Dirty Letters

I really wanted Luca to enjoy her last hours in California. I knew that meant doing everything in my power to make sure we continued to avoid crowds tonight. While I hoped that someday she could overcome her phobia, it wasn’t going to happen overnight and certainly not during this trip. I had to roll with it and try not to push her in any way.

Aiden had arranged for a car to pick us up at my house. The driver was instructed to take back roads. I’d rented a private room at my favorite restaurant, which had a back entrance frequently offered up to celebrities. It allowed access right into a dining room, which was kept separate from where the other patrons ate. I knew the manager pretty well and trusted his discretion. Marcus was also good at making sure his employees kept mum about my presence. So I felt confident taking Luca there.

She and I sat across from each other at our candlelit table, enjoying an intimate dinner. We dug into our salads while waiting for the main course.

Luca picked at her greens. “Is it weird that I’m actually going to miss the letters?”

“Not a bit. But who says they have to stop?”

“I guess we never discussed it. But I can’t imagine we’ll continue writing handwritten letters now that we’ve met?”

Putting my fork down and reaching across the table for her hand, I said, “I want to stay in touch, Luca. I want to hear from you every day whether it’s an e-mail, a phone call, or a fucking singing telegram from someone dressed as a wiener. I just want to hear from you.”

I could relate to that feeling of impending loss over the letters, though. Our invisible connection was a huge part of us. We would never experience that intimacy quite the same way ever again. I hoped things would be even better now, but Luca’s concerns about my life weren’t exactly unfounded. I just didn’t quite know if I would be able to prove her wrong about whether this could work. I had the will . . . but did I really have the way? My situation was complicated. Actually, it was more like a complete circus.

Our food finally arrived. I’d ordered the filet mignon and Luca got trout in a garlic-lemon sauce.

As I cut into my steak, I asked, “Have you heard from Doc?”

“He called me right before the car came to pick us up. The connection was staticky, so I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, but he sounded so happy. Where did you have the driver take him?”

“I called the zoo and asked if I could rent out the aviary after it closed. That’s where he is right now. He has it all to himself.”

Luca smiled wide. “Wow. He must be overjoyed. Thank you for arranging that. For someone who adopted a minimalist life back home, Doc sure seems to be getting acclimated to your pool house, housekeeper, and all of the special treatment.”

“Well, he’s welcome back anytime. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you. Truly. Thank you for your hospitality.”

“It’s my pleasure. I owe Doc a lot for helping to get you here. It was a gift. Lord knows how long it would have taken me before I figured out how to tell you about Cole. I’ll always be grateful for him . . . and my little stalker.”

She wiped her mouth. “It was reciprocal stalking if my memory serves me correctly.”

“That it was.”

Our eyes locked. My mind wandered to that amazing blowjob she’d given me earlier. My dick stiffened. I wanted nothing more than to return the favor tonight.

“So when do you leave for Vancouver again?” she asked, interrupting my fantasizing.

The thought of my upcoming trip filled me with dread.

“In about a week.”

“It’s a music festival, you said?”

“Yeah. It’s called Beaverstock.”

“Beaver?”

“It’s a vagina festival.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“I’m joking. The name apparently comes from the urban beavers that dwell in the city.”

“Wow. Okay.”

“This is our second year doing it.”

“When do you go on tour next?”

“The US leg is in about a month. A dozen cities. Then we have a small European tour a few months after that.”

“Twelve cities in a row?”

“Yes.”

“That must be so hectic. Is it nonstop?”

“Pretty much. Sometimes you get a day or two in between, but I much prefer it that way. I would rather get it over with and have a chunk of time to myself again.”

I could practically see the fears swirling around in her head, visions of girls in tour buses, bras being flung everywhere. Booze spilling. Music blaring. Cocaine snorting. Her fear was palpable.

“As crazy as my life can be at times,” I said, “there are lulls . . . weeks at a time where I can go away, do what I please. Things are busy now with recording the new album, but once that’s done and the tour is over, things will calm down a bit.”

That statement was an attempt to try to convince her that my life did contain some small periods of “normalcy.”

“What will you do when you get home, Luca?”

She sighed as if the answer was daunting. “I plan to get started on the book I daydreamed about on the ride here.”

“Do you have to turn it in by a certain time?”

“No. Because I’m way ahead of my deadline, I have lots of wiggle room. I stick to a schedule, but it’s not the end of the world if it changes a bit.”

“That’s brilliant. Tell me about your newest character. What’s his or her deal?”

“Well . . . he’s British.”

“Oh yeah?” I winked. “Inspired by anyone in particular?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said my interactions with you didn’t influence that decision. But you’re not a serial killer. And he is. So there’s that. That’s the main difference.”

I shrugged. “Details . . .”

We got a good laugh at that, and apparently it faded into my staring at her as I often did, which prompted her to ask, “What?”

“Nothing. Sometimes I just still can’t believe I get to look into your eyes. There’s not one time I’ve looked into them that I haven’t thought about how lucky I am to be able to do that.”

Luca blushed, and it was beautiful, really. I hoped that someday I could see her do that very thing while our bodies were connected as much as our souls always seemed to be.

The evening so far had gone off without a hitch. And I should’ve known that was too good to be true. Because after dinner, when we exited the supposed private door to head to our waiting car, a rush of flashes greeted us. A few paparazzi had been camped out waiting for us to exit. Apparently somewhere beneath the smiles of the people who had served us tonight, there was a mole.

Luca’s big, beautiful eyes were filled with confusion.

Never in my entire career had I ever lost it with the paparazzi—until now.

“Back the fuck off,” I shouted. “It’s okay when I’m alone, but this is not cool! She didn’t ask for this.”

Their questions all seemed to blend together.

“Is she your girlfriend, Cole?”

Flash.

Flash.

Flash.

“What’s her name?”

Flash.

Flash.

“How’s the new album coming?”

Flash.

Flash.

Flash.

I wrapped both my arms around Luca protectively. Thankfully, the car was right there, and we didn’t have to wait for it.

After we got inside and I closed the door, it became eerily quiet.

I misdirected my anger toward the driver. “Why didn’t you warn me they were out here?”

“I tried to call your phone, sir. There was no answer.”

I checked my phone. There were no missed calls.

What the fuck?

I didn’t know what had happened, whether he had dialed the wrong number or what. That didn’t matter.

“Take us home, please,” I told him.

I had one job. One job. That was to give Luca a normal night out without interference. I should’ve known better.

I pulled her close. “Are you alright?”

“It happened so fast, yeah. I didn’t have much of a chance to react.”

“Yeah. That’s how it is sometimes.”

“How did they know we were in there?”

“Someone at the restaurant probably ratted us out. Employees are told not to say anything, but all it takes is one person—one waitress texting her friend or whatever. Then word spreads like wildfire. Normally it doesn’t matter. I deal with it. But I wanted so badly to escape it for one night with you.” My voice was strained. “I’m sorry, Luca.”

She caressed the stubble on my jaw. “I know it’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is. I should’ve known that I couldn’t take you anywhere in public and have it be a hundred percent paparazzi-free.”

Things were quiet until the driver let us off in front of my place. The silence continued to follow us into the house and up the winding staircase.

She looked tired.

I led Luca to her room. “Wait for me here, okay, love? Lie down and relax. I’ll be back in about five minutes.”

I ventured down the hall to my main bathroom and ran the water in the large tub, testing it with my hand to make sure it was just the right temperature. I was still fuming. All I wanted was to help Luca relax so that she could sleep well tonight. She needed a good night’s rest before having to hit the road.

After the tub was filled, I returned to her room and held out my hand.

“Come.”

She took it and followed me down the hall.

When she spotted the tub filled with suds, she asked, “Am I supposed to get in there?”

“We’re gonna get in there.”

She swallowed. I realized she might have been thinking I had other ideas. Understandably so.

“I’ll keep my knickers on. I just want to hold you.”

I turned around as a cue for her to undress and get in the water. “Just say when.”

After a couple of minutes, she said, “When.”

Only her head was visible. She gazed at me as I removed my shirt and pants, taking off everything but my boxer briefs. She seemed to notice the tattoo on my chest for the first time and squinted. It was my mother’s name intertwined with roses and barbed wire.

“Libby. Your mother.” She smiled.

“Yeah. Got this about a year after Mum died.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I said as I slipped into the water behind her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her into me, resting my chin on her head before I kissed the top of it. Many thoughts went round and round in my mind. Was I crazy for thinking that this could somehow work? I knew how badly I wanted it to, but was that enough?

“A part of me wishes I could just stay here in this water with you forever and not have to worry about anything else,” I said.

“If I was the type of person who fit into your lifestyle, you wouldn’t be feeling that way. This would be easy.”

“Just because something is easy doesn’t make it better. We have our issues. But being with you still feels better than anything in the world. Sometimes the best things are also the most challenging. And that’s just the way it is.”

When my hand shifted for the first time and brushed against the underside of her breast, I realized she’d taken her bra off, too. Since I hadn’t seen her undress, I wasn’t sure if she’d opted to keep it on. My cock stiffened at the thought, and I readjusted my position so that she didn’t feel it poking into her. As intimate as this bath was, it didn’t seem like the appropriate time to get a stiffy.

“This feels so good,” she said. “And I do feel safe when I’m with you, Griffin. I need you to know that. It’s everyone else who scares me.”

“I know that, baby. Right now, it’s just us. Let’s enjoy it.”

Luca didn’t say anything for the longest time. Then I heard her breathing change. When I leaned my head around to look at her expression, I realized she’d fallen asleep on me. This trip had exhausted her.

Later, Luca woke up just long enough to dry off and slip into one of my long T-shirts. I carried her back to her room and placed a chaste kiss on her lips before watching her drift to sleep again. I never went back to my room. Instead, I slipped in beside her and stayed up all night watching her sleep. I knew I would pay for it in the morning, but I couldn’t justify willingly falling unconscious at a time like this.

The morning sun streamed through the window. Her eyes blinked open as she took notice of me lying next to her.

“I didn’t know you were here.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my room.”

“You were here . . . next to me . . . all night?”

“Yeah. Does that creep you out?”

“I write about serial killers, have a pig for a child, and drove cross-country to stalk you . . . safe to say, nothing should creep me out.” She smiled, then it faded into a frown. She looked pensive.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I was just thinking about what one of the photographers shouted at me last night before we got in the car . . .”

My stomach sank. I’d been too busy swearing at them, I hadn’t heard every single thing that was thrown in our direction.

“What did he say?”

“He said, ‘Eve . . . is that you? You look great. Keep up the good work.’”

My head fell.

I had to explain.

“Eve . . . is Eve Varikova.”

“Who is that?”

“She’s this . . . model I dated briefly several months ago. It was nothing serious. But she’s very well known, so the press had a field day when we were spotted out together.”

“Do I look like her or something?”

“You have dark hair. That’s about it. I think that person must have been smoking crack, because she’s about a foot taller than you.”

“Why did he say ‘keep up the good work’?”

“Because Eve had a drug problem that I didn’t know about when I started seeing her. Soon after, she went into rehab. I haven’t spoken to her since, but I hear she’s doing well.”

I took a deep breath in, because I could tell by the look on Luca’s face that she was overthinking everything again. She was probably going to start Googling Eve the second she got into the RV, and that would lead to more searches resulting in false information about me. It truly made me sick.

“Will you promise me something?” I asked.

She nodded. “Okay . . .”

“Will you try not to Google me? Most of what you find will be garbage. Or even better . . . Google me, but do it with me while I’m on the phone or beside you. Just let me be there to explain what’s truth and what’s not. I’ll never lie to you. I just hate the idea of you reading all of this shit and not knowing what to believe.”

She looked like she was struggling with that. I knew it would be extremely hard for her to really follow through on that promise. If I put myself in her shoes, I wasn’t entirely sure I could stop myself.

She blinked for a while, seeming to seriously consider my request.

“Okay,” she finally said. “I had to think about it to make sure I could make that type of a promise and mean it. I promise not to Google you . . . without you knowing.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. I know it won’t be easy, but I promise, you’re not missing anything of value. I can tell you everything you need to know that’s important. And if you ever have any questions, you just have to ask me.”

She reached her hand out and brought my face into hers. The desire bubbling inside me transformed quickly into urgent need as I kissed her passionately.

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay longer?” I whispered over her lips.

She didn’t have to answer. I already knew.

While the price of fame was high, I’d never downright wished I could make it all disappear. That was before Luca. At this very moment, if given a choice, I would have forgone the fan-crazed twelve-city tour I had coming up soon enough for a road trip across the country in a broken-down RV.