Bend Me, Daddy

Even though I'd thought the same thing, the fact that he was asking caught me off guard. "I don't think so. I think I had my period right before you showed up. That's why he washed me." The only other explanation for the dried blood on my thighs was something I didn't want to think about.

Though he didn't move from where he was or tighten the hold on my hands, I sensed the way his entire body became rigid. "Who washed you?"

"The guy who ran the house. The one I told you about. He just" -I thought back to that last day, trying to see through the fog of my memories-"hosed me down outside."

Enzo looked at me like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "He fucking hosed you down? Like a goddamn dog?"

I remembered the ice-cold water hitting my naked skin like a thousand needles. But still, "It was good to feel clean," I told him.

He clenched his jaw, clearly not liking what that implied. I glanced at him. He was angry. Because he cared for me? Or because he considered me his property and someone else had touched something he owned without his permission? After a long moment, he brushed back my hair with his fingers and stood, the movement smooth and graceful. "We should eat before breakfast gets cold." Turning my chair back around, he pressed a kiss to my temple and went to get his own food. As he spooned eggs on his plate, he said casually, "If you need to talk to someone about what happened to you, Veda has a really good therapist that she likes. I'm sure she would make time for you."

I picked up my fork as he sat down across from me. My stomach growled as I looked down at the pile of food he'd given me. "Who is Veda?"

"My boss's woman. Luca."

Luca, the underboss. "Oh."

"Do you want me to make an appointment? You don't have to worry about the cost."

"No," I immediately told him. "Thank you, though," I added when I realized how short I sounded. I'd had enough of therapists to last me three lifetimes. And after the last one accused me of stealing things because I wanted my father's attention, I'd be perfectly happy never to see one again.

"Sera, it might help," he said.

I set my fork down. "How am I supposed to talk about something I don't even remember?" That wasn't true. Not completely. I did remember some of it. Times when I wasn't given my next dosage on time and the stupor began to wear off. Or when the pain forced its way through. But even so, what was there to say? It happened. And now it was over, thanks to the man sitting across the table from me. I just wanted to forget all of it and go on with my life.

"Maybe you can talk to me," he said. "If you want to."

I stared at him across the table. This hard man who was trying so hard to be patient with me. I could see the way he practically vibrated with the effort it took him.

"I want to know everything about you, Sera. The good and the bad."

His words jostled something inside of me. I looked down at my plate and cut off a bite of pancake with my fork, sticking it into my mouth.

"What?" he asked. "What's with the face?"

The syrup was sticky sweet on my tongue, but it was hard to enjoy it with him sitting there staring holes in me.

"Sera. Goddammit. Talk to me."

So much for that patience. I sighed and put down my fork. "I can't. I don't want to. I just want to forget it ever happened."

"It's not that easy, Sera."

"Why not? I just want everything to go back to normal. Why can't you just let it go?" My eyes burned with tears. I didn't want to think about what happened to me. I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to eat this food that tasted so fucking good to me and then I wanted to take another shower and maybe zone out on a stupid show on Netflix.

He sat back in his chair. "Because I should've stopped you from leaving. I should've found you sooner. I should've protected you, Sera. And I didn't."

"I'm a grown woman, Enzo. One who makes really bad decisions sometimes. And you won't always be there to protect me." We sat staring at each other across the table. He didn't like that answer. But it was true. "Besides-" "Don't even fucking give me the 'we barely know each other' bullshit," he bit out.

"But it's true," I told him softly.

He shook his head, but he didn't say anything else. Lifting his chin toward my plate, he said, "Stop fighting with me and eat your breakfast. The doctor will be here soon." Grateful to stop talking, I dug back into my pancakes. I felt like I hadn't eaten in...well...a week.

We'd just finished when there was a knock on the door.

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"I'll get it." Enzo ran into the bedroom first, pulling on a black T-shirt as he walked over to the door.

The doctor Enzo had called was a short, portly woman who looked to be in her fifties with kind eyes and a business-like manner. She took me back into the bedroom and chased Enzo out when he tried to follow us, then closed the door in his face after telling him we'd be out shortly.

I almost smiled at the shocked look on Enzo's face right before he was shut out.

"Okay, let's take a look at you," the doctor said after I'd gone into the bathroom and changed into a gown. I'd gotten to thinking while we were waiting for him that it wouldn't be a bad thing to get an exam. Although I felt okay, Enzo was right. I could have some kind of internal damage. Or worse, I could be pregnant. The doctor indicated for me to lie on the edge of the bed where she'd covered the mattress with a sterile sheet. "I apologize for the lack of a professional setup. Just lie here like you normally would on an exam table and scoot down to the edge, leaving your heels on the bed. Enzo told me you've had a rough time this past week."

I handed her the clear plastic cup I'd just peed in. "You could say that," I told her as I got into position.

"I'll try to make this as quick as possible," she told me.

Sitting down on the chair she'd pulled up to the bed, she told me to relax my legs, and I did, letting my knees fall open. She had a bright light standing next to the bed. I wondered where it came from. "How often do you make house calls like this?" I asked her to take my mind off what she was doing.

"Oh, you'd be surprised," she said. "I've been working for the family for quite a few years now. I have an office, but I rarely use it. I don't mind, though. It gets me outside."

I stared at the ceiling and tried to relax.

"Do you remember having any pain, Sera?"

"Some cramping. I thought it was my period."

"And when did that start?"

"I don't remember exactly. It usually only lasts three days. Sometimes four. I'm on the pill, but I wasn't taking them this past week."

She made a knowing sound. "Were you due to get your menstrual cycle?"

I tried to think back. "Honestly, I don't remember. But they're in my bag. I could check."

"Okay. That's fine." She pulled her instrument out of me and pulled the gown back down over my knees.

I lowered my legs and sat up.

"I didn't see anything that won't heal up pretty quick," she told me in a sympathetic voice. "But if you have any pain or any other concerns, call me right away." "Okay."

"I don't know everything that happened to you, but if you feel up to it, it's perfectly okay to have sex again. Or to wait. It's up to you and what you're comfortable with, Sera. But physically, you should be fine. And you can go ahead and start taking your pills again."

I nodded to let her know I understood. "Can I go get changed?"

She smiled. "Yes. I'm finished."

"Thank you," I told her. "For coming here and doing all of this."

"No need to thank me," she said. "Mr. Delligatti paid me very well to make a house call."

After I was dressed again, I joined her and Enzo out in the other room. The doctor was giving Enzo a full report, and she smiled again when she saw me. "The preliminary pregnancy and STD tests came up negative, but I'll send them to the lab just to be safe, so still take precautions until you hear from me."

I nodded, as a feeling of relief nearly overwhelmed me. "Thank you."

She handed me a card. "Call me anytime if you need anything."

Taking it from her, I thanked her again.

"Thank you, doctor," Enzo told her as they shook hands.

I watched Enzo as he walked the doctor out to the hall with mixed feelings. Now there was nothing to keep him from insisting I live up to my end of our deal.

Only thing was, while I was lying in there, I decided I wanted out.