His Soul & His Shame

I can't deal with them right now! Why is this happening to me? I am responsible for everything, I should have avoided everything by staying within my limits and not crossing any lines with him. I am looking like a fool who was played by her best friend. "Not right now, Ezra! I can't deal with you right now. I need a break." I said to him looking into his narrowed eyes.

"You need a break? From what?" He has the nerve to ask me that! Is he empty in his head?

"I need a break from YOU and from this drama!" I sneered at him, I am so annoyed and pissed off by his attitude and totally by him. How can he just ask me this and how can he show up here when I clearly said to him that I need time from him. He doesn't give a fuck about me and my wishes. This proves how much of a jerk he is.

I was so blind running after him that I haven't seen what he is doing to me and with me. Now I can see through him easily.

"Did you hit your head somewhere? If so then you need to get checked up by a doctor." He scoffed, not paying any heed to my words or he is not clearly seeing how much I am hurting behind the anger and annoyance.

"Listen up! I really don't have time for this and especially for you, just go away. I don't want to talk to you." I had enough of his ignorance and his ego and confidence that he can walk all over me again and again.

Ezra's eyes narrowed and his jaw was ticking with anger and annoyance but I am not intimidated or afraid that I stood up for myself for the first time against him and he is having a hard time accepting it.

"Mitch, Go home! I will talk to you later." He dismissed her without even looking at her. She is watching him with wide eyes like he has said something so absurd. Ugh! Why are they being so dramatic!

"But Baby!....." He raised his hand to cut her off whatever she was going to say. Like a little submissive she is, closing her mouth with an irritated groan. He is controlling her too. Nothing is new, Ezra loves to control and dominate everything and everyone.

I scoffed at them before entering my home, I turned around to lock the door not wanting to have another encounter with the jerk but I am not successful in that as the pompous jerk is already standing inside.

"I clearly stated in my text to you that I am not ready to talk to you now and I meant it then why are you here! Ezra?" I gritted out in annoyance. I am feeling annoyed, angry, mad, and hurt.

He closed the door by kicking it with his leg and started striding toward me with his long legs. My heart started beating so erratically and I can feel my face heating up. This is not good for me, I can't feel anything right now. If I show him how he affects me then he will again take the lead in my life and I don't want that to happen at any cost.

I whipped my body around and started running towards my room before he caught up to me. I took two steps at a time to reach my room and I can hear his amused chuckle and footsteps behind me.

By the time I reached my room, he was already behind me and I felt his breath on my ear. I yanked the door open still trying to escape him. My heart and mind are having a war with each other. My heart wants him and my mind wants to get away from him.

I stood in my room behind my back and I failed to hide from Ezra. Now he is in my personal space and his front is glued to my back, raising goosebumps all over my body and my breath to skip a beat.

"What do you think you are doing?" I whispered hating myself right now. How can my body still react to him this way if nothing happened? How can my heart still cry out for him?

"What do you think?" He countered in my ear nibbling on it and I shuddered at him. A moan trying to escape from his sweet torture.

"Ezra!" He is leaving a trail of kisses from my jaw to my neck and I tilted my neck to give him more access. His hands are all over my body dipping and groping each part pulling moans from me. I want more, more of him.

He turned me around and wasted no time in attacking my lips. Our lips moved in sync, first slowly, and then it started getting heated and the thing between my legs started throbbing so painfully that I needed some fraction to stop it. I closed my thighs tightly to stop the ache but it was still not helpful.

Our bodies are molded together with no gap and we are attacking each other like wild animals. Ezra moved his hand from my hair and dipped it down my stomach and into my pants, his fingers reached into my panty and parted the lips. He started stroking the bundle of nerves that was throbbing and wanted attention. My hips are moving according to his finger's rhythm and I am practically riding his fingers shamelessly trying to reach my climax.

Ezra pushed his middle finger into my core, making me gasp with slight pain and pleasure. His thumb is rubbing the c**t and his finger is moving in and out of my core. My hips and his fingers moved according to each other and our mouths hungrily devoured each other, in no time my thighs started shaking and the knots started tightening in my stomach making me moan out loud. Ezra's fingers are still inside me and he is still moving his fingers helping me chase my climax. My body slumped down on his shoulder and Ezra removed his hand from my pants. My eyes are closed and I am in a daze.

"You did so good, baby girl!" Like I was stuck by the lightning I removed myself from Ezra and pushed him. Hate, anger, and disgust are what I am feeling right now. How can I shamelessly allow him to touch me? How did I forget what he did the next day after sleeping with me?

I am so fucked up, I don't have any self-respect and control over my body.

"Leave!" I croaked out, I bowed my head down in shame. He is someone's boyfriend and I am the reason he cheated on her. How can I face myself in the mirror and live with it?

"Baby girl? I can explain......" I cut him off before he can make any more lies and excuses. I am so tired of him and his lies.

"There is nothing to explain Ezra and I really don't want to talk to you so please respect that and leave." I fisted my hands and my nails are digging into my palms and I deserve the pain.

"This is not over, Fay! And I will come back and we will talk." He ordered like has the right to order me. I don't think I will be here when he comes back and I am not planning to stay anymore and face him.

I didn't reply and just stood there with a bowed head taking rapid breaths trying to not break down in front of him. He moved forward but I took a step back not wanting to be near him. He stood there for a second and left the room, closing the door with a bang.

The second the door closed my body collapsed to the ground and I started sobbing with anger, hurt, and shame. How can he treat me like this when he has a girlfriend? What does he think about me? Am I going to be his shame forever? I don't want to live like this and I definitely don't want to be a second option.