Eclipse Child

He lulls me to sleep

and kisses my eyes

Don’t tell anybody

that the big bad wolf

is a puppy in disguise

-author unknown

Blood stain the wolves as they retreat from their kill.

Nothing is left. Everything that could be eaten is devoured in one sitting.

We all walk away with full bellies and a satisfied attitude in our steps from the successful hunt.

I flinch when the male’s tongue darts out to taste the red that colors my face. He looks taken aback by my actions as I mimic his own features.

We both stare at the other until he cautiously moves forward, repeating his movement.

I’m still. Not moving as I allow him to clean me.

The red did not show so easily on my dark fur, but he doesn’t leave anything unnoticed.

Ears, nose, face, even neck.

All he cleans.

I watch as other wolves around us repeat the act.

It was something they did after every hunt.

But I could sense a satisfaction running through the male. Satisfaction maybe, that he wasn’t alone to watch anymore. Now he could fully participate with the wolves. Now he had his own partner to clean and complete the ritual with.

He stops after a while and sits. Waiting.

I cautiously move forward and repeat his actions. It feels strange. New. Something about even venturing to do this has me shivering in excitement at the bold move on my part. At least it seems that way to me. To the wolves, this is just a matter of family and taking care of one another.

And maybe that is why the male curls up next to me afterward, a content sight leaving him.

Because he finally has someone like him.

Because he finally has someone to take care of.

Because he finally, was not alone.

I forget the time.

I forget the days and how many have passed.

And I forget the skin.

I forget what it is like to walk on two feet.

I forget what it feels like to sleep in a bed, eat the food that Sandra cooked, or the different luxuries that now seem so distant and vague.

I forget the worries of the world.

The anxiety and constant need and pressure that I had put on myself.

I forget it all.

Instead, I let it all go and fully consume myself with the wolf.

There is no connection or difference between the two sides now.

It used to be very clear to see- one part of my soul was skin; the other was fur.

Now the wolf within me had taken over, washing away the thoughts that traveled through my mind when I was consumed in the affairs of the world.

I could see the temptation of it. I really could

To lose yourself in the wild and forget the world- instead, letting the simple thoughts of the animal take over.

When you were hungry, you ate.

When you were tired, you slept.

When you felt like playing, running or letting out energy- you did.

Like I had reverted to my childhood when my dreams seemed distant yet real, and the world seemed open and new. Inviting. No evil could penetrate my mind because no evil existed there.

Everything was, what it was.

There was no grey for the wolf.

There was only black and white.

Color did not exist in their world because they did not have a need for such things.

It was simple. It was easy.

It was a lie.

A lie that I could easily believe.

A lie that I swallowed whole and did not even think to chew on.

So the days passed.

The time flew away.

The male saw the change in me.

He continued the same though.

Because he had already let the wolf consume his mind.

His fur easily winning over skin.

We hunted at night and curled up together at dawn.

We played with the young. Sat with the elders. Continued to follow the herd.

My pleasant lie continued to be woven until one day-

I gagged and hacked, feeling my stomach revolt on itself.

Some wolves eyed me curiously as they watched me reject the food I had eaten from the small animals of last night’s hunt.

The male pressed against me, his scent filling my nose- but I pushed him away and ran through the trees. The sound of the other’s startled noises falling behind me as I left them there.

Until I heard the clatter of rocks telling me that the male was following.

We hit the clearing, just in time.

My whole body is shaking- and again I find my stomach rejecting what is inside.

My frame continues shaking as I shift and fall to the ground, the hard rocks pressing into my bare skin.

The low whine of the male is heard from a distance as he approaches.

I cough and dry heave, on all fours now-hands and knees- shivering against the sudden exposure I felt to the violent cold.

Skin had won against the fur.

Schulman’s words come back to me, your grandfather tried it, but he only lasted for a month.

Endurance.

It was about endurance.

How long could you go without shifting back?

Apparently, there was a limit- each side had to balance out.

The male has been doing this for a while then. He has learned endurance and the art of fighting against his skin and not letting it win.

I look up to find the wolf staring down at me, those grey eyes filled with silent worry.

I open my mouth but find my thoughts sluggish. Words were hard to come by and a sudden fear grips me as I claw through my mind, trying desperately to remember facts about myself.

What was my name?

Soraya.

It comes after several long seconds.

I am twenty years old, my mother’s name is Lexie. My father’s name is Atlas.

I’m in the Traiole Mountins. I am training to be Alpha.

I glance back up at the wolf.

He is my mate.

“I don’t want to do this,” I wince at my voice. The roughness that rubs against my raw throat.

I shiver against the cold, but the anger I felt inside was slowly heating me up.

I’m about to say more when I stop, my mouth slightly hanging open but not able to speak because I finally realize where the male’s eyes are.

I quickly stand, swaying dangerously on the spot, but giving him something else to look at besides my mutilated and curved back.

“Looking at what you were blessed with by the Moon?” A bitter laugh leaves me. Those grey eyes flicker up to me, a foreign expression in them.

“Training,” I whisper, answering the silent question, “got it from training.”

Before I can make up any more emotions in the wolf’s eyes, I point to him- “shift.” I let command leak into my voice and smile when I see his legs quiver just slightly. Maybe he was starting to realize who I was. What I was.

He angles his head, wearily watching me from the side.

A small yap from the edge of the woods catches both our attention. We look to find that the wolves have followed us. Two paced along the edge, eagerly looking at the male while eyeing me with suspicion.

I feel small hurt blossom in my chest that they don’t recognize my scent and act more familiar. But they trusted their eyes as well as their noses. What they saw was not something they liked.

I quickly grab the male’s tail when I realize he had been edging his way back to them, making small shuffling movements to get closer.

“No, you don’t!”

He stops short, sitting on the ground to look up and stare at me.

“Shift. Please.”

He doesn’t move.

An impatient cloud of air leaves me as I huff in annoyance, “you have to be the worst mate in the history of mates.”

His ears perk up, attention caught by my words.

Slowly, he stands and makes his way around me.

“What are-,”

At first, I thought it was to get another look at my back, but my thoughts and words are quickly cut off when his nose presses dangerously close to my ass.

“Stop that!” Instinct takes over before I can register my movements. I whip around, pushing him down as he falls on a small patch of snow.

The other wolves have moved on, impatient and ready to go.

But we are to absorb in the other to notice.

“You’re a human also! Think about your actions before you do something like that.”

Shame colors me though as I reflect and remember that I had allowed him to do a similar action while I was a wolf.

If a wolf could look confused, this would be the expression.

The hair above his eyes is lowered, eyebrows squinting just slightly as his ears drop forward.

“No, don’t make that face,” I command, pointing to the falling ears and slowly forming puppy eyes that were emerging.

“Damn it,” I sigh, taking in the large grey eyes.

“This is just my life. Just great.”

I walk forward and softly pat the top of his head, ignoring the fact that I stood bare before him. It didn’t matter anyway. I doubt he would shift and let me know how he felt about it.

“If you have a fear of shifting because you think I’ll kick your ass the moment I see you, then you have a legitimate fear. And you should be very afraid.”

His warm tongue darts out, almost shyly as he quickly makes contact with my fingers.

“It feels like I’ve earned a dog.”

But he’s already moving forward where the other wolves had disappeared.

He turns around just slightly to glance back at me.

“I could leave you know.”

A low whine leaves his throat as those damn puppy eyes reemerge.

“You’re a fucking piece of work.”

And without another word, I inhale deeply, bracing my mind for the invasion of fur and release of worry.

Without another thought, I shift and run to his side.