novelxo Chapter 37; Carpe Diem
“What was that all about?” Baellnar demanded. Alyenna had been silent ever since she had awoken. The memory of who she was and what had created her was emblazoned in her mind. How does she explain something like that? How does she explain that she actually is Eleanor, but also is not her? How does she look Baellnar in the eye after last night and tell him that he was right? That the brief moment they shared should and could never be? She could not even bring herself to say it aloud none the less to him. How could she what possible thing could she say that would fix it? They had made a brief and delicious mistake; but, it was a mistake. She knew that now. For the briefest of moments she was allowed happiness, and then it was stolen from her in one dream.
She was not meant for love, and no matter what they did she was also doomed. History always repeats itself. The only thing she could change was controlling her own emotions enough to protect those around her and finally vanquish Scelstra. Maybe, then she could finally give in to what she knew they both needed but could never have. Her mind whirled and writhed with emotions and words and she finally settled on the one thing that they could control. The one that did not cause heartbreak. The one that could offer hope. “I d not just look like Eleanor. I am Eleanor.”
Baellnar and Aagi looked at her with jaws open and locked. She knew she had to explain, but all she could do was describe. “My heart is Alyenna’s; but, there is more to me now. Baellnar how much did Allabandar guide you in finding me?” He froze his jaw was working but nothing came out. So Alyenna continued in her explanation she realized her words were not quite right. “I am part Eleanor, really. Allabandar created me. In a way, he is my father. His magic combined with Eleanor’s dragon and her heart and it created me. So like a young dragon. I was created from the ashes of my parents. Allabanar sent me through the portal with my ‘parents.’ He is the reason I exist at all.”
They sat in silence watching her. “I was there for the final battle. I saw everything. I saw what Eleanor saw. She gave up. She could not make the decision that the world needed. She could not kill Cameron even claimed.” Her eyes closed picturing the broken man in the mountain. His life still had value; but, she understood the pain he felt now. She opened her eyes and looked at the sapphire ones that watched her. She finally understood. If she loved him and if he loved her then they could never show it. Never give in to the weakness. It was through their weakness that Scelestra could destroy the world.
She heard Roxanne’s voice in her mind. Child the only way to beat her is to try something new. We have been fighting her for centuries by fighting our emotions and it is not working. Alyenna shook her from her mind, but the words had done their part. She questioned her resolve and looked at Baellnar again. Eleanor had embraced her love and had paid the ultimate price. How is fighting emotions not the answer? Roxanne’s voice came back. Because she fought alone.
“Well dat certainly explains a lot!” Aagi roared trying to break the tension.
“What does it all mean?” Baellnar whispered. Alyenna could see his heart breaking.
“I do not know,” It was her honest opinion. She did not know. Roxanne’s words gave her heart false hope. Yet, they seemed true. She could not fight this alone, and she had not been. Eleanor had been foolhardy and determined. She tried to carry the whole world on her back. No one can conquer the world alone. Scelestra certainly did not. Alyenna felt familiar nausea as she thought of Paul. “I do know that I cannot do this alone, but enough people have been hurt. We have to end this and end this now. How far is Scelestra’s tower from here?”
Baellnar looked as if he would break. She knew what he saw. She knew that he was watching her walk towards her death; but, she had to try. They had been reacting to Scelestra’s war for centuries. It was time to bring the war to her.
“About two weeks journey from here. In the city of Trisitia, the City of Sadness.”
“Aagi can you give us a minute.” Aagi cast her a knowing glance and disappeared muttering something about getting the horses ready.
It was her alone with Baellnar, and this time she had a fierce determination in her heart. If she was marching to her death she was not going to let regrets hold her back. She steeled her nerves and looked him dead in the eye. “I love you.” He was motionless. A wave of emotions contorted his face. “Before you give me a load of horseshit about Scelestra’s control I have something I want to say. Eleanor’s death was not caused by her love of Cameron. Scelestra can control minds. That is what caused her death. This world fights their emotions and it is that fear that gives her power. I do not intend to fight the emotions. If she takes me from you I swear to you I will not give up. I swear I will do what is needed. There is too much at stake; but, here in this moment I love you, and I need you. If you cannot return that then I understand.” She paused waiting for him to move. He did not. “If you do not love me that I understand as well, but I do not think that is it. I think you have lived in fear. I think you have been controlled by her even without her magic.”
“How can you say that?” He was trembling. His hands were pale and his back was rigid. His nails were gripping into the floorboards.
“Say what?” She trembled she wanted to push him. She needed to. She was marching to her death. If she was going to lose him then she wanted something to lose. She understood now Eleanor’s pain, however, in her death, there was never regret loving Cameron. In fact, it was in her last moments that she saw his face and she felt at peace. Her only regret was that she had failed, never that she had loved him and lost him. It was in that moment that Alyenna realized the heart of what gave Scelestra power; It was not love, it was fear. She controlled people through the fear of loss. She kept them isolated from each other through the power of fear. The only way to beat her was to beat her together. She was the queen of nightmares, not the queen of hearts.
“How could you say that I do not love you?” He was still trembling. “You know we cannot act on this.”
Alyenna had her first real epiphany. “Scelestra can read minds right?” He nodded. “Then how is denying each other going to stop her? If she can read my mind she will know I love you. So fighting it only causes us pain, it does nothing to conquer her, it only weakens us. If she will destroy me for love then I would like to enjoy it first.”
Baellnar was shaking but his hands released the floorboards. For the first time in history, Alyenna saw hope in his eyes. She had so little time to enjoy it. As his lips were on hers and he was pulling her into him. She heard gentle words whisper in her ear, “I love you, I have always loved you,” and felt his hands gripping her clothes. He gripped her tightly and his kissing trailed down her neck. The heat from his ministrations was overpowering. So she gave in. She kissed him her and he lowered her to the floor.
His hands traced down her back gripping her tightly. His mouth found hers again. She gasped his name and then he lost all self-control. His hands began to tear away at her clothes in desperation. She was breathing heavily as his lips traced down her neck. Her own hands found the lacing of his pants. She could only give in to her instincts. Her heart was thundering in her chest. This may be her last moment of joy, but that only made it sweeter. She held him close as he pulled her pants away and whispered into his ear. “Mine.”
He pulled away from her his sapphire eyes were whirling, “how could I not be,” and he smiled as he looked at her, and then he was inside her. She bit her lip as her body responded to his motion. Joyful music filled the room and worked in a gentle cadence of their bodies together. First, there were two melodies and then one powerful song. It started slow and gentle. Then as they moved as their bodies lost every shred of control so did the song.