Elf Against the Wall: A Holiday Romantic Comedy (The Wynter Brothers Book 2)

“Thanks for staying through the dinner rush.”

“Tell Cade he owes me,” I called, turning to walk backward so I could yell at my coworkers. “I hate the late shift.”

“Hey, it’s a good shift when you didn’t kill anyone!” Dav, one of the cooks, said cheerfully, slapping me on the shoulder.

As much as I despised the country club and everything it represented, there was something easy, something normal about the camaraderie of getting off a long shift. Just you and your coworkers after the place had closed down in the early hours of the morning, the night crew coming in to clean and get the place ready for the early-bird club members at seven a.m.

Much better than breaking into people’s houses, stealing their data, and hanging a knife over their heads, just waiting for the insurance company to cut the string.

“You working tomorrow?” Dav asked.

“Day after.”

“Ah, I see. You have to make it up to your girl for staying late. Don’t worry!” The cook raised his voice. “Anderson’s just been balls deep in mop water tonight!”

“What?”

“She’s cute.” Dav punched my arm. “Crazy. Unhinged. Probably going to end up with you walking naked along a highway. But cute.”

“Goddammit.”

Evie, wearing the most ridiculous over-the-top gingerbread-girl costume, stood in the middle of empty foyer of the country club. She jumped up and down when she noticed me looking. In the low-cut bodice, the effect was, well… I did not like the appreciative looks from the rest of the guys.

Evie didn’t seem to mind. She held up a basket. “I thought you boys might be hungry.”

My coworkers immediately flocked to the basket, which had what smelled like grilled cheese sandwiches, homemade chips, and cookies.

“Merry Christmas!” She handed the basket to Dav. “Pumpkin Muffin!” she squealed, clapping her hands together then practically jumping into my arms. “Surprise! Are you surprised to see me?”

“What the hell are you doing?” I grabbed her by the apron strings of her costume.

“Mutually assured destruction, asshole,” she whispered into my ear. Her soft, round tits pressed up against my white dress shirt.

I tried to untangle her from my arms, but she was back on me.

I finally slapped her hand away when it reached for my belt buckle.

“My little Pumpkin Muffin is shy,” she said to Dav, who was standing next to Talbot, who was munching his grilled cheese around a shit-eating grin.

“I never knew that about you, Anderson.” My brother’s grin widened.

“Don’t you mean little Pumpkin Muffin?” He and Dav collapsed with laughter.

“He pretends to be a big bad military man, but he asked me to give him a cute pet name.” Evie made an exaggerated kissy face then slapped me right on the crotch.

I strangled a curse.

Talbot was dying laughing. I knew as soon as this shit show was over, he was going straight to the rest of my siblings to give them the full humiliating play-by-play.

“Can I have the last one?” a line cook asked, looking into the basket.

“Oh yes! I have a different kind of dinner planned for Anderson. It’s pussy,” Evie stage whispered.

“What the fuck?” I grabbed her and dragged her out to the parking lot to the roars of laughter from my brother and coworkers. “We had a deal. We shook on it. This? This wasn’t part of the deal.” I climbed onto my bike.

“Neither was the fake anal sex or the strip tease at my mom’s holiday party.” She clawed at my jacket as I revved the engine

“Don’t ever show up here again.” I shoved her off, and she landed in a snowdrift, sputtering and cursing behind me as the bike roared off.

“Motherfucker!” Jake yelped as I sent the puck flying toward his face.

“He’s still mad about earlier.”

“I thought you weren’t actually sleeping with her.” Hudson sent the puck flying back to me.

“I am not.”

Is it crazy to play hockey in the early, dark morning?

Who do you think you’re talking to?

Besides, in hockey-obsessed Maplewood Falls, this was the only time the outdoor rink was free.

We weren’t the only ones out either. A bunch of loud college guys played on the half rink next to ours, a happy-looking German shepherd enjoying the cold next to their bags.

The beer and the ice and the workout had done nothing to dent the aggravation and frustration around Evie.

“Who the fuck does she think she is, showing up in that outfit at my job?”

“I’m not complaining.” Talbot laughed as I dodged around Lawrence with the puck. “I should have taken a picture.”

I banked hard, crashing into him. We both went down heavily on the ice.

“Oof! Hudson,” Talbot wheezed, “help. He’s trying to kill me.”

I kicked my brother in the shin guards as I stood up.

“He’s just afraid you’re after his girlfriend.” A smirk twitched on my older brother’s mouth.

“I am not.” I skated around in an agitated circle. “And she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Then why is she here to be your puck bunny?” My youngest two brothers howled with laughter.

I made a disgusted noise as I looked over.

There in the bright floodlights Evie was, slip-sliding in her boots across the ice toward me, Snowball’s tiny legs working overtime to keep pace.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I roared.

“I thought that’s what we were doing. You know, showing up at other people’s family time uninvited, just taking off our shirts!” she shrieked.

“Take it off!” Talbot whooped then cursed as I swept my hockey stick out, swiping him off his feet to land face-first on the ice.

“You say one more fucking thing to her,” I snarled softly at my brother, “and I’m knocking your front teeth out.”

“Not his teefs!” Lawrence clapped a hand over his mouth.

Jaw clenched, molars about to crack, I skated over to Evie.

“So you’re just driving around, trying to find me?”

“For your information, I do not drive. I lost my license—ran one too many stop signs—and didn’t have the money to get it back.” She turned up her nose. “The bus doesn’t run that often at this time.”

“Yes, but why are you here?” I enunciated the words.

“Christmas miracle?”

“Duuude.” Lawrence drawled, “I bet there’s a tracker on your bike.”

“What? No. I don’t get trackers on my stuff.”

My brothers took off on their skates, me racing after them, Evie sliding after me.

They reached my bike before me, and the four of them checked it over, each trying to be the first.

“Found it!” Jake held up the Air Tag triumphantly. “It was glued under your wheel well.” He tossed the little metal tracker to me.

“You keep fucking up, Anderson,” Hudson warned me.

“Don’t give me that shit.”

“This little girl put a tracker on you.” Hudson pointed with his hockey stick as Evie puffed up, red-faced, legs a little wobbly.

“Damn right, and I’ll shove one up your dick!” Evie yelled, dancing around me. “You want to fight dirty and turn my whole family against me? I’m going to make your life as miserable as you made mine. I will haunt you for all your days, like Jacob Marley’s ghost.”

“Go ahead and trauma dump on me. Tell me about how your mom wronged you when you were a tween!” I shouted.

“My mom is not the problem. You’re the one who ruined my life.”

“I didn’t fuck up your life, Gingersnap. You’re homeless, you have a possessed little gremlin for a dog, no fucking money, and your whole family hated you long before I showed up.”

“She’s the cutest little gremlin ever,” Jake cooed, reaching for the dog.

“Be careful. She—”

“Fuck!” Jake yelled as Snowball took a chunk out of his protective gear.

The dog growled up at him from the snow while Evie and I screamed at each other in the middle of the cold dark.

“You see? You are the author of your own fucked-up life, and you’re here to ruin mine. Your dog tried to kill my brother.”

“Really? Did she really?” Evie hollered back. “Maybe she bit him because he looks like you.”

“I’m better looking and younger.” Jake rubbed his hand.

“Why are you acting like a lunatic?” I roared. “I said I was going to help you.”

“Too bad. You fuck with me, and I’m hitting the big red button. Mrs. Claus is coming to town, and she’s going to fuck your shit up!”

“We had a deal.”

“No deal!”

“No deal?” Hudson growled.

What was unsaid?

Wasn’t this part of your big plan?

And Does Aaron know about this?

“Look,” I said, mind spinning as I tried to salvage this because fuck it, I needed access to her family, needed the fast track, because otherwise, I was well and truly fucked.

“Why don’t we—”

“Snowball, no!” Evie screamed as the dog took off, racing toward the German shepherd.

“What the hell?” one of the other hockey players yelled drunkenly.

“Dammit, Snowball.” Evie ran after the dog. “Come back!”

“You gonna go get that?” Hudson looked at me pointedly.

I rubbed my jaw. “Just give it a moment.”

The German shepherd had taken off at a sprint around the periphery of the ice rinks. Snowball rounded the tight curve, making up the distance.

“Fantastic technique,” Jake remarked.

Evie was falling behind as she raced around the lake after Snowball. “Come back heeere!” Her voice was distant in the cold. “Snowbaaallll!”

The German shepherd had longer legs, but Snowball was fueled by pure, distilled hatred.

The little dog was a blur of white.

My brothers watched, awestruck, as the tiny Pomeranian closed the distance on the larger dog as they made the last round of the turn.

Evie had only made it halfway around the rinks.

I twirled the hockey stick as the dogs barreled toward us.

The German shepherd passed under Hudson’s legs right as Snowball was about to chomp her pointy little teeth in the poor dog’s tail. I scooped her up with the stick like a flyaway puck, tossing her high into the air. The dog did an aerial flip, then I caught her as she barked her head off at the retreating German shepherd.

I waited patiently for Evie to huff up.

Snowball vibrated in my arms, keeping a long, steady growl going while her head twitched between the panting German shepherd and a red-faced Evie.

Wheezing, hand clutched to her chest, Evie stumbled up to me and my brothers.

“Frickin’ hell, Snowball,” she gasped then coughed. Her fingers grabbed at the thin ribbon laced on her bodice, all that was keeping her tits from falling out. “Can’t breathe.”

Bet her nipples are hard as fuck in this weather.

“St. Nick’s balls, it’s hot out here.” Evie fanned herself, then hands on her hips, she leaned over to suck in deep breaths. In the loosened bodice, her tits almost fell out.

“Whoops!” She giggled then coughed, clutching at her chest.

“I’m not looking!” Talbot hollered, hands over his face. “Lawrence is, though. You should have heard him.”

“I did not! Ow!” Lawrence yelped as I brought the hockey stick down on his back. “Fuck.” He crashed to the snowy ground, the protective padding catching the brunt of the fall. “Why are you acting like that? I thought you’d never sleep with a Murphy. Hey!” He dodged my skate boot.

“Are you trying to be intimidating, Anderson?” Evie demanded as I tried not to notice the undone state of her clothes, the little straps holding up what was left of the bodice.

It was too much—I hadn’t had enough sleep, I owed Aaron too much money, and now Evie was doing a strip tease in the middle of what was supposed to be my mental health hockey time.

In the nearby parking lot, tires screeched. A car headed straight for us.

And I was going to die here.

“Fuck!” I threw myself in front of Evie as the car made a hard right turn, honking its horn.

“I can’t stop the car!” Granny Doyle yelled out the open window. “It’s cold, and the thingamajigger is stuck, and my knee can’t handle the gear shift. They don’t make knee replacements like they used to. You have to run for it, Evie!”

The car made another erratic circle in the parking lot as my brothers and I watched, stunned.

“Snowball, let’s go!” Evie yelled, taking off at a run toward the car.

“You have to time it!” Granny Doyle hollered. “Run, Evie! Your dad doesn’t know I stole the car. We’re on the clock.”

The Mercedes screeched on the asphalt as it made another turn to head back toward us.

“I can’t get the door open. You have to come through the window,” Granny Doyle called.

Snowball had no problem making the leap into the car. Evie sprinted then jumped, clinging clumsily to the open window as she scrabbled.

I winced, praying I didn’t watch her get sucked under the wheels.

“This is insanity.”

There was a flash of bright-red panties, and she was safe in the car.

Evie’s grandmother blared the horn and yelled a parting greeting.

“Take off your shiiirts! Woo!”

The Mercedes almost crashed into a newspaper delivery truck as it squealed out of the parking lot.

Hudson worked his jaw.

“So.” Lawrence rocked on his skates. “That’s your super-secret plan to keep Aaron Richmond from torching our livelihood and our skins?”

Hudson made a disgusted noise.

“Welp,” Jake said, “I’m going to go find a new job.”