Bend Me, Daddy

I CAME BACK to full consciousness slowly, like I was swimming up from the deep end of the pool. I bobbed on the surface of the water for a moment, only to sink back into the peaceful depths. Someone tucked the comforter close around me, and then I fell back into oblivion.

The second time, I became aware of birds chirping outside and I smiled. But I fell asleep again without realizing it.

It wasn't until the third time that I was able to stay awake. Mostly because of the pressure of my bladder.

Opening my eyes, I blinked against the sunlight and immediately closed them again with a moan. Who the hell opened the blinds? Or maybe they just burned so much still because of the damage done by the contacts. Gradually, I was able to keep them open, and I noticed the sun was nearly in the same position it was in when I went to sleep.

Please tell me I'd slept more than an hour.

Was Luca still asleep? Afraid of waking him, I carefully turned my head to look over my shoulder. He wasn't in the bed.

With a sigh of relief, I flopped over onto my back, wincing as the wound on my chest pulled. Or maybe it was the tape. Good god, I had to pee. My hand crept up over my shirt, probing at the bandage that was pulling. "Good morning. I was starting to worry you weren't ever going to wake up."

My head snapped to the side, and my arm flopped back down to the bed. Luca was sitting in the chair in the corner of my room, looking freshly showered and shaved and dressed in his usual attire of black slacks and a black button-down shirt. He had what I had dubbed his "house shoes" on his feet, a pair of black loafers.

"You've been asleep for over twenty-four hours," he told me. His eyes dropped to the bruise on my jaw and then lower, where I'd been touching my chest. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I have to pee," I said, as I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. I took my time, brushing my teeth and running a brush through my tangled hair, then braiding it into a single, loose French braid that hung down to the middle of my back. I didn't help. I felt no more human than when I'd come in here, but at least my bladder was empty. Knowing I couldn't hide in there forever, I braced myself and opened the door.

Luca was sitting exactly where I'd left him, his elbows on his knees with his fingers laced and his head hanging forward. When he heard me come out, he looked up, his blue eyes traveling from the top of my head to my bare feet and back again, only slower on the way back up.

"So, what now?" I blurted. "What happens now?"

Moving slowly, Luca stood, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his slacks. He just looked at me for a long time.

"What happens now, Luca?" Surprisingly, I felt quite calm as I waited for him to tell me what my future would behold. Or if I'd have a future at all.

"You stay here with me," he finally said.

"For how long?"

He ignored my question. "You can stay in this room if you're comfortable here."

"Alone?"

"Not alone," he told me in that same neutral tone. "You're going to force me to sleep with you every night?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

I eyed him. Though his posture was relaxed, there was a steel glint in his blue eyes and a set to his jaw that told me arguing with him would do no good. But still, I tried. "What if I don't want you in here?" "I don't care."

I crossed my arms over my chest, then dropped them again when it hurt. "So after everything you put me through, you're telling me that after all that shit, what I want doesn't matter? Like at all."

His eyes traveled over my face. I couldn't read what was there. "I have some things to take care of," he told me as he walked out of the room. "I just wanted to be here when you woke up." And with that, he left me alone in my prison. After he'd gone, I stood there for a long time, unsure of what to do with myself. Memories of my days with Mario crashed through me, no longer held off by exhaustion and force of will. I swayed where I stood, the room spinning around me until I realized I wasn't breathing. My mouth gaped open like a fish out of water, and I stumbled over to the bed, sat down, and put my head my head between my knees until the feeling passed and I could drag in a shaky breath. I stayed like that, just breathing, until the panic attack or whatever the hell that was had passed.

I sat up and rubbed my face with my hands. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm not there anymore. I'm here. I'm here."

Luca's words came back to me. I wouldn't be alone. He would be here with me every night, whether I wanted him here or not. A sense of comfort draped over me like a soft blanket. Looking around the room, I finally recognized what it was I was feeling.

Relief.