Count Your Lucky Stars: A Novel

Margot’s hand slipped under Olivia’s sweater, thumbs skimming the skin of Olivia’s waist then brushing the very bottom of her rib cage, making her shiver. A muffled moan escaped her parted lips because, God, it had been years since a kiss had made Olivia feel this way, this hot, this achy, this desperate and out of control like she had to have more. Not a want but a need, up there with breathing.

Palms dragging against Olivia’s skin, Margot squeezed her hips and pulled her closer until their knees bumped, and Olivia was forced to clutch at Margot’s shoulders for balance. Margot tore her mouth from Olivia’s, lips skimming over her chin, her jaw, trailing kisses to the sensitive patch of skin right beneath her ear, making Olivia shiver and squirm atop the couch, her nails biting into Margot’s sweater.

Olivia swallowed hard, breath coming in fast, shallow pants. “Should we—should we talk about this?”

“You want to talk?” Margot nipped the lobe of Olivia’s ear, and she whimpered. “Right now?”

Margot pressed a kiss to the hinge of Olivia’s jaw, tongue darting out to taste her skin.

“I don’t—um.” Olivia’s breath shuddered from between her lips. “Maybe?”

This felt like something they should address. Something they should talk about. Make sure they were both on the same page. But it was so hard to think with Margot touching her, Margot’s mouth on her neck, fingers grazing the skin of her stomach, thumbs flirting with the underwire of her bra before dragging down, down, down, and slipping beneath the waist of her skirt, teasing as they dipped under the lace band of her panties. Close.

“I can talk,” Margot whispered against her skin, nose sliding along Olivia’s jaw. “I can tell you about how last night, I got myself off thinking about spreading your thighs and taking you apart with my tongue. How wet I got remembering how you taste and how when I slipped my fingers inside myself I pretended they were yours.” Margot’s right hand slid out from under Olivia’s cardigan and ghosted over Olivia’s wrist, where her pulse stuttered and sped, tangling their fingers together. Margot’s thumb brushed the back of Olivia’s hand, a gentle sweep along the back of her knuckles. Olivia’s breath caught in the back of her throat. “I can tell you about how hard I came, clenching around my fingers, thinking about how I made you soak your sheets.”

“Fuck,” Olivia whimpered, pulse throbbing between her legs, heavy and insistent.

Margot’s lips curved, a hot puff of air escaping, damp against Olivia’s neck. “Want me to keep talking?”

This was so far from the talking Olivia had meant, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind. Not when Margot was whispering hot and dirty in her ear.

“Please,” Olivia murmured.

Margot hummed, fingers of the hand still beneath Olivia’s cardigan sliding higher, curving around the side of Olivia’s body, over her ribs, brushing the bottom of her breast. Margot’s thumb grazed Olivia’s nipple through the thin lace of her bra. Her teeth nipped at Olivia’s ear at the same time as she pinched her nipple, making Olivia gasp, her thighs clenching together. “Is this okay?”

She pinched harder and Olivia whined, squirming. Olivia lifted a trembling hand from Margot’s shoulder and tangled it in her hair.

“God, yes.” She panted. “Please. Don’t stop. Keep talking.”

“You’re so soft, Liv,” Margot whispered, hand still cupping Olivia’s breast. “And you’re wearing too many clothes.”

“Yeah?”

Both Margot’s brows rose as she leaned back, fingers drawing teasing circles over Olivia’s lace-covered skin, causing Olivia to openly shiver. The corners of Margot’s mouth curled in obvious delight. “Yeah.” Her tongue darted, wetting her bottom lip, and her dark eyes swept over Olivia’s face, a flash of something that looked like insecurity flickering within them. “Do you want to go to my room?”

Olivia’s tongue was thick, stuck to the roof of her mouth. “Yeah. Yes.”

One hundred percent, absolutely, unequivocally yes.

A shy smile tugged at the corners of Margot’s mouth, her face flushed pink. “I had my annual appointment last month. Everything came back negative, and I haven’t been with anyone since.”

Olivia’s heart thudded hard against her sternum. “Um, same. I mean, not last month. I got tested after . . . you know.” She didn’t want to talk about Brad right now. “And I haven’t been with anyone since, either.”

If Margot thought it was strange that she hadn’t slept with anyone since Brad, she didn’t say. Fingers still laced with Olivia’s, Margot helped her off the couch, letting go to steady her when she swayed softly, legs wobbly and knees weak. Margot’s hands slipped under Olivia’s cardigan, fingers curling around her hips, pressing close, walking Olivia backward.

“Keep talking,” Olivia whispered.

Margot crowded Olivia, pressing her back against the hallway wall. Margot’s breath puffed against her mouth, a prelude to the tender brush of her lips.

“You want to know what I want to do to you?” Margot whispered against Olivia’s mouth, one hand sliding out from Olivia’s sweater to cradle the side of her neck, Margot’s thumb brushing against Olivia’s chin, skimming the front of her throat.

Olivia’s whole body prickled with heat. “Mm-hmm.”

Margot crowded closer, brushing her lips along Olivia’s jaw, tracing the path her fingers had just made, only with her lips. Margot’s tongue darted out, licking the hollow above Olivia’s collarbone, teeth gently scraping her skin, making her shudder. Olivia’s head fell to the side as she bared her neck.

“God, Liv.” The hand on Olivia’s hip inched lower, sliding beneath the waist of her skirt and between Olivia’s thighs, cupping her over the damp lace of her underwear. “You have no idea how badly I want to put my mouth on you. No idea.” Margot nuzzled at the side of Olivia’s throat, whimpering softly. “Jesus, just the thought of you riding my tongue has me fucking soaked, Liv.”

“Please.” Hips canting into Margot’s hand, Olivia sought friction, something. “Touch me.”

Margot’s hand slid higher, fingers slipping beneath the lace of Olivia’s underwear and lower, sliding over Olivia’s trimmed curls, fingertips circling her clit, making the muscles in Olivia’s stomach jump. “Like this?”

Olivia clutched at Margot’s upper arms and arched into her touch, hips dancing, back bowing away from the wall.

“More,” she rasped.

Lips dragging up Olivia’s throat, Margot slid her fingers down Olivia’s slit. A hiss escaped Margot’s mouth. “Fuck, you’re dripping.”

Two fingers sank inside her with ease, and Olivia clenched around them, heat unspooling slowly inside her belly when Margot crooked them forward. What started as a slow drag quickly stole the air from Olivia’s lungs as Margot’s fingers sped, pressing hard and fast.

Olivia’s thighs trembled, her hands sliding down Margot’s arms to curl around her elbows, clutching hard, feeling shaky, like she was going to fly apart, like she wasn’t quite sure where she’d land. “Fuck.”

Margot laughed, breath damp and hot against the side of Olivia’s neck. “You’re so pretty like this. Shaking and desperate.” Her teeth nipped at the sensitive skin of Olivia’s earlobe, drawing a high whine from the back of Olivia’s throat. “And so wet. You’re dripping down the back of my hand, Liv.”

Her face burned, heat rising to the surface of her skin at the slick sounds coming from between her thighs each time Margot curled her fingers. “Please.”

Margot pressed a kiss to the side of Olivia’s jaw, sucking at her skin. She ground the heel of her hand against Olivia’s clit and—Olivia’s knees buckled, unable to support her weight, the pleasure too sharp, too good, her legs too weak to withstand it and hold her upright.

Margot caught her around the waist and laughed. “You’re so sensitive. I forgot.”

Olivia dropped her head forward, burying her face and muffling her whimper against Margot’s neck. “I was so close.”

“Shh.” One hand stroked the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair, Margot’s short nails raking gently against her scalp. “I’ll get you there.”

Of that, Olivia had no doubt.

Other than Margot, Olivia had only been with Brad, and he had never asked what she wanted, had never seemed to care. Sex with Brad hadn’t been bad, sometimes it had actually been good or something close enough, but what she wanted, her pleasure, had never been his primary concern. It had definitely never been the objective, and she wasn’t stupid—she knew that was wrong and not fair and sure as hell problematic, but there were only so many times she could move his hand, literally place his fingers where she needed them, before she gave up, trying more trouble than it was worth.

Talking about it hadn’t worked; all Brad had done was look bruised before snapping that there was nothing wrong with the way he fucked her, that it had worked just fine for other girls, implying that there was something wrong with her. It had probably never even crossed his mind that just fine was a sad, sad bar.

Sex with Margot was different. Margot had actually cared if Olivia got off, cared about what she liked, gave her what she wanted. Getting off hadn’t seemed to be Margot’s primary concern. Getting Olivia off—several times—seemed to have been what Margot cared about most.

There wasn’t a doubt in Olivia’s mind that Margot would get her there, probably more than once.

Margot tugged on Olivia’s hair gently, drawing her head back until they were face-to-face. Margot’s cheeks were flushed pink, the tips of her ears a fiery shade of red, undoubtedly hot to the touch. Eyes bright, Margot trapped her lower lip between her teeth and smiled. “Bed?”

Yes. Olivia bobbed her head. “Bed.”

Hands biting into the curve of Olivia’s waist, Margot herded her further down the hall, reaching around her for the doorknob, nudging her into Margot’s bedroom, where it was dark. Margot flipped the light switch, bathing the room in an amber glow. Her hands returned, ushering Olivia deeper into the room until the backs of her knees hit the mattress and she tumbled down, bouncing softly. Margot followed her, bracketing her with a hand on either side of her head, caging her in with her body as her mouth descended, crashing down on Olivia’s, making her head spin.

Just when Olivia’s lungs started to burn, needing air but not wanting this to end, Margot drew back, leaving a trail of kisses down the front of Olivia’s throat. Like she couldn’t get enough.

Margot smiled against Olivia’s skin and tugged at the hem of her sweater. “Help me get you naked.”

Shoulders pressed to the mattress, Olivia arched her back. Hands neither coordinated nor graceful, they managed to rid her of her sweater. Margot’s lips twitched, one finger flicking the tiny decorative gold bell between the floral lace cups of her bra. “Nice.”

Olivia laughed. “Shut up.”

Hands pressed against Olivia’s shoulders, Margot urged her to lie back. She followed Olivia down, mouth fastened to her neck, sucking a mark against the side of Olivia’s throat.

“I didn’t say I don’t like it.” Margot kissed away the sting and smiled. “It’s pretty. I just think I’d like it better on my floor.”

Margot moved lower, lips scraping the surprisingly sensitive patch of skin drawn taut over Olivia’s collarbone, and lower still, skimming the swell of her breasts. One of her hands slid up Olivia’s back, short nails dragging along her spine on the way to the clasp of her bra, nimble fingers separating the hooks and eyes expertly.

Margot’s fingertips tickled the backs of her arms as she dragged the straps downward, tossing Olivia’s bra across the room. The air inside the apartment was warm, and her blood must’ve been about a million degrees, but something about having Margot’s eyes on her made her skin prickle.

Margot’s hair trailed across Olivia’s flushed skin as she ducked her head, lips fastening to the peak of Olivia’s right breast. A keen escaped Olivia’s lips as she threw her head back against the pillow, eyes scrunching shut as Margot’s tongue laved her skin.

Olivia’s hands scrambled against Margot’s back, squeezing, slipping beneath the hem of her sweater and dragging it upward, nails digging into the skin beneath her bra strap when Margot’s teeth scraped against her nipple. Her hands shook and her back bowed, hips bucking as Margot walked her fingers down the center of Olivia’s stomach, finding the zipper at the side of her skirt. The sound of the zipper’s teeth was loud as Margot lowered it, fabric falling apart, air cool against the side of Olivia’s hip and upper thigh.

She lifted her hips so Margot could slip the skirt down her legs and over her feet before dropping it to the floor. A ragged whimper escaped her lips. “Please.”

Margot’s lips were red and wet, and her cheeks were full of color, her eyes dark and bright. “Please what?”

She tugged at the hem of Margot’s sweater. “Touch me.”

Margot’s fingers skimmed Olivia’s sides. “I am.”

Olivia bucked her hips. “Margot.”

Margot surged forward, mouth covering Olivia’s as she ran her hands up the inside of Olivia’s legs, stopping at the crease of her thighs, fingers making maddening little swirls against the edge of her underwear. Teasing. Jesus. Olivia buried her hands in Margot’s hair, nails scraping her scalp as she rolled her hips.

Margot’s fingers hooked around the crotch of her panties, tugging them to the side, and God, Olivia was going to faint, she knew she was. It was going to happen, an inevitability, the tension too much, the lace of her underwear biting against the crease of her thigh, the air cool against her where she was hot and aching, riding the edge of desperation, her body still strung tight from almost coming in the hall.

All of it was too much, and yet somehow, not enough. It was maddening, the way Margot’s other hand stroked a circuit from her knee to her hip. Finally, finally Margot took mercy on her, fingers brushing her clit and sliding through her folds, making her whole body jolt, just as sensitive as Margot had said.

“Fuck,” Margot muttered, and Olivia was pretty sure that was her line, because Jesus.

She exhaled harshly and stared up at the ceiling where a faint crack shot through the plaster.

“What do you want, Liv?” Margot pressed a wet kiss just above her hip bone.

Articulating her desires was kind of beyond the realm of possibility at this point. She moaned instead.

“Just tell me what you want.” Margot kissed her again, a little lower. “Tell me and I—whatever you need, Liv, just tell me and I’ll give it to you.” She sounded wrecked. “I want to give it to you.”

“You.”

Margot nuzzled the crease where her leg met her body, her hands wrapping around Olivia’s thighs as she settled between her spread legs. “You want my mouth?”

Olivia opened her mouth to answer in an affirmative, but her simple yeah died a sudden death in the back of her throat as Margot ran the flat of her tongue up Olivia’s center.

Good was an understatement. Her back bowed, nearly jackknifing off the mattress. A shudder wracked her body, her fingers curling, and her nails biting into the bedspread beneath her when the tip of Margot’s tongue flicked against her clit.

A jumble of nonsense sounds spilled from her lips as Margot made her thighs quake and her body tremble like a plucked string, two fingers crooking up inside her, that brilliant tongue lapping at her gently.

Close. She just needed a little more. She scrunched her eyes shut and slid her hand down her belly, fingers making fast and firm circles over her clit the way she liked best.

Wet heat engulfed her fingertips as Margot’s tongue ran between her fingers, sucking them between her lips. Olivia pried her eyes open, breath catching in her throat as she glanced down. Even though Olivia was the one shaking and a breath away from falling apart, Margot’s pupils were blown wide, only a thin ring of dark brown iris remaining. Her tongue, shiny and pink, was wrapped around two of Olivia’s fingers.

Margot’s teeth nipped at Olivia’s fingertips before she nudged her hand aside.

Desperation drew a groan from her lips. “I’m so close.”

“You want to come?” Margot continued to fuck Olivia with her fingers.

Olivia nodded, breath escaping her in shallow pants. “Uh-huh.”

Margot curled her fingers hard and Olivia’s muscles went taut. “Beg me for it.”

Heat pooled between her thighs, her body burning, face on fire as the sound of Margot’s fingers sliding into her grew louder, bordering on obscene. “Please.”

“I know you can do better than that, Liv.” Margot chuckled, tongue darting out, giving a quick kitten lick to her clit.

Olivia whimpered. “Please. Fuck. Margot. Please don’t stop. Please, please, please—”

Margot’s lips wrapped around her clit and sucked, tongue flicking hard and fast against the bundle of nerves.

It hit Olivia like a lightning strike down her spine, ripples of pleasure curling her toes and snatching the air from her lungs, the pleasure so sharp, so good it hurt. Her back bowed against the bed, her eyes snapping shut as she shook, coming apart at the seams.

Margot didn’t let up. If anything, she doubled down, fingers curling a little faster, a little firmer, pressing against the spot inside her that she could never seem to reach by herself.

Olivia crunched forward, legs drawing up reflexively, fingers tangling in Margot’s hair. “I—I can’t—”

Before Olivia could finish telling Margot that it was too much, too good, that there was no way, she couldn’t, Margot nudged her over the edge for a second time.

Her first inhale almost hurt, chest stinging as everything between her thighs continued to pulse in time with her heartbeat. Margot gentled, fingers no longer curling and thrusting, instead giving Olivia something to clench around as she came back to Earth. Tiny aftershocks made her tremble, and Margot’s kisses turned into soft little licks as opposed to precise swipes.

The spots behind her lids disappeared as Olivia’s breath evened out, her heart rate returning to normal, no longer frenzied like it was trying to escape through the wall of her chest.

Slowly, she pried her eyes open, blinking as the room came into view, reminding her that while it might have felt like Margot had sent her to outer space, she hadn’t. Not literally, at least.

Margot had her chin resting on the soft swell beneath Olivia’s belly button, her fingers tracing idle abstract shapes on the skin of her stomach and hips, little circles and lines that made Olivia shiver and—those weren’t abstract shapes, they were letters. An O, an M, a heart. Margot drew their initials, re-creating the doodles she’d once drawn in the margins of the notes they used to pass in class.

Olivia’s heart squeezed.

Margot was watching her, eyes so dark they almost appeared black, her smile a dizzying combination of fond and smug, and it made Olivia’s core clench even though she was the dictionary definition of spent. She reached down and with shaking fingers tucked an errant strand of hair behind Margot’s ear.

“Good?” Margot asked, turning her head, lips skimming the inside of Olivia’s wrist.

A laugh escaped her. “Understatement.”

Margot dropped her hand and sat up on her knees, reaching for the hem of her sweater and dragging it up and over her head.

Olivia rested her weight on her elbows. “Come here.”

Margot balled her sweater up and tossed it on the floor before crawling closer, knees bracketing Olivia’s hips as she dipped her head, kissing Olivia softly. Tempted by the new skin available to her, Olivia gripped Margot’s waist. She was hot and felt like silk under Olivia’s fingertips.

Olivia dropped her hands to the button of Margot’s jeans, then lowered the zipper. Margot broke the kiss, smile going crooked, almost shy as she leaned back, shimmying both her tight jeans and underwear down her thighs, leaving them in a heap beside the bed.

And Margot had called her pretty.

She was all smooth, pale skin and dark hair, black ink winding up the side of her hip, accentuating her curves and—Olivia’s breath caught in her throat. Wrapped around Margot’s wrist was her faded, frayed friendship bracelet, the one Olivia had held on to for the years, the one Margot had plucked from Olivia’s keepsake box. She was still wearing it, and now, not much else.

A pretty pink flush crept up Margot’s chest when she wrapped her fingers around Olivia’s left wrist, sliding it down her stomach, guiding Olivia’s hand between her legs. The curls between her thighs were dark and glistening with arousal, her inner thighs damp. Margot dragged Olivia’s fingers through her wetness, a tiny gasp escaping her lips as their fingers brushed her swollen clit.

For a moment, Margot was all soft sighs and circling hips, bitten-off whimpers and throaty moans, her eyes slipping shut as she rocked against Olivia’s hand. Despite having come twice, want prickled low in Olivia’s belly. The sight of Margot with her head thrown back, undulating over Olivia’s hips, her wetness coating Olivia’s fingers, was enough to make her want more.

“Come here,” Olivia repeated, tugging Margot closer, one hand on her hip.

Margot leaned forward, hair spilling around her face.

“No.” Olivia wrapped both hands around Margot’s thighs and wiggled a little further down the bed until she was completely flat, save for the pillow beneath her head. She licked her lips and craned her neck slightly, raising up and meeting Margot’s eyes. Olivia arched both brows. “Up here.”

Margot’s jaw fell open. “You want me to . . .”

Olivia nodded, heart hammering in her throat. “Mm-hmm.”

That endearing shade of red crept higher now, up Margot’s throat and along her jaw. Even the tips of her ears turned neon. “Oh. Fuck.” Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. “Okay. Just . . . gimme a sec.”

Careful of her where her limbs were, Margot crawled higher up the bed, higher up Olivia’s body, until her knees bracketed Olivia’s head. Margot curled her fingers around the headboard, holding herself up, and straddled Olivia’s face.

Olivia wrapped her hands around the backs of Margot’s thighs and drew her closer, lower, breathing her in, before turning her head and pressing a kiss to the inside of Margot’s trembling thigh.

Margot’s breath stuttered from between her lips. “Pinch me if you need to breathe or—fuck.”

Olivia ran her tongue up the center of Margot’s slit all the way up to her clit, moaning softly at her taste. Margot’s body jerked, hips pressing down, rocking against Olivia’s mouth.

“Fuck.” Margot panted.

Olivia smiled at the stuttered, labored breaths escaping Margot. She lapped at Margot’s clit, long strokes with the flat of her tongue, before gaining speed, flicking faster with the tip.

Margot’s arms trembled as she clutched at the headboard. “Inside.”

Fingers squeezing Margot’s ass, Olivia dragged her tongue down to Margot’s entrance, slipping inside, but just barely.

Sliding a hand between Margot’s thighs, Olivia ran her fingers down Margot’s slit, pushing two inside with ease, her own core clenching when Margot fluttered around her, a choked-off whimper falling from her lips.

A mottled flush crept up Margot’s neck as she panted into the quiet of the room. Her thighs trembled as she rode Olivia’s face, head flung back and spine arched. Her breasts swayed, dark hair swishing against her neck as she bit her bottom lip, turning it red. Margot’s flush spread down her chest, even her stomach and the skin of her inner thighs turning a peachy shade of pink.

Sweat dampened the space between her breasts, and the air was thick with the scent of her arousal. All Olivia could smell was sex, sweet and musky and so perfect. She worked her fingers a little faster and wrapped her lips around Margot’s clit, sucking hard. Margot keened, body shaking, clenching hard around Olivia’s fingers as she fractured.

Margot slumped over, falling against the bed face-first with a frazzled laugh, their limbs jumbled, one of Margot’s legs draped across Olivia’s torso, Olivia’s arm wedged beneath Margot’s body.

Margot’s skin was tacky, damp with sweat, her hair halfway in her face as she lay spent. Olivia’s heart stuttered. She’d done that. Turned Margot into a soft and messy thing, loose-limbed and satisfied. Undone and all the more beautiful for it.

Margot’s breathing slowed, and she lifted her head, her eyes opening a fraction. “Hi.”

Olivia smiled, heart floating up like a helium balloon, rising into her throat. “Hey.”

Margot rose up onto her hands and flipped over, staring up at the ceiling. A ghost of a smile graced her lips. “That was . . .” Her brows rose. “Wow.”

“Wow,” Olivia echoed in agreement, laughing softly. Sweat began to cool on her skin and she sat forward, looking for a blanket, a sheet, something to cover up with.

On the other side of the bed, Margot stood and stretched, arms rising over her head, back popping. She bent down and swiped her sweater off the floor, slipping it over her head, flipping the ends of her hair free from the collar.

Olivia frowned. Margot didn’t so much as look her way once as she gathered the rest of her clothing off the floor. She slipped her underwear up her legs and tossed her jeans into the laundry basket beside her closet before crossing her arms, wobbling as she scratched the back of her calf with her opposite foot, still avoiding Olivia’s eyes.

“So.” Margot cleared her throat. “This was fun.”

Olivia nodded. “Yeah.”

“We should, um, do it again sometime.” Margot gave a sharp, decisive nod, her eyes flickering over to Olivia’s before she looked away. “If you want.”

Olivia held her breath, waiting for her to say something else. Something . . . more. Anything, really. Proof that this meant as much to Margot as it did to her. That it wasn’t just scratching an itch, sating the absurd sexual tension that had simmered between them since she’d moved in.

Silence stretched between them and the back of her throat ached.

God, Olivia was so stupid. Getting her hopes up . . . over what? Sex? She should’ve learned her lesson the first time. That sex didn’t mean everything, didn’t necessarily mean anything. Eleven years later and she was none the wiser, repeating history.

Margot didn’t want her, not all of her. And Olivia couldn’t even be angry. Margot hadn’t promised her anything. Olivia had just assumed. And she couldn’t say anything. Margot was her roommate, they lived together, and Olivia was planning her best friend’s wedding. All complications that should’ve kept her out of Margot’s bed, but Olivia had wanted her so desperately she’d thrown herself at Margot, thinking—

Wrong. She’d thought wrong, and now she had to suck it up.

She needed this wedding to pan out. She needed this apartment. She—God . . . she wanted Margot.

She knew what it was like, not having Margot in her life. She’d lived that and—she didn’t want to go back, didn’t want to go through that again. Olivia refused to erase the progress they’d made, sacrifice their friendship all because what? Because she couldn’t have everything she wanted?

Everything she wanted. Olivia swallowed hard. Now that was a fairy tale. No one ever got everything they wanted, certainly not her, at least not in her experience.

She couldn’t have everything, but maybe she could still have this. Margot as a friend, maybe something more, and maybe one day—

No, Olivia wouldn’t indulge that desire. If she let it blossom, bloom, she’d get her hopes up and . . . this was good. This could be enough. She could be happy.

Something with Margot would always be better than nothing.