Finding Forgiveness

I woke in the soft sheets of my bed, slowly opening my eyes to see Max and Milly sat at my feet.

"Hey," Milly said softly, reaching for my hand.

I furrowed my eyes in confusion and looked down at the pillow as I tried to make sense of everything.

It was a few moments of blissful ignorance before I sat bolt upright. "Luca," I said, "Where is he?"

Max smiled and pushed me back down as I tried to stand up, "He's still in the hospital but he's alive and relatively stable.”

"Relative?" I asked.

"He's in a coma. As you know, the wolf healing process doesn't trigger when unconscious so until he wakes up, we just have to hope that the human part of him is strong enough,” he replied, "But they've stitched him up, given him a blood transfusion, kept his heart beating and his lungs breathing. The Doctors didn't think he'd get this far but now they say so long as he wakes soon, he'll be fine."

I nodded, "So all we can do is pray to the Goddesses that he wakes up?”

Milly squeezed my hands, "Yes."

"How did I get here?" I asked looking all around the room.

The last thing I remember was Leo carrying me through the forest as my head pounded with grief.

"You passed out. The Alpha brought you here and told us to leave you to sleep until you wake up,” Milly explained, "He's gone out to clear up the territory and help with the search for injured and missing soldiers but the children are all sound asleep in bed."

I smiled, "You were amazing," I said to her, "How did you do that?!"

"I don't know," she replied, "It just felt right. To use it to protect the kids. I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"It's okay," I said, "What you did was more than I can ever thank you for. And plus, had I got away with you, I wouldn't have had the chance to finally shoot that motherfucker in the head like I should have months ago."

Max grinned, "Proud of you, cuz," he said, wrapping his arm around me, "And you Mils," he said pulling his sister into the hug, "You two women saved this pack.”

I grinned at Milly, "Does that mean you're staying?" I asked excitedly. Max nodded and kissed us both on the head, "I can't control Milly's life anymore. She's not a kid anymore and besides...she'll smoke my ass easily."

Milly smiled.

"But I'm still your brother and you said you'd get some rest once Ella was awake,” he said sternly, "Get to bed.”

He then released her from the cuddle before shoving her towards the door as she laughed, "Now."

After that, Milly headed to bed and Max and I were certainly not about to wake the eight noisy beasts from their sleep so it was just us sitting in the library.

I couldn't bring myself to read with the thoughts of all the suffering and grief still going on out there and Luca fighting for his life in the ICU. So I sat with a book splayed out in my lap, staring at the fire in the hearth. Max was pouring over some thriller. How he could read such a thing considering the circumstances I don't know, but it had been at least half an hour since he las looked up to check on me.

He was engrossed.

"What are you reading?" I asked, dragging my stare from the flickering flames to Max.

"Zombie genocide," he said without taking his eyes off the page, "It's good."

I rolled my eyes, "How can you read right now? Are your thoughts not too loud?"

"There's no point sitting there wallowing," he replied, "Distract yourself."

"Were you injured?” I asked and he sighed before looking of from his book.

"Or don't..." he muttered, "No. I was lucky to get off with a few scratches and bruises. It was a blood bath.”

"So we've lost a lot of men?” I questioned.

He nodded, "Hundreds."

I sighed and rested my head on my hand, "There'll be a lot of work to rebuild the pack and help the families who lost soldiers.”

"Fortunately for us all, we have the best Alpha, Luna duo the world has ever seen to do that," he said, "We'll get back on our feet soon. Don't worry, Ells."

I blushed, "I'm gonna go and make some food to distract myself. Are you hungry?"

"I'll just finish this chapter and then I'll be down..." he said already fixating his eyes on the page once again, "Hold on..."

So I got up alone, wandered along the dark hall to the stairs and then down to the dark kitchen. The house was deathly quiet. With every step, the floorboards groaned and the clock on the wall in the kitchen ticked intensely against the silence.

It was the stark contrast to the usual noise in the house that you can hardly hear yourself think over.

As I opened the fridge, the quiet shattered with the ringing of the doorbell.

I looked at my watch. It was the crack of dawn. Hardly a time to pop round with good news.

My thoughts immediately went to Luca and how we'd be one of the first to be told if something awful had happened.

Panic already setting in, I rushed into the hall and tried to peer out the window to make out any shadows but there was nothing. The only thing suggesting I hadn't imagined it was Max appearing at the top of the stairs.

"Do not open it," he ordered, "I'll get my gun just to be sure.”

He had a point. The war was over but some stragglers of Andrea's army could still be about. My dumbass was too concerned about Luca to even think about that.

But the knocker hadn't bashed through the door and hurled any threatening words. Maybe it was a Doctor? Or a pack member seeking refuge?

I crept closer, eager to get a better look out the window.

Nothing was unusual except a trail of wet, sticky red across the porch and then the sound of heavy breaths and groans of one man on the other side of the door. Whoever it was was in a great deal of pain so I didn't hesitate to grab the key off the top of the door frame and open it.

What I saw was nothing short of a shock.

I took a quick step back and reached for the door to slam it straight back shut.

But a blood-smothered hand slammed onto the door. The action seemed to sap all the remaining energy out of the owner and he sunk to his knees, wiping red down the wood of the door.

"I'm sorry,” he whispered. "I didn’t know where else to go."

He then lifted the other hand from his stomach to reveal a deep wound "Please," he added as I just continued to stare down at him, completely dumbstruck.

Never did I think Luciano would come begging for my help.

I will admit, it brought me some pleasure to seem him so weak and helpless. There was no sly smile on his lips and even that evil glint in his eye had diminished. In its place was the expression of desperation. "You can't be here," I said at long last.

"You have every right to be hesitant,” he replied, his voice getting hoarser. "But I won't hurt you. I can't hurt you. I'm dying."

I looked around at the forest. It was still and empty. I then looked back down to him. At his paled lips and ghostly complexion.

I bit my lip before crushing all my doubts and leaning down to put his arm over my shoulder and begin dragging him to his feet.

"Max is here," I said shortly. "He may not be so accommodating.” Luciano made no reply but a deep groan as he rose from his knees. Before I could even get him over the threshold, Max appeared in the hallway, gun in hand.

"Luciano?" He said, in an angry but deeply confused tone.

"He's injured," I said as I strained under his weight.

"Then leave him to die,” Max hissed. "He doesn't deserve anyone's kindness, especially not yours.”

"Max, please,” I replied.

"Injured or not, family or not, he's caused you nothing but pain. Why would you even consider helping him?"

"Because evil or not he's still a person and I can't just let him die," I replied.

Luciano looked briefly up to Max, with a weary, pleading expression before I felt his knees buckle and suddenly I had all his weight on me. I couldn't take it and began stumbling as Luciano dropped to the floor. But before he impacted, undoubtedly hitting his head in the process, Max stepped forward and caught him.

"Are we really doing this?" He asked me, pausing as he held Luciano up. "Yes," I replied firmly.

He nodded and pulled Luciano so that one arm was over his shoulder and he could be hauled into the kitchen. He was huge, taller than Max by about half a foot and judging by the amount of muscle, probably heavier too. Although not elegantly, Max succeeded in moving him. His head lolled, the blood practically poured and his feet just dragged along the floor suggesting he was unconscious. But his groans and murmurs suggested otherwise.

I cleared the kitchen table of various toys and kids" stationery that had been left in the flurry of evacuation before Max lifted him up and lay him down on his back.

"Was it a bullet or a knife or-" I asked.

"Your mate's claws,” he replied breathlessly.

As I lifted his shirt, I only confirmed what he had said. There were three long gashes from just below his armpit on one side right down to his hip on the other. They were too deep, wide-spread and long to come from anything other than an Alpha

"He was trying to kill you, I presume?” Max asked.

Luciano nodded.

Max sighed. I knew what he was thinking. Leo had clearly wanted him dead and interfering with it was interfering with the Alpha. He wasn't dead yet but he certainly would bleed out within the next hour if we just left him.

"Who did this doesn't change anything,” I said ripping Luciano's shirt out of the wound. "We are helping you and that is final.”

Although I addressed this to Luciano, it was entirely aimed at Max. "Max, will you get me some towels, a basin of water and salt and the medicine kit," I added.

He followed my command after only a short hesitation and soon I had a whole stack of towels and the box filled with all the first aid supplies.

I couldn't take him to the hospital, although they would have been able to do a lot more, because unfortunately, Leo's people unsurprisingly have loyalty to him and news of Luciano's appearance would get back to him and Luciano's chance of survival would have been higher bleeding on the forest floor.

So he'd have to do with me. I'd practised a lot the dying men Andrea used to drag back to the house in Venezuela so he wasn't completely without hope.

The first thing I did was layer two towels down on his chest and instruct Max to hold them down, applying as much pressure as possible. Whilst he did that, I prepared my sterilised needle and medical thread. Luciano had lost consciousness long before even the appearance of the needle so there was no bother worrying about his pain, not that I had much sympathy anyway.

After a few minutes, Max removed the towels and I got straight to work. There was blood everywhere. On our hands, on our clothes, all over the kitchen floor. Every few stitches, I had to wash away some of it with the salty water so that I could see what I was doing but as I worked my way along the widest of the three slashes, it began to stop oozing. Once that one was sealed, I did the other two.

Eventually, all the bleeding had stopped. The kitchen looked like a crime scene and Luciano was white as paper but his heart still beat and his lungs still breathed. All that I could do now was wipe him with antiseptic and wait.

I doused his wounds in an excessive amount of undiluted disinfectant. The concentration of it must have been intense because as it seeped into the stitching, it was enough to cause him to stir.

He winced and then suddenly his hand was around my wrist.

Max shot to his feet and pointed his gun at Luciano's head.

"You're supposed to be dead," he whispered, ignoring the gun and looking straight at me.

"So are you," I hissed, "Seven years ago and six times over."

He gave a weak smile and the slightest laugh which was more just an exhale of air, "Yet you saved me."

I yanked my wrist out of his hand and glared down at him.

He opened his mouth to speak again before he just simply dropped out of consciousness again

I looked up at Max and sunk into the kitchen chair.

"Leo is going to be furious,” I said.

Max nodded, "Yep. And he'll probably kill him and your efforts will be in vain."

I shook my head, “Leo can't seem to bring himself to end him either. He wants to but he just can't. There's something about him."

Max raised an eyebrow, "Something diabolical.”

"Yes, but how many times has Leo left him to die and never actually done it?" I asked.

"Ella," Max said taking my hands, "Luciano is the lowest piece of shit to ever walk the earth..maybe Martinez was his one rival for that title. And he is never going to change. He is not right in the head and that will never be fixed. Got it?"

I nodded.

"Good," he said, "Then we both agree. That man needs to die."

Just then, there were footsteps coming down the drive.

"That's Leo," I whispered recognising the distinct rhythm and weight of his stride.

I tried my best to wipe my hands on my bloody shirt before going to the door. It would probably be best if I could try and explain before he saw Luciano unconscious on the kitchen table.

I opened it a few seconds before he would have done and put on a big smile.

"You're home," I said.

I completely forgot the state of my clothes and went forward to hug him.

He looked down at me, a concerned look in his eye before grabbing my shoulders and stopping me from coming closer.

"And you're covered in blood," he said, shaking me. "Why? Are you hurt? Are the kids hurt? Max?"

"No, no, no," I replied quickly. "It's just-"

Before I could continue, he had smelt the air and obviously detected Luciano's scent.

He marched straight past me into the kitchen and of course, met the gruesome scene.

Max stood awkwardly by Luciano, a cloth dripping with blood in one hand and Luciano's ripped shirt in the other.

Before he said anything, Leo just let out a deep growl. But then his anger was overcome by confusion.

"Anyone going to explain what the fuck is going on or...?" he asked, snapping his glare from Max to me.

"He came here badly injured," I said. "I couldn't let him die on our doorstep.”

"You helped Luciano Megestanis?" He asked.

"Wild huh?" Was my only response.

Wrong response.

Leo grabbed my arm and pulled me into him.

"Why would you even let him in the house? Where our children are all sleeping? How did you know you could trust him?"

"He was on unarmed on death's door. He couldn't have hurt anyone,” I replied, defensively.

"Are you forgetting that this he is the slyest, lying, deceiving sneak to ever live?" He asked only pulling me closer.

"Well the gash you left across his chest was fairly convincing,” I snapped, shaking my arm out of his grip.

Leo let out a short breath, "He better hope he never wakes up.”

"And if he does?" I asked.

"We'll kill him," Max said, "Right, Alpha?"

Leo swallowed and nodded, "Yes."

I watched as Leo slunk down in a chair next to where Luciano lay. He stared at him for a few seconds before resting his chin on his hand. "Why didn't you make sure he was dead in the first place?" I questioned, "Save us the trouble?"

"The moment I did this was the same moment I learnt Martinez knew where the vault is," he snapped, "I was more concerned about you and the kids than bringing my self to finally kill someone who used to be a best friend to me. I hate him wholeheartedly and I know his evil has to be stopped. And he will be killed... but I can't just do it like it means nothing, okay?"

I sighed and stepped behind Leo, resting my hands on his shoulders. He seemed to release a deep breath as he rested his hand on top of mine.

"I understand," I said, kissing his cheek.

"Max, would you take him to the pack prison? Make sure he's chained and guarded at all times," Leo said, "Ella and I will clean up this mess. Hopefully, before the kids wake up.”

Max nodded and heaved Luciano off the table. Leo had to help him carry the huge mass of unconscious man to his car before he drove off, leaving us to scrub, mop, wipe and disinfect the entire kitchen.

"Are you okay, Leo?" I asked as he rinsed out the cloth for the final time after wiping up the last smear of Luciano's blood.

He'd been quiet for a while and seemed so exhausted and down.

"I saw hundreds of good men die last night,” he said, "Luca is in the ICU and now all of this with Luciano. I know I should be happy that Martinez is finally dead but..."

"But that doesn't mean you can't feel all the grief, loss and anxiety too, Leo," I said, "You may be an Alpha but you shouldn't feel guilty for your human half having feelings.”

He rested his hands on my hips and took yet another deep breath, "I've learnt a lot about feelings recently,” he said, "Sometimes I wish I was 100% wolf. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather not have feelings. But then I remember how important it is to feel guilt...and remorse...because without it you don't take responsibility for your actions and make it your mission to learn from them.”

I gave a half-smile, "You're referring to what happened with Connor?" Since the day Leo killed Connor months ago, we hadn't talked much about it. It was too painful and with so much else going on, I couldn't take it.

I took a sharp breath in and clasped my hands together.

"We have to talk about this at some point,” he said, "We can't just pretend it never happened.”

"We agreed to go back to normal,” I replied, "Before Andrea reappeared, we had gone back to normal.”

He shook his head, "No we hadn't,” he said, "Nothing was normal. Not whilst Andrea Martinez was still roaming around. But now he is dead and everything is over, we have the chance to go back to our lives. But we can't with this massive elephant in the room. If we just carry on like this it will always just loom over us, casting a shadow on our happiness...so please...l know it's been a long night but tell me how you feel.”

Forgiveness: the act of releasing resentment and anger towards someone who has wronged you.

Leo certainly wronged me by taking Connor from me. His reasons to protect me and his people may have been valid but that didn't mean I didn't feel an intense amount of resentment and anger towards him. But the longer I held onto those negative feelings, the longer they held me back from healing.

I missed Connor dearly and I always will. And some part of me still denied that he was gone because with everything that had been going on, I'd been able to distract myself and avoid accepting the painful truth.

But Leo was right. This was our chance.

My chance to make peace with the pain he caused me, let it go and be happy again with the man I love.

And I was so ready. So very ready.

"I forgive you, Leo," I said, "There'll be no shadow on our happiness. Nothing is going to stop us from living out the rest of our lives together peacefully and joyfully. After everything, we deserve it. And I deserve to let myself heal.”

He smiled and wrapped his arms gently around me, guiding my head to his chest.

"I love you so much, Ella Jones," he said, "We won't ever forget Connor or what I did. But it's healing and happiness from now on. For both you and the pack.”

I nodded and stood on my tiptoes to reach his lips, "I love you too," I whispered before I kissed him, placing my hand behind his neck and pulling him close to me

Just then, Leo's phone buzzed.

“It's Blair," he said, "Oh thank the Goddesses," he said as a relieved smile came onto his face, "Luca's woken up and triggered the healing process. He's going to be fine."

I let out a deep sigh as I looked up and thanked whoever was up there. "That little shit has caused me a lot of hassle through the years but I love him," Leo continued, "We'll go and visit him later, yes?"

I nodded before a wide smile crept onto my face and I cupped his cheeks in my hands and kissed him again, this time for longer and deeper.

Just as he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer to his chest, a small voice came from the hallway.

"Eww, Mama and Papa are kissing!" Cato exclaimed just as Silas appeared next to him.

"That's so gross,” Silas said, wrinkling his little nose.

Leo and I laughed before our sons ran towards us and jumped into our arms.

"You're both home,” Cato said, hugging Leo, "And Daddy smells sweaty but I'm glad he's okay," he added looking to me, "You smell quite sweaty too actually.”

I rolled my eyes and tickled his tummy.

"I think we all need a bath after last night,” I said, "Even you, you little rascal.”

He giggled and squirmed until I gave him mercy from my tickles to hug Silas tighter.

"And then once you're all clean and you've had something to eat, I need to talk to you in my office, Cato," Leo said, still holding his eldest son, "You're growing up and we need to talk about what happened last night. I can tell you have a lot of questions.”

Cato nodded, "It's our office now, Dad," he said.

Leo smiled, "Fine. In our office."