted my best friend—my almost-brother—and told him I needed to talk.

Movement at the front door draws my attention. Jasper jogs down the front steps of his and Sloane’s new house. He’s dressed like he’s been to the gym. Hair curling around his ears, Calgary Grizzlies hoodie stacked up around his neck, shorts, and sneakers.

When he yanks the door of my truck open, he smiles at me. I’ve known Jasper for the better part of our lives, and I’ve never seen him look as happy as he does lately. He’s lost so much, been alone in so many ways. He was moody and quiet and shy.

But now he has Sloane.

I smile back at him. “Hey, man.”

He hops in, slamming the door. “Hey, dumbass,” is his reply as he buckles up. “How’s it going?”

I roll my eyes and pull out of the driveway. “Fine.”

“That’s it? You text and tell me you need to go for a drink when I know you’re basically living some sort of deep-cover mission and what you give me is fine?”

“I’m waiting until we’re on the road.”

“Why?” He’s literally laughing at me now.

“I don’t fucking know, Jas. I’m paranoid about anyone hearing. I don’t want to betray Bailey.”

“You think Cade has some sort of special microphones planted around the ranch?” He peers around us dramatically.

“Fuck off.”

He does not fuck off, though. Instead, he claps his hands together and then points at me. “Nah. It’s probably those new supersonic hearing aids Harv got.”

“Dad got hearing aids?”

Jasper chuckles, flopping back in his seat. “Goddamn, dude. You ask some seriously stupid questions for someone who was supposed to have been a super soldier.”

I can’t help but crack a smile now. “That’s what Bailey always says.”

I expect Jasper to laugh, but he doesn’t. In fact, he goes so quiet I glance over at him as we turn out of the ranch and head into town.

He stares at me.

“What?”

He tips his chin at me. “You.”

“Don’t be Mr. Mysterious with me. That’s not our jig, and you know it.”

“Okay, well, that rule goes both ways. Yeah?”

I shake my head. Can’t ever pull one over on Jasper. He’s too smart. Watches everything too damn closely.

Including me, apparently.

“Fine. Sure.”

“I’ve been in your company for like two minutes and you’ve brought Bailey up twice.”

“And?”

“Just making an observation. Once per minute is a pretty solid clip.”

“You talk about Sloane all the time.” I sound defensive to my own ears.

“Well, we are married. Were actually engaged at one point.”

I straighten and twist my palms on the steering wheel. “Well, so are Bailey and I.”

I don’t need to turn my eyes on Jasper to know the look he’s giving me right now. It’s blank and impassive. He does it well.

“Really, Beau? We’re gonna play that game?”

“What? We are. For all intents and purposes, we are.”

“Do you know what the word ‘intent’ even means?”

My molars grind. “Yes.”

“Okay, good. Cool. Thought you might have been confused.” He chuckles as he props one foot over his knee.

“I’m not. We’re engaged.”

I refuse to glance over at him and keep my eyes on the road as silence blankets the cab of my truck. Five seconds stretch into ten. Into twenty. I’m ready to snap at him about the silent treatment when he finally says, “Oh shit.”

“Oh shit, what?”

“You’re into her.”

Into her.

That seems like it’s vastly understating whatever it is I feel for Bailey.

Invested.

Possessive.

Obsessed.

I scrub a hand over my face and decide not to use any of those words in case Jasper thinks I’m insane. “Yeah,” is all I reply with.

“So, the fake part of this fiancée thing isn’t very fake anymore?”

“I don’t know. It’s changed.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be tied down?”

I grunt. “I don’t. Okay, I didn’t.”

Jasper lets out a low whistle, like he’s impressed. He knows all the reasons why I haven’t wanted to tie myself to anyone. But now I’m not taking off at the drop of a hat. Now my chances of dying are significantly lower.

Now I’m here to stay.

“But you guys haven’t talked about it?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Then why are you talking to me about it?”

“Because I don’t know who else to talk to about it,” I bite out.

“Maybe try the girl who it involves?”

“Rich coming from you. How many years did you pine after Sloane before you came clean?”

From the corner of my eye, I see Jasper shake his head. “That was different, and you know it. But even if it weren’t, I have enough perspective now to tell you I wish I’d told her sooner. I wish I hadn’t counted myself out or convinced myself I didn’t deserve something happy.”

I flinch at his words, covering it by pretending to swat at a fly. Didn’t deserve something happy. He’s a little too on the nose today.

“Nobody just waltzes around telling their lifelong friend they’re into them, Jas. Not anyone with a modicum of survival instinct anyway. Imagine she turned you down. Oof. That would have been rough. Kiss that friendship goodbye.”

I look both ways before pulling out onto the main highway that will lead us into Chestnut Springs. The tires go from crunching over gravel to humming over asphalt. The radio from slightly crackling to clear sound.

Finally, Jasper speaks. But it’s in that quintessentially Jasper way, quiet and introspective, like he’s thought out every single word before they even leave his lips. “Right. But it would have been worse to spend my life wondering what would have happened if I told her. Or wishing I had.”

I swallow as the horizon line in front of us changes. Buildings crop up as downtown comes into view. As we draw closer to the bar. To Bailey.

To the girl I might spend a lifetime wishing I’d told this thing isn’t fake to me anymore.