Bend Me, Daddy

I did know. And I'd read an article about that guy. All about how he was now one of the youngest billionaires in Austin. The article had also had a picture.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I told her. There was no way in hell I was going to finally lose my virginity to a guy who looked like he was fourteen. "Enzo asked me... no, that's not right... he ordered me-through the concierge-to come back and meet him in the lobby of his hotel on Tuesday night at eight."

Jade grinned. "Well, there you go! You'll have a second chance."

I looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "I'm not going to go." "Why not?"

"Because he's mafia, Jade!"

She raised her eyebrows as if to say, "And?"

I rubbed my forehead with my fingertips. "You just don't get it. I have to stay away from him. If he figures out who I am, my father will be the next to know, and his men will be down here to collect me in a hot minute."

"I think you're just being paranoid. If he didn't recognize you right off, how will he know who you are unless you tell him?"

"No, Jade. I'm not." I laid my palms flat down on the table and tried to emphasize just how wrong she was. "You don't understand because you only play in that world. You don't live in it. The mafia is like a giant spiderweb across this entire country. The entire globe! Every big city has its boss, the one that calls the shots, but they all work together whenever they need to. The Italians, the Russians, the Irish... And it's a big sausage fest. For as family oriented as they are, very few women have any power within this network. We're treated like possessions. Wives are there to cook the meals and raise the kids and smile pretty so the men can pat themselves on the back on what good providers they are. How manly they are out there playing gangster while the little woman waits for them at home, barely staying one step ahead of the FBI and a life in prison. Or worse, getting gunned down in the streets, leaving their families alone with no means to provide for themselves. So they have to depend on the boss to make sure they're taken care of. And they're not allowed to leave the 'family.' Ever."

"I didn't realize," she said quietly. "I mean, I've seen the movies. And I know that organized crime exists, but I've never been involved, other than to be someone's arm candy. I'm shooed away to go powder my nose when the men I'm with have to talk amongst themselves. I only see the glamour of it all, not the reality."

Sighing heavily, I sat back. "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to unload on you."

She gave me a small smile. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I think from now on I'm just gonna stick to my waitressing job at the club. And who knows?" I smiled. "Maybe I'll meet someone, and I can have a normal one-night stand like everyone else. I just won't get paid for it." Jade finished off her glass of wine and stood up to put it in the sink. "Are you sure?"

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"I'm sure."

"Alright," she said as she passed me on the way to the bedroom. "But keep the money. You gave him your time. You earned it. And if you change your mind, just let me know."

"I will," I called after her. "Thanks."

"Night!"

"Goodnight," I called after her.

When I was alone once again, I got up from the table and washed both of our glasses and turned them upside down in the drying rack. Finished, I wiped down the counter, rinsed out the sponge, and then leaned against the sink and stared at the envelope of money lying in the middle of the table.

Slowly, I walked over to it... and then left it where it was as I got my sleeping clothes from the couch and went to the half bath off the kitchen to brush my teeth and get ready for bed.

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When Jade had offered to let me stay with her and brought me here so I could get out of the cheap hotel I was in, I couldn't hide my surprise. With the kind of money she made, I'd expected something much bigger and fancier. And I knew what she made because she'd come into the club where I worked alone one night bitching about a date who'd stiffed her.

But the place was in a newer building in a nice part of the city, and Jade, I'd discovered, was a practical girl underneath it all. It was the reason she'd gotten into her line of work. Why slave from nine to five when you could have rich men-or women-take you out to parties, buy you fancy clothes and five star meals, and then pay you just for the honor of your company? The sex was an added bonus for her. And she had enough of a reputation within the industry that she could pick and choose who she slept with, so all in all, not a bad gig.

But even though Jade was always talking up how great the job of being an escort was, it wasn't the life for me. Being around rich people made me nervous. And when I got nervous, I developed a tick of sorts...

Walking over to my coat where it hung on the rack beside Jade's, I stuck my hand down into the right front pocket and pulled out the porcelain crucifix I'd lifted from the restaurant. Jesus hung from the cross with his eyes closed, a crown of thorns on his head and each hair perfectly in place. There was even a little blood painted on his hands and feet to add that realistic feel. I didn't know why I took it. I barely remembered doing it. It had no value to me. No meaning. I didn't need it. And yet, there it was. Judging me.

Tears filled my eyes as I shoved back into my coat pocket. Surely, I was going straight to hell for all the things I'd stolen in my life. I'd look up the restaurant online tomorrow and take it back as soon as they opened. I could pretend I'd lost my phone or something and thought I'd left it there. Or maybe I could just put in the mail anonymously with an apology letter. Surely the family who ran it wouldn't remember everyone who'd been at the party. And as soon as it was back in its rightful place, I'd stop at the catholic church on the corner and go to confession. It would be my first time there, so I wouldn't have to go into a long explanation of how I'd been doing this my entire life and couldn't stop, no matter how much I wanted to.

The response the priests always gave me was to pray. Just pray and everything would be better. It was their fucking answer to everything.

But praying hadn't saved me in this life, no matter how much time I spent on my knees.

Maybe it would help me out in the next one.