Heartprints in the Void

After a short weekend of doing 'hoodrat shit'-which really consisted of Ava and I binge watching *Buffy the Vampire Slayer* and eating about ten thousand calories-it's Sunday morning, and I'm making cappuccinos while I patiently wait for my freshly baked chocolate chip banana bread to cool. "Alright, I think I'm good to go?"

I smile softly as I avert my gaze to Ava, eyeing her as she emerges from my bedroom with her make-up bag in her hand. She stuffs it into her travel bag, zipping it shut before lowering herself onto the couch to slide her boots on. The hardest part about having less than a handful of friends is that they all live in different cities or states and I don't get to see them very often. I'm a lonely person because I make it harder than it needs to be to connect with people on a deeper level than the surface, and it's intentional.

I have a no-tolerance policy, and in a world like this, finding people that are not okay with being stagnant while also expecting them to hold themselves up to a certain standard is hard.

I don't blame them.

Some people can only do so much, and that's okay. However, if I, as someone who cares for you, believe without a shadow of a doubt that you have the capacity to be better and be more, I'm not shy about it. I will tell you the truth in love, even if it hurts to hear it, and I expect nothing less in return.

Hence the loneliness.

"Ooh," she looks up, watching me as I set down two fairly large mugs on the table. "Is that cappuccino?" She asks excitedly.

"And homemade banana bread," I tell her. "Baked it this morning while you were still asleep."

She gasps, holding her hand up against her chest in exaggeration, "I'm being spoiled. This is why I love you!"

I chuckle softly, setting down a couple of plates with a slice of bread on each as I lower myself onto one of the chairs of the dining table. "So, what are you gonna do when you get home?" I ask her as she makes her way toward me and sits on the empty chair across from myself.

She shrugs, muttering in discontent, "Meh. Study. Read. Cry. Read some more. Study some more. Cry some more. The usual."

I arch a brow, reminding her, "Four more months and you get to start all of the fun stuff."

"I know..." Her voice trails off briefly, sitting up on her chair, cheerfully saying, "I am really excited to start working at an actual clinic doing *actual* work. Might even join the military and offer my services there. Who knows? The possibilities are limitless...maybe."

I offer her a warm smile, looking down at the mug that I hold carefully in my hands. It's warm against my palms and oddly comforting. Unfortunately, with my restless mind, an uneasiness weighs heavy on my shoulders as I linger on the thought of Ava's ridiculous theory about Cade and his father.

"What's on your mind?" She suddenly asks, and I can't bring myself to look her in the eye, admitting to myself that I'm embarrassed for even entertaining the thought.

"What y-you said about "I sigh, shaking my head in my hesitation.

She nudges at me, urging me to continue as she asks, "What I said about what?"

"This is so stupid, but," my eyes flicker up to capture her own, forfeiting, "the whole hypnosis thing. Were you just messing with me, or do you really think that it's possible?"

She looks at me for a long moment, holding her silence as she taps her index finger on the surface of the table. There's a thoughtful look on her face, and it's evident that whatever her next words are going to be, she's choosing them carefully.

Her voice is low, reluctance clear on her face as she says, "I think that a man with as much wealth, connections, and power as David Sinclair is a very dangerous man. Obviously, there are a million reasons why Cade could've suddenly changed, and I don't know him the way that you do. You might just be standing too close and not be seeing that what happened to him is not actually extraordinary, but if you have the opportunity to find out, wouldn't you want to?" "I want to, but I -"

"You just don't know if it's worth risking losing your job over it if it turns out that you're wrong." It's as though she can read right through me, and as right as she always is, she asks the one thing that solidifies my choices, "But what if you're right? Is it worth the chance of, at the very least, having a peace of mind?"

*What good is it if I'm right though?*

I'm not delusional. I know that nothing I do will ever make things go back to what they used to be, and truth be told, I don't know if I want Cade back. I love him, and that will never change, even if it's loving him from a distance. He was a very important person to me, regardless of how long that was for. My heart will always feel *something* for him, and I will always wonder what could've been.

However, on the off chance that this... utterly insane idea is true, what could I possibly hope to gain from it? I can't do anything about it. I'm sure that David and whoever did this, *if* they did it, would have me killed if they found out that I learned the truth.

*That* or I'll end up in federal prison for the rest of my life because I'm pretty sure that me using my access to the system to read classified files for unrelated work reasons is illegal in about a hundred different ways. *At best, it's unethical.*

Ava pauses for a long moment, taking a sip of her cappuccino. She sighs as she sets it down on the table, telling me, "Elys, I know that for a long time, you blamed yourself. Guys like Cade are a phenomenon that come once in a lifetime, if you're lucky, so I get it."

Her eyes still holding mine, she adds, "I know that you think that you're nothing special, and I'm going to tell you a million times over that you're wrong because you are. You are one of the most extraordinary people I've ever met, and I say that wholeheartedly. So for your sake, I hope that you get the answers that you want."

I furrow my eyebrows, questioning her, "What do you mean?"

"You have a tendency to latch on to things until you figure them out and I know that this has been eating away at you for the past three years," she's frank, stating in a matter-of-a-fact tone, "whether you care to admit it or not." *She's gonna make one hell of a doctor.*

With a long road ahead of her, she quickly finishes her cappuccino and banana bread while we have the same debate that we always have over who's the sexiest vampire in The Vampire Diaries series: Damon or Stefan. *It's Damon. I will say it a million times.*

After warm farewell hugs, I watch Ava from my small balcony as she walks to her car and drives off, leaving me alone with Bubbles, my thoughts, and...my work laptop.

It's not long before I'm staring at the screen of my computer, wondering where would I even begin or if there's a way for me to access what I need to without needing to ask for Cade's permission.

Fortunately, thanks to Cade, I know how to modify the firewall rules to allow myself into the network that the server resides in. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can modify the firewall rules without setting off an alarm. One thing I'm sure of: I know exactly where to find what I'm looking for. The only issue is that I have no idea what network, let alone what the IP address is, of our internal network that the server is hosted on. Without that IP, I can't access those files.

*What the hell am I doing..?*

I shake my head, flipping my laptop shut. This is a bad idea, for multiple reasons. Even if what Ava said turns out to be true, what good is it going to do me? Cade wants nothing to do with me, and nothing I find is going to change that.