novelxo Chapter CHAPTER 36
ALPHA ROBIN'S POV
As I walked back to my quarters I realised that I had left my previous breakup to completely affect me. I thought that I had my emotions under control but that was not the case. I couldn't quite explain why I was getting cold towards her, a couple of minutes after we made love.
I didn't want to make her feel this way. As a matter of fact, I wanted her to always feel loved. I didn't want her to ever doubt that I care yet that is what I made her go through.
I will have to look into it and find a way to separate her from the rest. Now that we have decided to date, she is supposed to only get the sweet side of me.
I got back to my quarters and poured myself a glass of whiskey, damn, it was long overdue. I needed something to calm down my racing thoughts.
Hardly was I done drinking when I heard a knock on the door.
Who could that be?
66 Beta? Why are you here?" I asked him when I found him waiting by the door.
"You did not come to the office yet there is this document that you needed to sign," He said handing me the document.
I was tired, I just took the document and signed without having to go through it. This was really unlike me and it caught him by surprise.
"What is going on?" He had to ask.
"Nothing, why?" I pretended to be clueless.
"You don't seem fine," He noted.
"Where were you earlier on by the way? I came looking for you but I was not able to find you," he added.
"From what you are saying, one thing is clear and that is you are spying on me. Or am I wrong?" I asked. I was not ready to talk to him about my love life. He was against Anita from the very beginning and I didn't care about his input or opinion.
"You know that's not true. I am asking you all this because I truly care about you," He said but I found it hard to believe.
"You should go," I instructed and thank goodness he left. I was not in the mood to have a back and forth with him and I was glad that he didn't insist on that either.
I gulped down the remaining contents of whiskey before sitting on the sofa. Something was totally off. All the excitement that I felt when we made love, which is by the way the best I have ever done had suddenly disappeared.
I was not my usual happy focused self. I had this surge of anger and being on edge and I couldn't clearly explain where it was coming from.
Was this my instincts warning me about her, something is totally off and I didn't know what to make of it.
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"Harry," I called him because I needed him.
"What's going on?" He asked. I could tell that he was irritated. He was tired from running earlier on and he needed to rest.
"Are you sure about Anita? Why am I feeling that making love to her was the biggest mistake of my life?" I asked him.
"I thought that we were done talking about her. Honestly, I am not going to help you make any kind of decision in the future. You know where you stand with her. Act on it," He said before going back to sleep.
I had tried calling him over and over again but he ended up ignoring me.
It didn't take me long to realise that Anita was the problem, I was the problem. I guess Harry knew this, he didn't want to tell me because he knew that I would not agree with him, I had to find this out about myself on my own.
I struggled with being in love because of my scarred past. I had loved deeply before and it didn't end up well for me, that is what is bothering me about loving Anita deeply. A part of me wants to disappear from her and be cold towards her but I cannot do it. I know how much she is in love with me, my actions are really going to hurt her for sure.
Plus, am I really ready to lose her? I am in love with her, losing her will hurt me. I just had to figure out a way of putting my past behind me and love her deeply. She trusted me with her heart and I will not be happy to break it. She needs to feel loved by me.
I was going to do all it takes to give her the love that she desires.
**
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ANITA'S POV
I was about to fall asleep when I heard someone knock on my door. I knew who it was. I tried ignoring him but he didn't stop knocking.
I had to go get the door for my own peace and sanity.
"Hi Ben," I said as I allowed him into my place.
"Hi, where were you? I came looking for you earlier but I wasn't able to find you," He said.
I wanted to tell him that I was with the Alpha, he made love to me and this is the best day of my life but I could not do it. For some reason, I wanted to keep it private.In my mind, I was thinking, no one can hurt what they don't know.Until I feel comfortable to let this out, then is when I will tell him about my love story with the Alpha.
"I don't know what you are talking about because I was here all along," I lied.
I could see it in his eyes, he knew that I was lying but he chose not to follow up on that.
"Okay," He mumbled.
"Tell me about Lola and Beta," I found myself asking. I had initially thought that I didn't care about Lola and what she was up to until this moment.
I was obsessed with her, just because she had a past with the Alpha, someone that I love to death.