Broken Vows

Rana and I didn’t talk about her or my plans anymore that night. When it was time for dinner, we joined Rich, Jakob, and Rana, and we chatted with them happily. I find myself envious of Rana; she makes it seem so easy to be open. She smiles and talkes about nothing in particular. I am finding it hard to want to be in the same room with people, and I certainly have nothing to chat about.

I start thinking perhaps I am becoming just as bitter as Lilith, that my heart will never let me open up to anyone again. I am having a hard time even talking with Rana, and I love her like a sister. These wounds in my soul run so deep.

“What do you think, Willow?” Rana says my name, and I look up from the plate of food I am merely pushing around with my spoon.

“I’m sorry. I was lost a moment. What do I think about what?” I ask, looking back at the food as I smash an overboiled carrot.

“I asked if you would like to go with me to see Jakob’s packlands? Not until this is all over, of course. I want to see everything.”

Rana is smiling sweetly, and her dark blue eyes dance with life. I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t plan to live through any of this. My one hope is that killing Hadeon will be the end of me as well.

“That sounds nice, thank you,” I lie politely, but I can see the light fade in Rana’s eyes. I know she can tell I’m lying.

“I’m tired, and we are starting out early in the morning, aren’t we?”

Rich nods, and I excuse myself from the table. I head back to the room Rana and I will share for the night. I have just gotten into the room and am about to close the door when Rana pushes it open, looking at me sternly.

“You don’t want to make it out of all of this, do you?”

Her blunt question and angry tone catch me off guard for a moment. Rana is kind and gentle by nature, and this is far from her typical character. It is shocking. I don’t know when she got so determined and outspoken.

“I just think that it is possible the spells I have to use might be too much for me,” I respond flatly.

“But you can’t just give up.” Rana looks sad and concerned as she sits on the little chair in the corner of the small room. I take a seat on the bed.

“My magic isn’t what it was before. Simple spells are still taxing. I don’t think I will improve much more than I am now. The spells I have found will take everything I have in me and then some. I don’t know if there is a place in this world for me anyway. I have lost my heart and my soul. Everything hurts so much all the time. I’m so tired of this pain Rana. I have lost my Serena. We don’t know if we will ever find Cadmus. And even if we do, how he could forgive me for what I have done to him? I don’t deserve forgiveness, and I won’t ask for it. So if killing Hadeon means the end of me as well, then so be it. At least I will die knowing I did one thing right in all of this.” Rana lets a tear slip from her eye, and I feel guilty for it.

“I won’t let you die, you know that. I still need you,” Rana says.

The next thing I know, she has me in a crushing hug.

“Death might be able to help you get Serena back. Please swear to me that you won’t give up, Willow. You will always be needed. We will figure out a way to fix everything.” I hug Rana back more for her benefit than mine. I have made peace with my fate.

“I swear I will try to come out of all of this, but I am telling you Lilith isn’t even sure that I will regain enough of my magic to do what I have to do. I have started storing what I can in the sapphire, but it still might not be enough.”

I fiddle with the large stone around my neck. I have been filling it with magic the way my mother taught me, but I worry it won’t be enough to complete the many spells I need. I still haven’t found the spell to free Death from Hadeon, and everything else will be pointless until I can do that.

Rana lets me go slowly and wipes away a couple of tears. “Well, you have to try. I can give my magic to you.”

Rana is sweet to offer, but I have been avoiding leaching on others’ powers on purpose. I find the idea off-putting after what Hadeon did to me. I know I will need to rely on the strength of our small coven when the time comes, but I would like to avoid it as much as possible for their safety. If I am linked to them with magic, Hadeon can drain their power by using me as a conduit to get to them. I don’t want that, so I would like to rely on my own power.

“I will think about it. I just need to keep everyone safe from his reach. We need to get some rest, though. We will be waiting in the woods for that pompous King to decide if seeing me is worth his trouble, and I will need your help. I would like to look a little more appealing than I currently do.” I smile at the plain purple dress I’m wearing, and Rana giggles.

“I offered you other dresses,” she says.

“I know that, but this one is comfortable,” I state plainly.

We change and get into bed. Rana falls asleep quickly, but I am not so lucky. I fill the sapphire with more magic and lie in bed listening to Rana’s steady breathing. The stone is warm in my hand as it sparkles in the moonlight shining through the window.

When sleep finally finds me, it is restless and riddled with nightmares. I hear the strange voice of a girl I don’t know, but it is always her voice. I hear my sweet Serena, and from time to time, I dream of Cadmus. I swear there are times my dreams feel so real I hate to wake up from them. I can’t tell what are visions and what are dreams most of the time. I feel like these must all be dreams because my Serena is gone, and Cadmus can’t be found.

I’m the first one awake in the morning. My restless dreams make sleeping very long impossible. I get dressed, and soon Rana wakes and dresses silently. Once ready, we head downstairs and find Richard sitting with Jakob. Rich pushes a mug of black coffee toward me as we sit down at the table; Rana wrinkles her nose at us. She never did acquire a liking for coffee as I have. The one time she tried it, she put so much sugar in it that I thought Elizabeth would go mad.

“We will head out soon,” Rich says, looking around the empty room. We will be a bit close to town, and Rich is nervous about prying human eyes and ears. We all simply nod as a stout woman brings bowls of plain porridge. We all thank her, but none of us want to eat it. We have become far too used to Elizabeth’s cooking to settle for plain porridge.

Once we finish our coffee, we decide to try to slip out of town unnoticed and head for the woods. I still don’t know if Gavin will open a portal for us. We can’t just open a portal ourselves because it is a Fae talent no witch can master. Also, Gavin has his realm sealed to any outsiders that want to enter. They must seek his permission first. It is becoming more and more that way, with magical communities sealing themselves off from the outside world. I wonder if it is in response to Hadeon’s attacks or the growing populations of humans. They are quickly beginning to outnumber us. I know Hadeon thought them to be insignificant, but I don’t know about that. I genuinely believe that soon they will be the majority. We already hide from them when we can.

Our little party silently walks as Jakob leads us on a winding path through the trees. I know what he is doing. He is circling us around in case anyone follows us. I just think he is being paranoid. Once we are one mile directly to the north of Bryer, we have nothing to do but wait.

Rana and Richard start shielding the area with simple concealment spells. I offer to help, but Rana says they have everything well in hand. I know she is still upset with me. Sitting here and waiting is going to be the most agonizing thing. I sit and think over what I need to say to Gavin to how to win him over. As I practice a few simple spells, Rana and Jakob play checkers while Rich paces around. It would be just like Gavin to keep us waiting all day.

You can imagine my surprise when the air begins to hum and crackle. The air swirls as silver light mixes in the air. It looks like melted metal pools. The mass of light grows brighter and larger as it melts in on itself. Once it stops growing, I stand and brush off my skirt. Rana has done my hair in soft curls. She has casted a few other beauty spells to help me regain the look of youth I lost long ago.

“Well, looks like he is at least curious,” I declare. Rich grumbles a bit, still unhappy with my plan to charm the King.

“We can’t keep him waiting forever.”

I brush out my skirt one more time and steady my nerves. I know what I have to do, and I don’t plan to back out now.