novelxo Acts of Atonement: Chapter 25
I CAN’T BELIEVE I just stood there like a fucking idiot. I didn’t even try and stop her from walking away.
After talking to Cassie, I was able to convince her to let me take the boys back to the house. This gave me the perfect opportunity to wait up for Bella without looking like a crazy stalker, and also giving me a chance to hang out with her little brothers—it’s been a while since I schooled them in some Mario Kart.
After a couple of rounds of video games and some pizza, I’ve finally managed to get the boys to bed. It’s bordering on ten o’clock and there is still no sign of Bella.
As much as I would like to avoid a confrontation with her, we need to hash out the reasons why I omitted important information. She needs to understand that I love her and what I did was for her own good. Her own good. I repeat the words over and over in my mind, asking myself if it’s really the reason why. But the front door opens before I’m able to answer my own question.
Bella steps inside, her hair looking wind-blown and her eyes bloodshot from tears and exhaustion. Her eyes meet mine and a frown instantly forms on her pretty lips.
“Where’s Cassie?” Bella asks, her voice hoarse with emotion.
“I told her I would watch the boys until you came back.” I motion toward the formal sitting area. “I need to explain. I was caught off guard at the hospital, but I swear, if you give me a moment to explain things to you it will all make sense.”
Hesitantly, Bella takes a couple of steps forward into the adjoining room. I grab her hand, surprised she lets me, and bring her down onto the loveseat by my side.
“Everything I did was done out of love. Well, fear and love,” I try to explain but my thoughts are all jumbled up and I’m finding it hard to get things straight. “I’ve never had a real relationship. You are the first woman I’ve ever wanted a forever with and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t absolutely terrified of losing you.”
“Sure didn’t seem that way when you broke up with me last week.” Bella huffs out, clearly exasperated with my reasoning.
“You already know why I did that.” I blow out a breath, feeling exasperated myself. “I fucked up. I’m human. I make mistakes just like any other man. But I can assure you that no other man will love you as much as I do. You and I, we were made for each other and I will always put you first in everything that I do. I will always do what I can to protect you.” I shoot her a precarious smile. “You’re my little moon. Keeping you happy and safe is my job.”
The corner of her mouth lifts in a half-smile. “All that is beautiful, but I still don’t understand how keeping that information was protecting me?”
“In all honesty, it wasn’t just one thing. You say I don’t trust you but that isn’t it at all. I love you so much I can’t bear the thought of you suffering any more than you already have in your short life. The thing with your father was weighing heavy on you and I couldn’t bear to throw another bomb on top of what you were already dealing with… I also wasn’t sure you’d want to stay with a person whose father helped ruin your parents’ relationship.”
“That’s where you’re supposed to trust me, William. I’m strong. I can handle whatever you have to tell me. I’ll be okay. Besides, I would never blame you for the actions of another. That was between our parents. It had nothing to do with you.” Bella looks into my eyes, concern and love shining through despite her own pain.
“I know that, but you can’t blame me for wanting to keep you safe and away from any unnecessary suffering. I love you. You are so precious to me, and I never want you to feel anything other than joy.”
“I love you too, William, but thinking like that is unrealistic. If you want something with me, something real, then we have to be a team. You have to be upfront with me about everything.” Bella’s gaze flicks back and forth between my eyes, searching for anything untold. “If there is something else you’re keeping from me, now is the time to tell me. I don’t think my heart could take another bombshell.”
Letting out a breath, I let go of a half-truth. “There are other things that are under investigation. Nothing is confirmed which is why I haven’t told you about them. I didn’t want you to have to stress about something that could potentially be nothing.”
“William, so help me God…” Bella narrows her eyes and moves to stand.
Reacting quickly, I grab her by the waist and pull her down onto me. “Bella, this is a two-way street. You also have to trust my judgment. If you want to be with me, you have to let me be a man and protect you. To some degree, at least. I understand that you’re a strong independent woman, but you are still my woman.”
Bella relents, softening her body into me as she pouts her pink lips. “I understand that. I just don’t want to be blindsided when things happen.”
“I get that,” I say, wrapping my arms around Bella’s waist. “I’m about to tell you something else and I need you to remember what you just said about not blaming me for the actions of others, okay?”
Bella nods, worry etched across her beautiful face.
“We recently discovered my mother was the one who ran into your car three years ago.” I hang on to Bella, fully expecting her to bolt out of my lap, but she just sits there quietly—staring at me blankly.
Out of nowhere, Bella begins to laugh, and what began as a small giggle soon turns into full-blown fits of laughter.
“Bella? Are you okay?” I ask, concern riddling my voice.
“Oh, the irony. I’ve constantly avoided relationships, not allowing myself to love because of some fucked up notion that my mother’s death was somehow my fault. Only to turn around and fall in love with a man whose mother was the real reason my mother died. I can’t escape this. I will somehow always be linked to my mother’s death.”
Grabbing Bella’s face between my hands, I force her to look at me. “Little moon, it’s time you practiced what you preach. How can you blame yourself for the actions of others?” I ask as I stare into her tumultuous silver eyes. “It was my mother who decided to drive into your car, not you. It was our parents who decided to have an affair, not you.” I wipe her tears away with the pad of my thumb before bringing her face to mine and kissing her forehead. “You and I, we were just pawns caught in the middle of their poor decisions. None of it was your fault, Bella. None of it.”
“I get it. Really, I do. I just…” Bella cries out.
“Just let it go, Bella. Stop trying to atone for the sins of others and let it go. Let yourself live.”
Bella falls into my chest, her silent tears soaking my shirt as she finally gives herself permission to let it all go.
We sit there in silence for a long while before either of us moves. Deciding to be the first, I lift Bella’s face to mine and place a soft kiss on her lips, silently asking her if she’s okay.
Bella’s eyes flutter open, her eyes piercing me with their intensity. “I wanted to know everything.” A sardonic laugh falls from her lips. “Be careful what you wish for, right?”
I smile a sad smile. “I promise, I won’t keep any important information from you. But you have to understand that if I only have partial information, I’m still likely to keep it to myself.” I stroke her hair, playing with the ends. “I never want to see you like this. Ever. It’s my job to keep you happy, not to make you sad.”
“Speaking of making me happy…” Bella shoots me a mischievous smile. “What are we going to do about our sleeping situation once we’re back home? I’m sure Dad will want us to stay at the house and it will get tricky keeping our relationship from him.”
“That reminds me, there’s something else I have to tell you.”
“Oh, god. I’m really regretting telling you I wanted to know everything.” Bella lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “Okay. Seriously though, what now?”
“Heather was threatening to tell your father about us. That was another one of her sources of blackmail.”
“I hate her!” Bella shouts.
“Shhh. You’ll wake the boys.” I press a finger to Bella’s lips. “But, yes. I know. She’s a piece of work.”
“She’s a piece of something, alright.” Bella shakes her head in disgust. “So what’s the plan then? Lay low for how long? We can’t keep our secret forever, it’s bound to get out.”
“I think until your father is stable, and based on how well he handled himself today, I’d say that will be sooner rather than later. Also, the guys and I are working on a plan to take Heather down so it definitely won’t be long before we can resume our regularly scheduled activities.” I playfully waggle my brows.
“Good.” Bella laughs and gently swats my shoulder. “I’ve missed you like crazy and hate sleeping without you. I’d hate to have to go and replace you.”
“You wouldn’t dare. I’d hunt you down and spank your bottom raw.” I bring my mouth to hers, swiping my tongue across her plump lower lip, taking it into my mouth and biting it hard.
Bella squeals. “You wouldn’t…”
“Oh I would, and you don’t even want to know what I’d do to the poor schmuck who’d try to take my place.”
“Is that so?” Bella moves to stand, wiggling her ass in my face.
“Are you trying to tempt me, little moon?” I swat her peach of an ass and let my hands linger, squeezing her cheeks hard. “How about we go back to our room and enjoy the little time we do have?”
Bella nods enthusiastically, eager to get started on our fun.