Eclipse Child

I feel a weight in my soul

And they tell me happiness lets it rise.

But I don’t tell them of the things that make me grin.

Of blood,

and pain,

ruin and

nightmares in games

Happiness is not always sunshine and roses.

Your flesh burns from the fire,

as your hands cling to the thorns they hold tight.

-world_joy_

I refuse to give up.

The lessons of my youth made me have a deep hate to those who simply ′gave up.′

I didn’t give up.

If I did, then I had nothing.

If I gave up, then there would be nothing left for me.

I refused to give up.

So many times, those words had repeated and clashed within my mind.

Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.

Each day brought another chance.

Each step within my run made me stronger.

Brought me closer.

Each breath I took, exhale I gave, sensation I felt, pain I received- all had me gritting my teeth and feeling frustrated anger as I yelled- screamed- within my mind, ′don’t give up.′

The words were easier said than done.

By now I was holding on to a thin string.

The string had been there for a while.

The thread loose and beginning to unravel.

Any day now- it would snap.

Don’t give up.

What kept me going, was the thought that one day- I wouldn’t be able to say those words anymore.

One day, I could think within my mind, ′You can give up.′

And then I would let go.

The only difference between today and that one day was one word.

Don’t vs. can.

So, I always figured.

You can’t give up today.

But eventually.

One day.

One day it will be okay to give up.

But until then.

Until then.

Don’t give up.

The male watches my fight.

My internal struggle as skin claws against fur. The human fights with the wolf. The balance of the two broken now as my body fought against the unnatural order I had pushed upon it.

The pain within my side has slowed me down.

I’m sure- positive- that I have broken a rib.

I’ve experienced the sensation of it before.

But to the male’s surprise, I keep going.

I almost want to attempt laughing at him. Seeing what the sound comes out like as a wolf.

Just from the way he acts.

Like he can’t understand why I’m pushing myself so hard.

He doesn’t stop me though.

He doesn’t pull me aside or become overprotective.

I’m used to these reactions, so the male’s own actions surprise me.

We each were surprising the other.

But I could tell I was losing my fight.

The pain in my side throbbing.

The wolves were constantly on the run to keep up with the migrating herd.

They needed to follow them to maintain their food supply.

Like the herd though, they also would not straggle behind for the wounded.

The male stays with me however.

Some of the Elder wolfs even stick close behind, choosing to go my own slow pace instead of keeping up with the main pack.

It’s a family.

They treated each other like a family.

But it doesn’t last long.

I only manage a week into the pain before it finally happens.

I fall to the ground, panting and crying out from the hurt as my body collides with the rocky floor.

The wolves surround me, but the low growl of the male has them backing away.

Each wolf slowly turns back, continuing on.

A low whine leaves me when I take in their actions.

But I know it’s for the best- my body is shivering and soon I’m shifting.

The wolf stands over me, taking me in.

I gasp as tears start to form within my eyes.

Whatever had happened to my ribs, the shift had only made it worse.

A strangled cry of pain leaves me.

Black spots protrude into my vision.

I try to blink them back but to no avail. They only grow bigger, clouding my senses and shadowing the sight of the male’s feet as he walks closer to me.

I squint, taking it in and trying desperately to figure out what was different.

My mind though is slow.

I had let the fur possess me for too long.

The wolf had taken over my mind.

And I had become lost within its thoughts.

My eyes flicker, closing and shutting. Warmth spreads over my side. No- not warmth.

Heat.

Fire.

I gasp from the sensation, but it only causes more pain to fill me.

The last impression I have, before my vision turns to black, is the feeling of being lifted from the ground.

Fire spreading and consuming my skin.