Finding Forgiveness

"You fucking shot him in the foot," I said about half an hour later. "He's not gonna be able to walk for months.”

"They weren't taking us seriously,” Luca replied.

"How do you even know how to use a gun?" I asked.

"I've been doing this a long time, Ells,” he told me.

"Couldn't you have shot Guillermo?” I asked. "He was clearly the leader.”

"You don't fuck around with Guillermo unless you want death.”

"Says the one that held him in a headlock with a gun to his head," I muttered.

"That's justifiable. He had you.”

"So now what?" I asked looking out into the empty desert.

"We go to Miami. Drop of the shipment and then I'll take you to the airport,” he said.

"Are you not coming with me?" I asked.

"I have to go back to Mexico," he told me.

"Why? It's dangerous,” I said.

"We pissed Guillermo off and he’s not just gonna let it go," he explained. " I can't go back to him after this unless I can get approval from the boss."

"Luca-" I began disheartened that he wasn't going to come with me to Paris.

"I'm sorry Els but duty calls. I've got to do this for the pack and then I promise I'll meet you in Paris.”

"Why can't I come with you?" I asked.

"Because if you thought Guillermo was bad, you do not want to meet the boss," he said. "And I can't risk your life again.”

"Luca-" I began again.

"It is not up for discussion. You're getting on a plane to Paris. And I'm going to deal with this shit," he said in a deeper tone to usual.

I leant back on my seat before pausing for a moment.

"It's my life Luca. I will decide whether I want to risk it or not," I said. "This sounds incredibly dangerous. But I could do with an adventure.” "No, you need to go somewhere peaceful and grieve Connor.”

"I'm starting to think that quiet and reflection is not what I need," I replied. "Time away from Leo? Yes. Time to be depressed and watch over and over the images in my mind? No."

Luca sighed, "I forgot for a moment that you can't be told what to do.” I gave him a sweet smile and he sighed defeatedly.

I looked down at my hands which I could just about see from a combination of the glow from stars and the moon and lights of the dashboard.

"You know he left me a letter. Connor. Just in case he died. I found it in his room when I went to get his things and in it, he told me not to be sad for too long and to live my life. This is honouring his wishes. He also told me to forgive Leo. I can't do that just yet but I will one day,” I said twiddling my thumbs.

"Hold on. He died fighting against your mate and trying to kill him but his dying wish was for you to forgive him?" Luca questioned looking away from the road a second to give me an eyebrow raised look.

"He just wants me to be happy. He denied it but he knew that however bad of a man Leo can be, he is still my mate and I can't help loving him and I can't be happy without him."

"So if he succeeded in killing him, he knew that he'd be sentencing his own sister to a lifetime of misery?"

"That's what I don't understand,” I replied with a sigh as I looked at the window into the dry desert. “I don't get how he could have even considered doing that to me. Maybe he was considering all the others that Leo has hurt and all the others Leo will hurt but it still doesn't add up. He saw Leo as the evil, ruthless, murderous, merciless monster that tried to kill our father and ruined our childhood but never the good side. Not the side that is father to his eight nieces and nephews. Not the man that does everything he can to help and protect the people in his pack- including me. Not even as the man that no longer invade other packs and takes their people and lands but sends relief and aid when another pack has attacked them. Maybe he killed Connor out of fury but maybe it was because he was willing to give up the stability of our relationship to protect his pack from Connor's threat. Because Connor wasn't innocent in this. I love my brother but what he was doing was wrong and was going to harm a lot of people.”

There was a brief moment of quiet with just the sound of the engine and the wheels rolling on the road before Luca sighed.

"You aren't going to like this but it sounds to me like you need to talk to your mate.”

"No, no, no. Not yet," I replied quickly.

"I should take you home. This is too dangerous anyway and you need to talk this out with Leo," he said. "As Gamma of the pack, I shouldn't be taken the Luna to get involved with such a life-threatening thing." "No, no, no. Don't you dare turn the car around,” I said as he began to slow. “Luca no. I want to do this and I know how to survive. I'm like a cockroach!"

"You're a cockroach and this is cockroach poison. I'm sorry, Els. I should never have got you involved in this."

"Leo let me go. You have no obligation to take me home!"

"I have an obligation to do what is best for the pack.”

"Then go find the boss!"

"l will once I know that you are safe.”

Luca's face was rarely as stern as it was then and it unsettled me. His tone too was harsher and he held the steering wheel firmly, not showing any sign of changing his mind.

"Please, don't make me go back to him yet. He killed my brother. My fucking brother! I loved him and he killed him. He wasn't innocent but he was my brother!” I shouted. "Luca, please.”

"Then I'll take you to the airport and put you on a plane to Paris," he replied.

"I'm not going to Paris."

"Fine, Berlin, Barcelona, Rome, London. I don't care just somewhere away from this.”

"Nowhere is safe for me. Especially not in Italy or anywhere in Europe even because of the fact that I am at the top of the Mafia’s wanted list." I said. "And no. I'm staying here. With you. I'll keep you company and you can keep me company. The last thing I want is to be alone.”

"No. The last thing you want is to be dead," he replied. "This business isn't safe. Especially for a woman. These aren't good men-"

"I can protect myself, Luca,” I said. "Guillermo was shaking.” "Guillermo is an angel compared to the boss," Luca replied. "I'm not taking you and that is final. I don't want a dead or harmed Luna to present to my Alpha who just so happens to be Leonardo fucking Loren. We'll both end up dead. Oh yeh and you're also my best friend and I love you more than I love cheese on toast and can't bear the thought of anything happening to you."

"I thought you were more fun than this,” I said shaking my head. "Max would let me-"

"Then maybe you should call Max," he snapped.

By this point, the car was at a complete standstill.

“Luca please-"

He shook his head and turned to me, "No."

"You can't say no to me, I'm your Luna. You only have authority over me if you're following the Alphas orders," I pointed out.

"Do you want me to call the Alpha and ask him if he wants me to take his Luna to a violent gang of criminals?" Luca asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I know what the answer will be!"

"You need to calm down, untwist your panties and think rational thoughts," I began.

He scowled at me.

"I have survived the Italian mafia, a self-proclaimed king and his little army of people that hate me, a snowstorm on the side of a mountain in Russia, Luciano and hundreds of others trying to kill me. I am tough and incredibly good at persuading and talking. Frankly, I am offended that you aren't considering me as a valuable attribute to this task.”

He looked at me and sighed.

"You're tempted, I can tell,” I said. "You know I'd help AND keep you company?"

He sighed again, mumbled something under his breath along the lines of 'l can't believe I'm fucking doing this’ and then started the car again. "Leo is going to fucking kill me for dragging you into this,” he said as I let out a victorious squeal. "You aren't even supposed to know."

"Love ya, Luca," I said pressing my head against his shoulder as he drove. "Or should I say Romano. And I can deal with Leonardo Loren.” "Not if you're dead you can't.”

"Don't be so pessimistic.”