Every Last Word

Last night, I took the sleep meds that knock me out for eight solid hours, and set my alarm to wake me up fifteen minutes earlier than usual. This morning, I showered quickly and rushed through breakfast with Mom and Paige, all so I could get to school early and talk to Caroline before first bell. I can’t wait to tell her about my non-date tonight with my friend-and-nothing-more AJ.

I’m ten minutes ahead of schedule, buckling my seatbelt and about to pull out of the driveway, when I get an all-caps text from Kaitlyn, telling me she hates Hailey. I let out an annoyed sigh as I put the car back in park. I should have known the drama-free state of existence wouldn’t last long.

I’m replying when I get a text from Hailey, telling me that Kaitlyn is going to kill her. The text contains a link and I click it. It leads me to a photo of the eight of us, taken in Sarah’s backyard the summer before third grade. We’re all in our swimsuits, but Kaitlyn is wearing her bottoms and nothing else. It already has more than thirty likes.

I separately tell them both I’m on my way.

By the time I arrive at Hailey’s locker, Kaitlyn and Alexis are already there, screaming at her about practicing proper judgment and considering the feelings of others. My palms feel sweaty as I near the scene, and a horrible chill travels up my spine when I get close enough to hear Hailey’s voice crack as she tries to defend herself without breaking down into tears. I get it. I’ve been in her position before, too many times to count.

Without even thinking about what I’m doing, I step in front of Hailey and push Kaitlyn away, holding her at arm’s length. “Calm down, you guys.”

“Do you even know what she did?” Kaitlyn yells at me. Then she returns her attention to Hailey. “What were you thinking?” she screams over my shoulder.

“I thought it was funny. I thought you’d think it was funny.” Hailey’s voice is low and unsteady. “I’m sorry. I took the picture down.”

“After it got more than fifty likes!” Alexis says, jumping in to support Kaitlyn like she always does.

“You looked pretty,” Hailey tries, but that makes Kaitlyn even more infuriated.

“No one’s looking at my face, Hailey!”

“Oh, come on. We were little kids.”

“Kaitlyn.” We make eye contact and I don’t let her go. It feels weird. I don’t think I’ve ever looked her in the eye with such conviction before. “You have every right to be angry, but you have to calm down, okay? Let’s talk about this at lunch.”

“No, Samantha!” she yells in my face. “We’ll talk about it now.”

“No, Kaitlyn. We won’t.” I don’t even blink.

I grab Hailey’s hand and pull her away before either one of them has a chance to respond, and steer her around the corner, down the hallway, and over to the bathroom in the next building. Hopefully they won’t think to look for us there. Once we’re inside, Hailey slams her hand against the bathroom door as tears start streaming down her face.

“You know what sucks?” Hailey yells. “She would have done that to me. Or to you. And if we got upset or embarrassed she would have called us ‘oversensitive’ and told us ‘not take everything so personally.’” She mimics Kaitlyn’s voice on that last part and nails it.

Black streaks of mascara slide down Hailey’s bright red cheeks, and I grab a paper towel from the dispenser and run it under the cold water. I hand her the towel. “Still. You had to know Kaitlyn would be upset. That was kind of messed up.”

She takes the towel from me and sets it straight on the counter. She hugs me hard.

“It was. I don’t know why I did it, Samantha,” she says, but I’m pretty sure I do. Whether it’s conscious or not, I’m guessing it has something to do with being on the bottom rung. “Thanks for stepping in. I didn’t expect you to do that.”

My chest tightens. Hailey should expect her friend to step in and defend her. Is this the first time I have?

I hug her back and tell her it’ll be okay, because it always is. “They’ll punish you for a couple of days, but then they’ll find something else to move on to.”

“You think?”

“I’m positive. By this time next week, we’ll all be referring to it as ‘Itty-bitty-titty-gate’ and laughing our asses off.” That makes Hailey crack up. She hugs me even harder.

There’s still time to chat with Caroline, so I grab the wet paper towel off the counter and press it into Hailey’s hands. “I have to run. Clean up and go to class, okay? Try not to think about it.” They’re empty words. Of course she’ll think about it. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Will you?” she asks.

“Will I what?”

“Be there at lunch?” She stares at me. “You’ve missed a lot of them lately.”

“Have I?” Hailey raises her eyebrows like she’s wondering how I could ask such a ridiculous question.

Over the last few weeks, two missing lunches turned into three and sometimes four. If I’m not in Poet’s Corner, I’m hiding in the first row of the theater, writing with Caroline.

“Déjà vu,” she says as she starts wiping her makeup off.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s Sarah all over again. She disappeared a little bit at a time, remember? Gone a few days here. Then a few days there. And then she was gone for good.”

“Hailey—”

She doesn’t let me finish. “Sam. I don’t want you to disappear, too. If you were gone, I don’t…” She wrings the paper towel in her hands.

“I’ll be there today. I promise.” Of course I’ll be there today. It’s Wednesday. But if it were Monday or Thursday, I’d skip Poet’s Corner to be sure Hailey was okay. “I’ll see you at lunch,” I repeat.

I race to my locker and take my time gathering my books, hanging back as long as I can. But Caroline never shows up.