novelxo Coast to Coast: Chapter 25
Simon ate me out and fucked me in the shower before washing my body like the tender, loving person he is. I had only ever known his playful side before and I was enjoying getting to know this different side of him—Simon Murray as a lover instead of a friend.
The only problem is, he wants more—and I’m not sure I can give him that.
I know what will happen in the end. Not all of us are as lucky as Olivia and Sterling. We don’t all get a happily ever after that is wrapped neatly with a pretty bow. Simon is graduating next year, while I’ll still be in college. He’ll be going to the NHL, and who knows what the hell I’ll be doing.
I have an entire life I am building in California and Simon has his in Vermont. Something like that would never actually work. Long distance isn’t my thing. Hell, I couldn’t even do short distance with Trey. After that failed relationship, I’m a little jaded.
Do I think that Simon is going to do me dirty and sleep around behind my back? Not necessarily. But at the same time I think I would be a fool to believe that no one would do something like that. When you’re too busy falling in love with someone, it’s easy to be blind to the bad shit that is happening around you.
“Stella, this is Alex and Liam,” Simon says as he introduces me to two of the guys from the hockey camp. There’s a huge group of them here, but Alex and Liam are the two who greet us when we arrive at some dive bar called Jim’s.
“It’s nice to meet you both,” I tell them, smiling as I shake their hands. “Where are you both from?”
“I’m from Seattle,” Alex tells me, winking. “Simon tells me you live on the West Coast. You know, California isn’t that far from Washington.”
Simon possessively wraps his arm around my lower back, pulling me flush against his side. “Fuck off, Alex,” he growls at him, practically snarling. “She’s mine.”
“You said she’s just a friend, though…”
For some reason, hearing him say that stings, but I swallow back the feeling and shake my head at the two of them, forcing out a laugh. “Both of you, calm down. Sorry, Alex, but Simon is right. I’m already spoken for.”
I can feel him relax against me and he presses his lips to my temple. “Thank you,” he murmurs against my skin.
Liam clears his throat. “I’m from Michigan,” he offers, shrugging as everyone turns to look at him. “What? She asked and you all looked like you needed a diversion.”
I smile at him, laughing quietly. “I like you. You’re smart.”
Liam winks at me. “Who wants shots?”
Simon’s body goes rigid against mine and he abruptly turns to face me as his friends disappear toward the bar. “Fuck, Stella. I’m a goddamn idiot. I didn’t even think about coming to a bar… I just wanted them to meet you and I forget sometimes about the drinking, you know?’ He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and I can see the turmoil on his face. “We can leave.”
“Simon, stop,” I tell him as I cup the sides of his face. His eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “I am fine.”
“Are you sure?” Simon’s eyes continue to desperately search mine, his expression soft and gentle. “None of these guys matter. Only you do, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
Lifting up on my tiptoes, I press my lips to his before pulling away. “I promise I’m fine. Let’s get back to your friends?”
Simon’s throat bobs as he swallows hard and nods. “Okay,” he practically whispers. I pull my hands away from his face and he slides his fingers through mine before we head back over to the bar. There’s one empty seat and Simon lifts me up into it before he moves behind me, wrapping his arms around me as he holds me close.
“Are you going to come to the tournament games?” Liam questions me as he hands me a water and Simon the beer he ordered.
I smile at him. “I wouldn’t miss them.”
Simon has managed to keep hockey separate from me while we’ve been here but I know he would want me to be there. The way he holds me a little tighter after I say that lets me know how much he does. It’s a chance for me to see him in action and watch him do what he loves. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to pass up that opportunity.
We spend the rest of the night with the guys and they are exactly as I imagined. It’s funny how predictable hockey teams are. There always seems to be the playboy who likes to test the limits, which would be Alex. The goofy one who is just kind of floating through life, in this case Liam. There’s always a grumpy one, who is another player I was introduced to earlier named Victor. And there’s the sweet, golden retriever—Simon.
There’s always a few others that fit the same description or have similar qualities. These were the only ones who I remembered after meeting so many different guys from the camp. And Simon made it a point to make sure that each and every one knew I was completely off-limits.
It warmed my heart, the way he was protective and possessive, but it also clouded my thoughts. I was lost in my own head most of the night, even though no one seemed to notice. I could tell by the way Simon looked at me as he slowly sipped the single beer he ordered for the night—he knew what was going on.
He knew I was running through every scenario of how this could possibly work.
And I’m sure he knows that there’s no way it ever will.
Our lives are just far too different. What am I supposed to do? Up and leave college when he gets drafted into the NHL? Give up everything that I have been working for, for myself to be with him? I’m only now just figuring out who I am. I can’t lose that to become an extension of Simon.
I need to be my own person.
And I’m going to have to break his heart in order to do that.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Simon questions me as we step through the door of our Airbnb. “I know you, Stella. I’ve watched the wheels turning in your mind all night, even with everything going on around us. What’s going on?”
I swallow roughly as I keep my back to him and head over to the dresser that has my clothes. “I think I need to head back to California.”
The air in the studio apartment grows thick with tension and Simon is completely silent, it’s almost as if he isn’t here. I pull a change of clothing out before I turn around to face him. He’s standing in place like a statue with his eyes on me.
“Why?”
“I’ve run through literally every scenario in my head and it just doesn’t work. We’re only kidding ourselves and remember, it was just supposed to last for the summer.” I pause while trying to push through the emotion that is building inside me. “Summer is almost over.”
Simon doesn’t say a word, he just stares at me. I watch as a shadow passes over his expression and suddenly, he’s headed directly toward me. My body is frozen and I can’t get my brain to work quick enough to tell my feet that they need to move.
He enters my space, his hands cupping the sides of my face as he tilts my head back. He drains the oxygen from the room and I feel like I can’t fucking breathe. Can’t think. I need the space, but I don’t want him to give it to me. Tears prick the corners of my eyes and I can’t even fight against them as they begin to spill over.
“Tell me you don’t feel this between us, angel,” he breathes, his voice strained. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me I’ve been imagining this the entire fucking time, then I will let you go. I’ll let you walk out of that goddamn door and my life and I won’t try to stop you.”
My lips part but he shakes his head as he brushes his finger across my mouth to let me know he isn’t finished.
“But if you can’t, I can’t let you go, Stella. I will never give up on you and us being together. I’ll follow you coast to coast, country to country, to the ends of the fucking universe. I don’t give a fuck what it takes, but I will make you mine.”
My breath is caught in my throat and my heart skips a beat as it tries to keep up with the demand of the emotions rushing through my system.
“Tell. Me.”
I shake my head, pulling my gaze from his as I look past him. “I can’t, Simon. I can’t fucking tell you that because I do feel this. I feel all of it and it scares the shit out of me.”
“Don’t try to run away from me, angel,” he says softly. “You’ll never be able to outrun me.”
“It will never work,” I tell him, not giving up my stance on the issue. “You have your life and I have mine.”
“What is there for you in California anymore? A douchebag ex-boyfriend and the friend who fucked him behind your back?” Simon shakes his head. “Leave it all behind and be with me.”
My eyebrows tug together. “Do you hear what you’re asking of me? You want me to give everything up and just live the life you’re living.”
“No, not at all. If you want to go back to California and stay there, fine. But I told you, I will follow you wherever you go.”
“You’re not giving up what you have in Vermont for me, Simon,” I tell him with an edge in my voice. He’s being irrational, unreasonable, and absolutely insane. “Don’t be stupid about this.”
“I’m not,” he argues. “There are hockey rinks all over the world; there’s only one of you.”
I stare at him as my heart pounds against my ribcage. “Why are you making this so goddamn hard for me right now?”
A smile pulls on the corners of his lips.
“Because you’re mine, Stella. And I’m never giving you up.”