Definitely, Maybe in Love

Melanie and I didn’t speak much during our flight home. Henry arranged for a rental car to be waiting for us at the airport in San Francisco to keep for as long as required. I was grateful for this, because I wasn’t in the presence of mind to consider that detail. He also assured that my car would be returned to me as soon as possible.

“I’m going to your house,” Mel said as I was about to make the turn onto her street.

“You don’t have to,” I said wearily. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“I can sit there with you until she comes back,” she insisted. “So shut up.”

“Thanks,” I said, and hung a U-turn toward home.

Anabel was perched on a barstool in the kitchen when we walked in. She looked worried and tired, like I felt. My first impulse was to grab her by the shoulders and scold, knowing that—with her recent track record—this must somehow be her fault. But now wasn’t the time for blame.

“Tell us what we don’t know,” I requested as I sat beside her, Mel on her other side.

“I saw them leave together,” she answered, diving right in. “Alex was over here and—”

“Why was Alex in this house?” I interrupted.

Anabel stared down at her nails. “We’ve kind of been hanging out this summer.”

I glared at my roommate. “I told you to stay away from him.”

“I know.” She toyed with the ends of her hair. “But campus is a total ghost town and he’s cute—”

“Whatever. Why did Julia take off with him if he’s been hanging out with you?”

“Like I said, he was over here. It was weird. Julia was flirting with him, like, hardcore. When I left the room for a minute and came back, they were talking, he was touching her, telling her about some secret cabin at the beach.”

My blood turned ice-cold and I glanced at Mel. Her face was white.

“I’m pretty sure he’d been drinking a little.” Anabel bit her lip. “Well, maybe more than a little. And I know she’d been drinking a lot.”

“And?”

“Around midnight, he made a phone call. As soon as he left the room, Julia started bawling. She was hysterical, going on and on about needing to, ya know, get some. Have you ever heard her talk like that?”

I shook my head, but then felt chilled again, remembering word for word the conversation we’d had about how, even though she and Dart had slept together, he still left her, and how resentful she’d felt about that…how it hadn’t been special after all.

“She wasn’t making sense,” Anabel continued. “So I told her to—”

“What did you tell her to do this time, Anabel?” Hot dread filled my veins.

“Nothing!” Her eyes grew wide. “I mean, I told her to chill out. She was drunk. I’m not an idiot. Next thing I knew, she wiped her face and got this look in her eyes, staring at Alex when he finished his call. She walked right up to him and said she wanted to see the cabin.”

“You didn’t stop her?” Mel asked.

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Kick Alex in his family jewels, for one,” I suggested.

“I couldn’t! She grabbed her purse and they took off before I could do anything. They just left me and…it was just really weird.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling another cold shiver down my spine.

“Well, why did he take her and not me?”

“Anabel!” I snapped.

“Sorry.” She blinked and dropped her chin, like she was attempting to appear guilty. But I knew better. She was in shock that someone managed to steal a guy from under her nose.

“Were you waiting up all night?” I asked. She nodded solemnly. “You can go to bed. Thanks for calling me last night. I know it must’ve sucked.”

“Yeah,” she said, then added right before leaving the room, “and I really am sorry.”

I said nothing in reply, I just walked with Mel to the living room. “It’s barely been twelve hours,” I said, slumping onto the couch. “What should we do?”

“There’s nothing we can do,” Mel said. “We can’t even call the cops yet. She’s not missing and in no imminent danger.”

“Imminent,” I muttered, coldly.

“Try her cell again.”

I did, but I’d been getting nothing but voicemail all day. I left another message, begging her to call.

“We don’t know for sure they went to that beach cabin,” Mel said, sitting beside me. “The same one he took Cami to.”

“That’s what he does, Mel,” I countered, running a fist across my forehead. “You read Henry’s letter.”

“Yeah,” she replied, somberly. “I’m just hoping we’re wrong.”

We weren’t wrong, and I knew it. “He got rough with Cami,” I said after a minute. “And she was fifteen. She wasn’t the only one; he’s been doing this for years, always keeping his exploits on this side of a felony. What does he do if they try to fight back?” I shut my eyes in a long blink. “He’s disgusting and deserves to be castrated!”

“Do you know where he takes them?”

“Not the exact location. All Henry alluded to was somewhere down by Monterey, but that’s a big place.”

Mel and I sat for hours, sharing our worries, while going over possible scenarios and hoping Julia’s ex–Navy Seal father didn’t call the house. I tried Alex over and over too, but he never answered his phone. Shadows crept across the floor of our living room, slowly morphing the scene from afternoon to evening. Tomorrow, we decided, we would call the police.

Eventually, Melanie’s head sank to my shoulder and we both fell asleep.

My dreams were sporadic, because I slept without rest. The only one I remembered was right before I awoke. The picture in my head was mostly fuzzy, but there were definite fireworks, and a cowboy hat, and a face. The face was the only part of the dream that was crystal clear. When I lifted my arms out to him, there was a sudden stabbing pain in my side, but that didn’t keep me from reaching out, even though I felt the knife stabbing me again and again. Over and over.

“Spring, wake up.”

I peeled my eyelids apart, feeling Mel’s sharp fingernail poking my ribs. Through the dim early morning shadows, she was staring at me.

“Julia,” she whispered then pointed at the front door.

I threw my legs off the couch and sat up.

She was standing by the door under the only illuminated light in the room. She wasn’t looking at us, but at whoever was lingering under the threshold, unseen behind the open door. She whispered something then an arm reached out, the front half of Dart’s body coming into view. Silently, he touched her cheek in the gentlest of ways. She tilted her face so he could cup her cheek, whispered something to him, then he left.

After she closed the door, she stared at it, touching the wood with her fingertips. I knew she knew we were there, but she didn’t acknowledge us.

“Are you okay?” I asked, easing to stand. My body ached from having napped in a vertical position.

A few moments passed before Julia turned our way. She appeared unharmed, but she didn’t look fine.

I walked to her, trying not to wince when I noticed the marks on her upper arms. Rage and sorrow spun like a tornado in my stomach. Julia must’ve caught my examination because when I met her eyes, they were brimming with tears, and her lips trembled.

“Jules?” I opened my arms just as she broke into loud sobs. “Shhh.” I rubbed her back as she cried on my shoulder. “It’s over. You’re home.”

She couldn’t talk for a while. I didn’t blame her; it wasn’t a story I was eager to hear. As I waited, I silently surmised that the reason Dart had been with her was because Henry must have told him why Mel and I had suddenly left his house that morning. Then Dart must have taken over and tracked them down.

Whether Dart got there in time, I didn’t know yet. But considering how long Julia and Alex had been alone, as well as the angry red marks ringing her wrists, it did not look good. When the deeper sobbing started, I had my answer, and felt sick.

Julia wept while I held her and listened. “I’m so sorry,” was all I was able to offer. Because I was sorry. It was me who had brought Alex into our lives and I couldn’t help feeling tremendous guilt about that.

We went through three pots of tea but didn’t move from the couch, me on one side of Julia, Mel on the other. After a while, Julia seemed to want to tell us everything, maybe needing to get it out at least once. Terribly unhappy, more than buzzed on peppermint schnapps, she’d left with Alex. She admitted that everything got pretty fuzzy after that, but they did arrive at a cabin a couple of hours later. She’d been drunk but consensual. I said a silent prayer of thanks that nothing more than rough sex had taken place. Knowing Alex’s tendencies, it could have been worse. She did remember that a condom was used, which seemed pretty miraculous. But that was probably just Alex wanting to cover his tracks in case Julia pressed charges. Still, nothing is 100 percent foolproof. Julia would have to be tested. Mel and I promised to be with her when she took the first one.

Julia remembered still being slick with Alex’s sweat when Dart had shown up. He’d rushed straight to her, wrapped her in the bed sheets and carried her to the car. Julia sobbed as she recalled how he’d placed her in the backseat, laid his head on her lap and begged for forgiveness. Mel and I were sobbing, too.

“Dart’s a real hero,” I said, rubbing Julia’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” she said, trying to smile through her wobbly bottom lip.

“How did he know where to find you?” Mel asked, passing Julia a fresh cup of chamomile tea. “And so fast?”

“Henry,” she whispered, her hand trembling as she took the cup.

“Henry, what?” I asked.

She didn’t answer.

“He probably told Dart where the cabin was,” Mel explained logically. “He knew the location because of Cami, right?”

Julia stared down at her cup then took a slow sip.

“Is that what happened?” I asked. “Is that how Dart found you?”

“That’s what I thought at first,” she confirmed. “All I saw was Dart at the cabin. He’s the one who broke through the door and got me out. When he took me to the car, we sat there for a while in the backseat. Maybe twenty minutes later, I realized the car was moving.”

“Who was driving?”

Julia finally looked at me. “Henry.”

“Henry,” I repeated, my mind fuzzy. “He was there, too?”

Julia bit her lip and nodded. “I honestly didn’t realize it was him at first. I was still a little out of it. Dart never left me for a second, and I guess I hadn’t noticed that Henry went inside the cabin after Dart got me out. Alex was still in there. When we stopped for gas an hour later, my purse and clothes were in the front seat. I noticed it then, Spring.”

“Noticed what?”

“Henry’s knuckles,” she whispered. “They were red and—” She broke off. “I have brothers, I know what it looks like after someone has a fight.”

My stomach hit the floor. “They fought?”

Julia shrugged helplessly. “I think so.”

“Is Henry hurt? Do you know what happened?”

Mel reached over the back of the couch behind Julia and touched my shoulder. “I’m sure Henry beat the living hell out of him, babe.”

“Besides his knuckles,” Julia said, “he looked fine. Not a mark on him, I swear, Spring. After he dropped us off, he was heading straight to the airport.”

“What?” I blinked, rising to my feet. “Henry dropped you off here?” I spun around to the front door, thinking that he might materialize from thin air. “Why didn’t he come in?”

When Julia didn’t answer, Mel said, “He probably thought you were asleep.”

“So? He could’ve woke me up.”

“I don’t think he wanted you to know he was with us,” Julia whispered, her voice watery with new tears.

“Why?” I stared at her, then at Mel, then at the wall behind them. No one had an answer.

“Maybe he had to get right back to the ranch,” Mel offered. “I mean, Cami was still there and, ya know…the horses?”

“What?” I gaped at her.

Mel spread her hands. “I don’t know. I’m just talking.”

I couldn’t help exhaling a laugh at Mel’s attempted explanation. “Well, thanks for comparing my needs to that of a horse.”

Mel batted her eyelashes. “It was too easy, babe.”

“Springer, I’m sorry,” Julia said, touching my arm.

“Yeah,” I replied, feeling sullen again. Honestly, I didn’t know what she was apologizing for. For running off and making us worry? For cutting my road trip short? Or was she proxy-apologizing for Henry not coming in to see me? I met her eyes, she looked exhausted and had probably been awake for longer than back-to-back study sessions. And of course, she’d just been through an unspeakable ordeal. “You should go on to bed,” I said.

Julia nodded, gave me a hug that I barely felt, then disappeared up the stairs.

“You can leave, too,” I said to Mel, pressing my fingertips over my eyelids.

“Yeah, not a chance. I’m making blueberry pancakes then we’re getting pedicures. My treat.”

“No, thanks,” I said, trying to smile, but the fatigue of the past day’s events was weighing down my entire body. “Maybe tomorrow. I think I’ll just crash.”

“You sure?”

I nodded. For a few minutes, Mel argued against leaving, but I was resolute, and finally, I was alone.

Too weary to climb two flights, I curled myself into a ball on the couch, trying very hard to fight back the thing creeping its way into my thoughts. Even if he’d assumed I was asleep, why would that stop him from coming in? From seeing me? I scowled at my phone, which was just sitting there, all void of new messages or calls. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my legs, thinking of him, missing him.

That glorious Fourth of July, as Henry and I curled around each other, no official words were declared, no tender confessions divulged. I’d chosen instead to let my actions speak. I thought he felt, knew what I didn’t know how to say.

But he hadn’t come inside my house. Why?

He’d done this wonderful, magnanimous service to my little college family, and then disappeared. Not calling attention to himself, simply providing a service that only he could.

Spring, I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Those had been his last words to me. But what did they mean?

As I sat in the dark living room, watching shadows on the walls, it was almost too easy, too obvious to realize I was in love with him, and probably had been for a very long time. Being in love felt different than I thought it would. I wasn’t giving up a part of me or sacrificing what I thought I was in order to love him. I’d gained, I’d unfolded…evolved.

This made me smile; in fact, I almost laughed, but my smile broke when I realized there would be no more study sessions at the library, no more vacation trips to Washington, and no more surprise run-ins at his family’s house.

Was there anything left?