Eclipse Child

Today

is the day

to stop pretending

that you are okay

with not

being okay.

Yesterday

could have been

the day

you lied your last

“I’m fine”

Tommorrow

could be the day

you actually

mean it.

If you do not

pull the weeds

in the garden,

the flowers

will never

grow.

~g.h.

Hard stone presses against my back as I lean into the wall. Letting my head fall to take in the fresh wounds upon my right hand.

I look up when the door is pushed open.

“Mom,” I murmur.

Her eyes widen at the scene, darting to take it all in.

The hair.

The hand.

The broken glass.

“Soraya, oh...”

I smile up at her. “I slipped.”

Her face twists at the lie. She probably could already see through it.

“And, did the fall cause you to lose all your hair?”

I blinked innocently up at her, “it was just getting heavy.”

She sighs and shakes her head, her eyes still lingering on the fresh red.

I quickly hide the ragged skin from her sight, noting now that she matched me.

Her hands were also red.

I knew what those hands on her meant.

When mom painted with red, you didn’t disturb her. She fell away from you.

The only ones who had a chance of bringing her back were dad, Uncle Mark and maybe sometimes Leo.

I had never made the list.

“I’m just going to get Leo to clean it for me. It will be fine,” I spread my smile up at her, painting the image upon my mask- watching her frown away from the sight.

Because I knew that mom hated the sight of blood.

I stand, cradling the injured hand to my chest as I slowly walked around her.

I’m halfway down the hall when her voice stops me.

“How did it go today?”

I turn around, to face her anxious smile.

“They...they accepted you?”

There is an uncomfortable pause of silence. I grapple with my mind, suddenly feeling the weight of it all crash upon me.

The office.

The rejection.

Father’s confession.

I look up, mouth open, but stop short when I see that mom is staring at her hands, a deep concentrated look surrounding her.

“They did.”

She gasps, a real smile forming on her face as she approaches me. “I knew they would.”

I lean into her embrace as she folds me in her arms.

Her scent was soothing.

Like paint and sunlight- familiar and full of warmth.

But then I crack.

She pulls back, her eyes squinting as she watches my head that is hung in shame. My lip I’m biting to try and control the outburst of emotion that I want to let loose again.

I jump when her hand connects to the top of my chopped hair.

“I could have cut it for you,” she noted.

A heavy sigh leaves her as she looks up into my eyes.

“Tell me the truth Soraya.”

My whole frame is shaking as I slowly let her red hands guide my head to her shoulder. My injured hand is throbbing, but I ignore it as mom’s arms make slow, comforting strokes.

“It’s their loss,” she whispers in my ear.

“Mom,” I pull back, my moment of weakness gone now. Over. I had allowed myself an instant, but I couldn’t keep the sorrow for long.

Too much rage consumed me- and I had no time for weakness.

“I’m going to train in the mountains.”

Her mouth opens and closes in startled disbelief, but she quickly regains her composure, “The- what? Why?”

“I need to be Alpha. I need to train to be Alpha.”

“Soraya...” she squeezes her hands together, shifting on her feet and shaking her head. Before she can continue I hold up my uninjured hand, a thickness collecting in my throat as I stop her.

“Please mom. Don’t talk me out of it.”

Her eyes widen, and to my disbelief- she smiles.

“No, I don’t think I could talk you out of anything once you put your mind to it...I was just going to tell you to stay warm. And don’t get a cold. Drink plenty of water. Oh! Wear those boots your father gave you las-”

Her words are cut off with a sharp ‘ouf’ as I tackle her with a hug- a rare sign of affection on my part.

“Thanks mom.”

She laughs, “Promise you’ll be safe. And promise...promise you’ll come back.”

I note the pain that laces her words. The hidden meaning behind them.

“I will.”

She nods, and I release her.

“Okay. Tomorrow.”

“What?”

She gives me a disbelieving look, “Soraya it’s already dark outside. You can’t leave, and you know Uncle Mark and Aunt Quinn would be upset if you left without saying goodbye.”

“Oh...”

“First that hand,” she quickly turns me around, pushing me down the hall, “then bed. Then you can leave for the mountains.”

“Geez mom,” I said, shaking my head and groaning- looking the other way as I smiled my widest grin.

“Did you punch a tree again?”

I groan and throw my head back, holding my hand out, “No Leo.”

He gently takes the injured flesh and pushes his glasses up his nose, squinting down.

“Glass. So, you punched a mirror?”

He watches as I silently look the other way.

We continue in our silence- Leo not saying a word about the sloppy new haircut I wore-until he breaks it.

“You told mom.”

It’s not a question.

“Ya.”

He nods. I observe him, taking in the care and precision he makes with every motion as he pulls small bits of glass from my skin.

“You’ll come back though.”

It’s not a question.

“Ya.”

A deep sigh leaves him as he glances up. I catch the caramel brown, just in time to see the flash of pain before they flicker away.

“Hey, what souvenir do you want?”

He snorts, “from a mountain?”

“I’ll get you a nice rock.”

“No thanks.”

I move closer, patting his shoulder with my good hand, “aw come on Leo, you know you want your very own mountain rock.”

He laughs, but his laugher hitches and stops.

A sad smile merges onto my face as I watch. I knew this would happen. Could almost feel it coming.

So I know what to do when he looks up, his mouth open in the act of speaking those words of pain- but I cut him off before he has a chance to bleed.

“Leo, Leo Leo. What am I going to do without you? Who will bandage me up? Though I guess you’ll be busy here with Schulman...Taylor and Lloyd are having their second pup also...I guess that’s exciting. Maybe Schulman and Nurse Joy will let you help this time. And I heard little Pete was sick. The cold months always bring lots of snot and coughs to those little fur balls. You’ll be busy here won’t you?”

A slow smile spreads across Leo’s face.

“Ya...ya there’s a lot to do here...”

I nod and before he can react, flick his forehead.

“Ouch,” he moodily said, rubbing the sore spot.

“Don’t get used to the quiet work while I’m gone, okay?”

A groan of annoyance leaves him as he leans back down to finish pulling the glass from my hand.

I have to fight the urge to pull him into a hug- to not flick his forehead - but stroke his hair and whisper to him, it will be okay. You’ll be okay.

But I can’t.

Because Leo had grown up to fast.

Much faster than I had.

Yet he still had the heart of a child.

My eyes close at the flash of memories before I open them back to the present.

I had never been good at telling others what I really wanted to say.

“So... what color of rock do you want?”

Leo sighs for a long time at the question.