Fury Focused

After ten hours of restless sleep, I once again woke sweaty. Only this time, I was irritable, too. How many times did I need to hurt Oanen to prove to myself I wasn’t good for him? I had no answer. Not even after breakfast or a long shower or a marathon of science fiction shows.

Frustrated, I wandered to the kitchen. A knock on the back door interrupted my mindless staring contest with the inside of the fridge. I looked up and saw a familiar face that lifted my mood a bit. At least, enough to answer the door without a scowl.

“Hey, Fenris. Sorry about last night.”

“No need to apologize. I was just wondering if you might want some company today?”

I stepped aside to let him in.

“Running from your her-herd again?”

He grinned.

“So what have you been up to? Other than last night, I haven’t seen you all week,” I said.

“Nothing special. Sessions and pack stuff. Aubrey’s actions led to a pack-wide inquisition.”

“Spanish style?” I closed the door behind him and went back to the fridge.

“No. No jailing or torture, other than Aubrey.”

“Yeah, what happened to her?”

“She was moved to another pack where she’s being kept in isolation, only speaking with that pack leader. It’s like a retraining program.” He grew quiet behind me. “So what are you hoping to find in there?”

“Some miracle food that will solve all my problems. Know of any?”

He chuckled. “Nope. But, I hear talking about problems helps. I have good ears.”

“And teeth and eyes, I bet.”

“Only for girls who like to wear red.”

I closed the fridge door and rolled my eyes at him.

“Seriously, tell me what’s going on,” he said kindly.

“I hate not knowing what I really am or what I’m capable of. Sure, I’m a fury. But, what the hell’s a fury? My mom could have at least given me some kind of heads-up before she took off. If I’d known something, anything, about myself maybe I wouldn’t be so freaked out.”

“Why are you freaked out?”

“I’ve burned Oanen twice now without meaning to, and my eyes are starting to glow when I’m angry or…well, never mind. No matter what, burning people can’t be good.”

“Is Oanen mad that you burned him?”

I snorted.

“No. He keeps telling me it’s no big deal. I don’t know what needs to happen for him to realize how dangerous I might be. Death by fire? He’s insane for not seeing the risk.”

Fenris studied me for a long moment before he wrapped me in a slow, comforting hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and released a long breath. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed a sympathetic hug until he gave it.

“Oanen’s not insane,” Fenris said quietly. “I don’t think there’s a guy alive who wouldn’t suffer anything for the right girl.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“I don’t think you need to be. I’m touching you, and I’m just fine. You feel warm, but not hot enough to burn me. You’ll learn control with Oanen, too.”

I pulled back, and he released me, his gaze filled with compassion.

“Thank you.”

“Any time. Now, how about we start making some dinner, and you tell me what else is bothering you?”

“Why do you think there’s something else?”

“Because you said problems. Plural. So, spill it.”

“You just want me to feed you.”

He covered his heart with a hand and pretended to be wounded. Grinning, I opened the fridge again and pulled out what we’d need to make burgers.

“You’re right. It’s not just worrying about what might happen to Oanen. Uttira’s getting to me. I can’t stand the way the people here treat the humans.”

I handed Fenris a tomato to slice and started forming patties.

“Maybe that’s because you still see yourself as human,” Fenris said.

“You’re partly right. I know I’m different from them, but I don’t feel like a completely different species. And I don’t see how any other creature can view humans as so different when we all look like them. Why do we think our differences make us superior?”

“That’s a good question.”

I let the pan heat before putting two burgers in.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. There’s no valid reason. The humans are treated the way they are because they’ve always been treated like that. You saw what happened to Zoe. If you had a younger sister, would you want some guy creeping on her?”

“No.”

“Did you notice how I didn’t say the species creeping on your pretend sister? You know why? Because I knew it wouldn’t matter. No one wants to be treated like that.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” he asked, taking two plates out of the cupboard.

“Uttira’s attitude toward humans starts with the Council. Rules need to change in order to change perceptions.”

“What rules?”

“The one where humans have to willingly be bait for all the creatures in Uttira. While I understand that the creatures here need to learn, it doesn’t need to occur in a way that’s threatening to the humans. Why not have them go to the Academy with the rest of us? They’d be in a more protected environment there. Ashlyn feels so segregated and fearful of her safety, she doesn’t leave her house. And the Council encourages that behavior by having everything she needs delivered to her. Ashlyn should be able to run to the store if she wants, without worrying about someone trying to eat her.”

I slid the two patties on the buns Fenris had waiting, and he carried the plates to the table. While we ate, I vented and he listened. He didn’t agree or disagree with anything, just listened. When we finished, he helped me with the dishes.

“Thank you for listening,” I said. “You’re right. I do feel a little better.”

He put the plate away and gave me his usual boyish grin.

“Any time. Just keep feeding me.”

I hugged him, grateful to have a friend, and it made me realize just how much I missed having Eliana around. I needed to call her today and—

The door opened behind me. I pulled back from Fenris and turned to see who’d come in.

Oanen stood just inside the kitchen. Shock briefly showed on his face before all expression vanished. The only tell at what he felt was his hard, twitching jaw muscle.

Before I could say anything, he turned around and walked out. I ran after him, reaching the porch as wings started to unfurl from his back.

“Don’t you dare take off without listening to an explanation,” I said.

The wings folded and absorbed back into his skin. He didn’t turn to face me, though. Instead, I stared at his amazingly naked backside.

“I think what I saw was explanation enough.”

“What you saw was a hug between two friends.”

The front door opened and closed. I knew Oanen heard it, too, because he fisted his hands. I stepped off the porch, grateful that Fenris had left and given me the privacy I needed to talk to Oanen.

“Right. Friends.”

“Friends, Oanen. Use your damn ears. Does Fenris make my heart race? Does he make me hot enough to burn him? No.”

His hands remained fisted, fueling my already smoldering temper. I stalked forward until I stood just behind him.

“Given my disposition to most people, I know it’s hard to believe that I might actually crave friendship. But I do. Finding someone who doesn’t annoy the piss out of me is unbelievably rare. And, that’s exactly why I need to keep the ones I have, no matter what the gender. Your jealousy isn’t cute. It’s infuriating. Either trust me or fly away.”

He bowed his head for a moment then turned.

“Seeing you in someone else’s arms hurt more than any burn you could ever give me.”

“Because you’re putting meaning into the gesture that just isn’t there,” I said. “I already feel so caged in this place. Don’t cage me more because you’re jealous.”

“I can’t change how I feel.”

I briefly closed my eyes, struggling to control my temper.

“You can change it by trusting that what I feel for you I have never, and will never, feel for anyone else. You’re choosing not to trust.” I lifted my gaze to glare at him. The sight of his angry, red face pushed me too far.

When I opened my mouth, it wasn’t my voice that echoed around us; it was my fury.

“Leave now, Oanen Allister Quill, before I pluck the wings from your back.”

His wings erupted and wrapped around me at the same time as his arms.

“Take them,” he said fiercely against my ear. “They’re yours, like my heart.”

His words penetrated the rage boiling in my mind.

“I’m sorry I doubted you, Megan. I won’t make that mistake again.”

I slowly exhaled in relief and hugged him in return. He winced slightly, and I immediately pulled back. It wasn’t until that moment that I noticed the acrid smell of burnt feathers and scorched grass.

All the things I’d blocked out in my fit of temper hit me hard. I took a stumbling step back when I caught sight of his singed wings and the blisters on his chest and arms. His face wasn’t angry red, just burnt red. Each retreating step crunched as I backed out of the blackened circle of grass around us. I’d done that. All of it.

“It’s okay, Megan,” he said, not trying to follow me. “I’m fine. Breathe. Just breathe.”

I realized I was panting for air and stopped walking to brace my hands on my knees. I forced myself to take several slow, deep breaths. I started to shake. What the fuck was wrong with me? Who got that mad over a jealous boyfriend?

“I should have let you think that hug was something it wasn’t,” I said. “You would have been safe then.”

A hand settled on my head.

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

I continued to just breathe as he ran his fingers over my hair. After a few minutes, the shaking stopped.

“I can’t keep going like this,” I said. “I need answers.”

“Let me go inside and grab some pants, then we can go to my parents.”

I nodded, not looking up.

A moment later, the porch door banged shut. I stood and stared at the damage I’d caused. Burned patches in the shape of footprints started near the back door and disappeared into the circle of blackened grass. The edges still smoldered, and wisps of smoke continued to rise up in the air. Inside the circle, twin patches of fall, brown-green grass in the shape of Oanen’s feet remained untouched.

Turning away from the ravaged yard, I walked into the house. Water ran in the bathroom. While I waited for Oanen to reappear, I finished cleaning up the kitchen. By the time the bathroom door opened, I sat at the table.

When Oanen entered the kitchen, he wasn’t wearing jeans but a pair of loose shorts I hadn’t even known he’d left here. I understood the choice, though. All his exposed skin looked far too red. Some of it had blistered. Some of it had blackened and peeled.

I swallowed hard and averted my gaze, struggling with my guilt.

“All the burns in the world wouldn’t come close to causing the pain I felt when I thought I’d lost you,” he said.

I shook my head, unable to speak. He crossed the room and stood in front of me. Without a word, he held out his hand. I knew it was more than an offer to stand. He was asking for trust, just like I’d asked of him. I did trust him. But, could I trust myself? Both Oanen and Fenris thought I should. Yet, the blistered palm held out to me begged otherwise.

I looked up at him.

“Why me?”

He studied me for a long moment, then his lips twitched slightly.

“Because you got my attention when no other girl could.”

“I hit you in the face.”

“You did. And after that, I couldn’t look away. It’s you, Megan. Always.”

He crooked his fingers to draw my attention to the hand he still held out. Heart aching, I clasped his hand gently and stood. I stared up into his beautiful blue eyes and felt myself start to cry. Our fascination with each other was going to get him killed.

“Don’t,” he said, stepping into my space. He released my hand and cupped my face, his thumb brushing away the tear that spilled over.

His lips gently settled over mine, a light caress of shared anguish.

“We’ll get through this. I promise,” he whispered against my lips.

I nodded and stepped back, too afraid that I’d accidentally hurt him more.

“I’ll drive you home,” I said.

He followed me out of the house. Instead of letting him open my car door for me, I opened his and watched him closely as he eased himself inside. He masked his pain well, but I knew it was there in the way he didn’t fully relax into the seat and the way his expression didn’t change at all.

I tried to emulate him as I got in behind the wheel and kept all my worry from my face. When he reached over and put his hand on my leg, I knew I wasn’t doing as good of a job at hiding what I felt as he was.

“What are your parents going to think?” I asked once we were on the road.

“Hopefully, that it’s time to tell us whatever they know about furies.”

Unwilling to steal his hope with my doubt, I said nothing; and the rest of the car ride progressed in silence.

Mr. and Mrs. Quill both waited by the door when I pulled up before their home. I parked the car and got out quickly, meaning to help Oanen, but he opened his door and stood before I could reach him. His mother’s face paled at the sight of him, and her gaze immediately flicked to me. I could feel myself growing warm with my climbing anger. None of this would have happened if Adira would have just explained what I was.

Oanen reached out and threaded his fingers through mine. With a gentle tug, he led me to his parents.

“You have blood on your cheek. Are you all right, Megan?” Mrs. Quill asked.

I frowned and wiped at my cheek while wondering why she was asking about me and not Oanen.

“She’s okay, Mom. She was crying,” Oanen said.

“Blood tears? Already?” she said, sounding worried.

My gaze pinned hers.

“You knew I’d cry blood? What else do you know?”

She was already slowly shaking her head.

“Please,” I begged. “Look at Oanen. I don’t want to hurt him like that again.”

Her compassionate gaze held mine for a moment before she waved us in.

“Let’s talk inside,” Mr. Quill said.

Oanen waited for me to go first then hung back to walk with his father, who I heard ask, “How bad are the wings?” Oanen didn’t answer.

“Let’s go to the study while Oanen cleans himself up,” Mrs. Quill said.

No steps echoed ours on the stairs, and when I glanced back, there was no sign of Oanen or his father.

“Oanen will be just fine,” Mrs. Quill said softly.

“This time, maybe,” I said, continuing up the stairs. “But what about next time?”

“Are you so sure there will be a next time?” she asked.

“Since I have no clue what’s happening, that means I have no control. No hope of stopping it. And, Oanen refuses to stay away. So, yeah, I’m pretty sure there will be a next time.”

I walked into the study first but stopped short at the sight of Adira.

“You are only partially correct,” she said. “You do know what’s happening. You’re coming into your fury powers. You cry blood, and you can generate enough heat to burn things or people. And you’re unable to control it. Yet. However, your lack of control has nothing to do with your lack of knowledge about what you will become. You lack control because you aren’t spending the time to learn who you are now.”

I stared at her for two heartbeats. Annoyance crawled under my skin, but no rage. Not yet.

“You know, for a guidance counselor, you do very little guiding. I don’t need your bullshit answers right now. I need your help. And if you’re not willing to give it, fine. Let me leave so I can find my mom. She owes me an explanation.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s just not possible. You cannot leave without your mark. And, you will not earn your mark until you learn to control your anger.”

“You know what? This whole ‘here to learn control and blend’ thing is such a load of crap. I sure as hell do not feel like anyone is teaching me anything. All I see being taught is how to successfully hunt humans without getting caught. That’s not control, and that’s not blending. Take another look at your high and mighty Academy and see it for what it is. A training ground for the next generation of predators. You want peaceful coexistence? Start treating the humans like they have just as much right to exist as we do. And stop hiding the truth from everyone.”

“What would you have us do?” Mrs. Quill asked.

“Start by giving me answers. Then, get rid of the humans’ assigned duties. The duties degrade the humans in the Uttira residence’s eyes. We need to stop thinking less of them, or you’ll have another incident like Trammer on your hands.”

“Without an opportunity to practice, how will our youth learn to control their urges?” Adira asked, completely ignoring my plea for information.

“Not my problem.”

I turned to Oanen’s mom. “Tell Oanen I’ll call him later.”

I took a step toward the door.

“You honestly feel you’ve learned no control since coming here?” Adira said.

“Yes. If I were in a crowded city, I’d be just as likely to punch someone in the face as I was before.”

“Perhaps we should test that.”