Egomaniac

“You’re insane.”

“Because I think we should have sex? How does that make me insane?”

“We’re pretty much opposites. You believe a relationship is the period of time people spend together before one screws the other over.”

“So?”

“I believe in love and marriage and making things work.”

“I’m not talking about those things. I’m talking about sex. I know it’s been a while, but that’s when a man and a woman—”

I cut him off. “I know what sex is.”

“Good. Me too. So have it with me.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Do you feel safe with me?”

“Safe? Yes. I guess so. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”

“Are you physically attracted to me?”

“You clearly know you’re good looking.”

“And if we were both clear on what was going on, you wouldn’t feel like you were being taken advantage of.” Drew tilted his chair back. “I meet all of your criteria.” He winked. “Plus, I have a big bathtub. That’s a bonus. Come to think of it, maybe I should be vetting you better. I’m a catch.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity.

“See. Another bonus. I make you laugh.”

He wasn’t wrong there. Honestly, in the last two weeks, Drew Jagger had stirred a lot of things inside of me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I bit my lip. My stomach felt like a dryer with a half-empty load of laundry—bouncing around randomly as things heated up. I couldn’t believe I was even considering what he’d suggested.

“How long ago was the last time you were with a woman?”

“The day before I met you.”

“So only a few weeks ago. Were you dating her?”

“No. I met her while I was on vacation in Hawaii.”

“Did you get to know each other before having sex?” I had no idea why I was even asking the question.

Drew set his container down on the table. “She gave me a blowjob in the bathroom less than a half-hour after we met in the restaurant bar.”

I scrunched up my nose.

“Did you want me to lie to you?”

“I guess not. I think I’d have preferred that not to be your answer though.”

He nodded. “You wanted to believe there was romance and an exotic setting—that it was more than it was. It was just sex between two consenting adults. There doesn’t always have to be more to it.”

I finished my Chinese food and leaned back, folding my hands on top of my full stomach. “While it’s tempting…” I grinned. “…mostly because of that bathtub. I don’t think it’s a good idea. We spend too much time together for it to just be sex.”

Drew’s thumb rose to his mouth, and he rubbed his full bottom lip. “I could evict you.”

“Then I’d definitely want to have sex with you. Because nothing puts me in the mood like being tossed out on the street,” I teased.

Drew came around to my side of the desk and took my empty box and his to the garbage. I felt him come up behind me when he returned. Leaning down, his head over my shoulder, his breath tickled my neck when he spoke. “You change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Even though I didn’t really feel like being alone, a little while after we finished eating, I told Drew I needed to get home to do some work. His text earlier had said he had hours of work to do when he got back to the office, and I didn’t want to keep him from it. Plus, I needed some time to let the discussion we’d had tonight sink in. While the entire proposal was bizarre, I couldn’t honestly deny that the thought of having a sexual relationship with Drew was appealing.

While things returned to normal between Drew and me in the office over the next few days—and by normal I mean he ridiculed the advice he overheard me giving my patients, and I suggested he check up his ass for his missing ethics after the advice I heard him offer his clients—things between Baldwin and me remained strained. I’d heard him open and shut his door yesterday morning, and then there was a knock on my door, so I’d acted very mature and pretended I wasn’t home.

I had no idea why I was avoiding him when he really hadn’t done anything wrong. So the following day, when he knocked again, I took a deep breath and adulted.

“I’ve been worried about you,” he said.

“Have you? I didn’t mean to make you worry. I’ve just been busy with work.”

“That’s good, I guess. I’m glad everything is working out the way you planned with your move.”

Not everything. But whatever.

“Yes. I’m happy with the way my practice is developing.”

“Are you free for breakfast? I was hoping we could talk a bit. Catch up on everything else going on.”

I was, but I lied. Looking at my watch, I saw it was seven-thirty. “I actually have an eight-thirty counseling session, and I’m not finished getting ready.”

“Dinner?”

“My entire day is pretty packed.” I smiled weakly. “I’ll be working late to transfer my notes into the case files.”

Baldwin frowned. “Lunch. We can eat in your office, if you’d like.”

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Umm…sure.”

After he left, I thought better of having Baldwin at the office for lunch and texted him I’d meet him at a nearby restaurant. Not that I was concerned Drew would be upset or anything, but there was no telling what might come out of Drew’s mouth.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Today, I’d like to say ___________________ to you, and show you I mean it.

After adding the daily quote to my whiteboard, I added it to my website and then began reviewing my case files. I had back-to-back therapy sessions this afternoon, and I wanted to be prepared in case I was late returning from lunch. Baldwin texted earlier that he’d made reservations at Seventh Street Café, a cloth-napkin-type lunch restaurant that could take a while to prepare their elaborate dishes. They didn’t make burgers. They made Kobe beef burgers with fennel seeds cooked in free-range duck fat—something exotic-sounding to justify the twenty-five-dollar price tag.

Half an hour before lunch, I was surprised when Baldwin showed up at the office instead of meeting me at the restaurant as we’d planned.

“I thought we were meeting at Seventh Street Café?”

“I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d pick you up on the way.”

I told him to come into my office so I could grab my coat and power down my laptop. Drew had been on an all-morning conference call, and of course he finished up right at that moment. He walked into my office without knowing anyone was there.

“What are you in the mood for? I was thinking dirty-water dogs. Feel like taking a walk up to—” He stopped in place when he saw Baldwin. “Didn’t realize you had company.”

I caught the slight tick in his jaw. He definitely wasn’t fond of Baldwin.

Of course, Baldwin didn’t help the cause. He responded snidely, “Yes. We have a lunch date at a place where they don’t serve dirty food.”

Drew looked to me, and his eyes conveyed what he didn’t say out loud to Baldwin. Then he turned and went back to his office, offering only, “Enjoy your clean food,” over his shoulder as he walked away.

I’d almost made it out of the office when Baldwin stopped to read my daily quote.

He turned to me. “Your clients like this sort of thing?”

I was defensive. “Yes. I put the same daily quote up on my website where people connect and disconnect for video-counseling sessions. Leaving people with an inspirational quote and a suggestion for giving more to their relationship is a positive reinforcement to my sessions.”

“I guess that depends on what you’re suggesting.”

I was confused at what he didn’t like about it, because I’d actually gotten the idea for daily quotes from one of his TA sessions back in college. I couldn’t imagine why he seemed disturbed by my utilizing it.

As I walked out the door, I stopped to reread my quote.

Drew.

I was going to kill him.

He’d modified.

Again.

I’d written:

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Today, I’d like to say ___________________ to you, and show you I mean it.

He must have changed it while my door was closed. It now read:

It’s not what you do, it’s who you do it to.

Today, I’d like to do you. And I mean it.