Chasing The Broken CEO

"Perhaps someone wanted to apologize to you that's why you received that kind of flowers today. Did someone argue with you at work or might have upset you, sweetheart?"

I shook my head. No one's even trying to talk to me in the office except Jameson and the judges I am working with. Some of the legal stenographers working in the same office do not want to interact with me simply because they think that I am way too uptight... Sometimes, I am hearing them whispering and their topic was no other than me. They are saying that I am grumpy and snobbish. It's fine with me though. I don't deal with it. In fact, it doesn't bother me anymore. Whatever they say about me or even whatever I hear, I do not care anymore. The truth is, I do not want to be friends with them too. I do not want people to see my weaknesses and then use it to burn me big time eventually. For me, it is alright to have Chandria, my grandma Helga, Jameson and my parents. These are only the people I trust the most, and I can live with a few people in my life.

"Did you know who probably sent it?"

"I don't know, grandma." I replied and just read the birthday card again.

Whoever sent these flowers to me, one thing is for sure... that person doesn't want to tell his or her name. I am not dumb to believe that someone has a name of vnedjs. That person might be power tripping me for all I know.

"Oh, anyway! There are men from the other city who also sent you some flowers and wanted to greet you. I think I saw a bouquet from the son of our city mayor too." grandma added happily.

She is still smiling as if she wants me to choose which flowers I would like to keep as if I am also choosing which man I would allow to court me or I want to give a chance.

"I only want this white tulips, grandma Helga. I will keep this and will display it inside my room," I said and then turned on my gaze on the other flowers. "You can do what you want on the other flowers. I am afraid my room won't have enough space for all of them so I am only keeping this one."

"I got it and no problem, sweetheart!"

I looked at my grandmother. She only smiled sweetly at me.

"I will just go upstairs grandma, so I can get dressed for dinner."

"Sure thing, Nathalie. You can take a rest too while waiting for the food to be served."

"Thank you, grandma..."

I excused myself and then went upstairs. I went inside my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked at the bouquet of white tulips and touched one of its petals carefully. How strange. There is something in these flowers that makes me feel the warmth, even though the chosen color was wrong. I leaned in and smelled it once again.

"Whoever you are, I want to say thank you..." I whispered softly.

It has been a long time but I managed to flash a smile while staring at the flowers carefully.

***

I took a bath and get dressed for our dinner. I can hear the loud voices of my best friend and grandmother even from here. It appears that they are really having fun while baking a cake together.

I wore a black racer back top and a denim shorts. I stood up in front of my vanity mirror and checked my physical appearance. I am still pale just like my normal days.I sighed and licked my lower lip, then I combed my hair. I went out of my room when I feel like I am already presentable.

I walked downstairs and can still hear the loud voices of my family. Everything is already prepared when I went to the dining room. The chandelier's lights are shining brightly. The food that they served looked very delicious and smells nicely that I already hear my stomach groaning as I feel so hungry. I just realized that I didn't eat anything at work earlier because I got too busy with the two court hearing I had to attend to.

"Nathalie!" Chandria called my name happily.

She walked directly to me and dragged me in the center of the long table where the food are served. I noticed that all our house maids, security guards, gardener and grandma's nurse are here to celebrate with us. They are all looking at me with smiles on their faces.

The Red Velvet cake baked by Chandria and grandma is also ready. It has twenty-four pink candles on top. I stared at it as my grandmother started to light the candles one by one.

Chandria started to sing a happy birthday song for me. She's clapping her hands in rhythm and then grandma joined her and sang too until all the people here sang for me in chorus. They are all happy. I looked around and all of them are smiling at me.

I looked at the pink candles again. I gasped as the little fires on these candles is enticing me. It's like it is triggering the emotion I already caged in the deepest space of my heart.

I suddenly remember my loving parents. This will be my first ever birthday without them by my side. This is also my first birthday wherein there is no grand celebration, there is no rich people that I should thank and talk to. There is no need for pretension at all.

But then, if only my parents are here... if only they are here with me on this supposed special day... I think I would be able to smile widely on this day... But they aren't here... I can't even be with them...

My tears started to fall as I continued to stare at the candles. In just a snap, I felt the familiar sadness again.

That familiar sadness of a child who longs for her parents... who wants them to stay beside her no matter how she tries to abandon them. That familiar sadness of a child who choose to turn her back on her parents instead of helping them. That familiar sadness I felt when I decided to leave them and ran away as the thought of seeing my parents suffocated me. That familiar sadness wherein the unwanted event replays in my mind, breaking me into pieces... killing me slowly. That familiar sadness that keeps me drowning miserably.

I continued to stare at those little fires and without even knowing, I just realized that I am already holding my breath as the familiar face of a man suddenly flashed in my mind. I gasped abruptly and wiped my tears away. They finished singing the happy birthday song and watched me carefully. I can feel that my grandma and Chandria are now worried at me. "Sweetheart..."

"T-Thank you for preparing a simple celebration for me..." I only said and then leaned down so I can blow the candles.

I felt the familiar pain inside my chest. Why did I see that face?

"Hey, babe. Are you alright?" Chandria asked me.

I looked at her and saw the worry in her eyes.

"I am..." I lied.

I am not...

"Hush now, sweetheart. You should not be crying at this time. You're supposed to be happy because it's your birthday! You deserve to be happy, got that?" my grandmother added, with the same worry evident in her eyes. "I know... I just remember my parents, grandma Helga," I let out a heavy sigh and tried to smile at them.

But then, I can't really pretend that much. My smile has gone immediately as I know that I can't fool myself anymore. I can't smile knowing I am not that happy. I gazed at Chandria and she only gave me a sympathetic nod. Damn it, Nathalie! Why is it so hard for you to wear a smile? Then I realized that I already abandoned all the smiles I used to have after all the shits that happened... after all the mess I have been through.

The joyful smile that was taken away from me.. the high hopes I've had that has been thrown away.. the trust I gave but was only destroyed and shattered into pieces... But the tragedy didn't stop by that... Hell no! As it brought nothing but pure misfortune to my whole family.

A kind of powerful bad luck that is still an issue up to now.

How can I even smile knowing that my parents are suffering in Manila while trying to save a company that is obviously failing?

How can I be happy knowing that I have to live in every single day with a negative thought consuming my head and telling me that nothing goes right anymore?

How can I be positive when I can see it all clearly? That my life is truly a mess and I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything but to escape... to run away from everything just to save myself from such cruel memories? How?

"Happy birthday, Nathalie..." I whispered to myself, even deep inside my heart, I know that I am already drowning... almost dying.