Chapter 139
Chapter 139
“Good night, Fay,” he calls as I stomp up the stairs towards my
room. “See you at breakfast.”
I don’t look back. Instead, I storm through my bedroom door and
slam it shut behind me, hurling myself onto my bed. There, I hide
my head in my pillow and burst into furious tears.
I stay alone in my room for hours after I finish crying. Vacillating
between feeling absolutely horrible and then feeling absolutely
nothing at all, I stare at my ceiling for hours.
I had thought I was in charge with Kent. That I could rile him, and
use his…his attraction to me for my benefit. But today, everything
had proved to me that I was again out of my depth. I had thought
Ivan liked me, but he was just doing it for show. I thought I had
been in control of things with Kent but –
God damn it, tonight he played me like a puppet. First raising me to anger, and then kissing me, making me kiss him back, lose control like some lovesick girl while he humiliated me.
God, I really am his puppet. Ivan’s puppet. Even Daniel’s
sometimes. It is so mortifying, realizing how easily I play into all of
their games.
I stare at the ceiling, watching the light of day fade into the
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shadows of night, trying to come up with a plan, with some way to get what I want out of this stupid game.
But at the end of it all?
The fact is that I don’t even know what I want. Or how to play. Everyone is playing chess and I’m not even playing checkers. I feel so…stupid. And alone. I pull my pillow over my head, groaning,
missing my sister, my dad, my old life.
God, what I wouldn’t give to go back to it all.
The thing that finally breaks me out of my stupor is my stomach, which gives a mighty growl at some point in the evening when I’ve been laying in the dark for what must be a few hours. I sit up, looking down at my complaining stomach, and feel a headache pulse at the back of my head.
I groan, and put a hand there, wondering if it was Kent pressing me up against the door or Ivan feeding me tequila all day that’s responsible for this. Either way, I want water, and sustenance.
Now.
When I peek out of my bedroom door, the house is quiet, which pleases me. I want to see no one – absolutely no one – this evening. Waiting a moment to check that the house is quiet, I then sneak out into the hall, pulling my door softly shut behind me. I glance at a clock down the hall, surprised to see that it’s much later than I thought – around one in the morning.
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I am pleased when I encounter no one in the kitchen. I quickly pour myself a glass of milk and grab an entire box of cookies from the cabinet. Not healthy, I know, but tonight I need food for the
soul as much as the body, and chocolate and sugar sound about right.
B
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