A Pinch of Cinnamon

Nick’s POV

God, I am such an asshole. Why did I leave like that? I just slammed the door and walked out. I didn’t even give Spencer a chance to talk. About ten minutes after I left, I knew I had made a huge mistake. But I needed to cool off.

I drove around town for a little while and then decided to go to the next town over to stop at McDonald’s. So here I am, sitting in my truck with a burger and fries and a chocolate milk shake, dwelling on our argument and why I left like I did. God, I am a fucking idiot.

I honestly don’t know why I left. We had been arguing the past few days because Spencer wanted to walk around and do some light work outside. Her doctor did clear her but something in my mind kept yelling no. I didn’t want her around the animals.

I just want to keep her safe.

I can do that if she stays inside and does light housework. I never want to see her injured like she was again. I failed to protect her. I wasn’t about to fail again. I guess keeping her in the house was my way of doing that.

Now that I’m alone and dwelling on my actions, I can see how stir-crazy Spencer has been. She had been commenting on increasing what she does for a week or two now but only recently did she really start arguing with me about it. I pushed her too far. I was scared and frustrated and reacted badly. I hate myself right now. Spencer doesn’t deserve this; she has already been through so much.

I shouldn’t be controlling her. That’s not what a supportive spouse does. And now I’m sitting alone in another town, wishing I was with her. Wishing I was strong enough to control my own emotions. My fear for keeping her safe came through as anger and I let it get the best of me.

She does not deserve that.

She’s the light in my life. The past few weeks have been amazing. I moved in almost completely. I share her bed and her room. She even made half the closet mine. We parent Jayden together, always checking with one another about how we think things should go. We are a family. Just like I’ve always wanted.

I belong with them.

Knowing I spent long enough cooling off, I head home to talk with Spencer. I needed to apologize and do whatever I can to make it up to her. We need to talk about everything, and I need to explain my actions.

My stomach drops when I drive up the driveway and don’t see her car. The house lights are off. Shit, where did she go?

As I unlock the door, I can hear my phone chiming. Only then, did I realize I forgot it.

Fuck. Spencer has probably been trying to reach me. What is wrong with me? I’m a 30-year-old man who had a full blown tantrum.

Shit. Spencer must be worried sick.

I check it, fully expecting Spencer to be blowing up my phone asking where I was and if I was okay. I am going to have so much ass kissing to do.

My stomach plummets to my feet and my face pales seeing the messages on my screen. Instead of my amazing girlfriend, I see a vile demon.

Shit. Fucking bitch.

Lucinda.

There were like 5 messages. The last two made me want to punch something.

Why aren’t you texting back?

Baby?

I wanna fuck.

Who is the slut you’re with on your Facebook page?! You know no one can match up to me!

I clench the phone in my hand, trying not to break it into bits and pieces. I immediately block her number and delete the messages. But not before realizing the first one was sent about ten minutes after I left.

Fuck! Did Spencer see it?! She must know I’d never do that to her. She’s the only woman I could ever see in my life.

But where was she?

I quickly press her contact to call her, but it goes to voicemail.

I text her.

Baby, where are you? Are you okay?

I wait a few minutes before trying again.

Baby, I’m so sorry. Please reply.

Another few, tense minutes go by. Though it felt more like an hour.

At your parents. Had to pick up Jayden. Your mom had us stay for dinner.

My shoulders sagged in relief knowing she was okay. Then guilt and embarrassment flood my body completely shattering the relief I was just feeling.

I forgot I was picking up Jayden.

Jesus, what is wrong with me?! I rub my hands down my face wearily. What kind of man forgets to pick up his kid?

I feel awful. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to them. Not even that, but I forced Spencer into driving because I decided to have a tantrum! She had no way of even contacting me should she have wanted or needed to.

My phone dings.

On our way home.

Drive safe. I love you so much. I reply instantly.

I needed her to know.

I know Spencer. Most likely she was eating herself alive with negative thoughts because I left. She needs to know I love her no matter what. I’m going to have to make it up even more to her if she saw those texts from Lucinda.

I keep myself occupied by doing the dishes and cleaning around the house until I hear her car pull in the drive. I force myself to keep from running out and sweeping her into my arms. She’s probably pissed at me. I can feel my stomach churning with nerves.

Jayden comes sprinting through the door first.

“Daddy!”

I scoop him into my arms. “Hey buddy! Did you have fun with Pops and Nan?” Jay has been calling my mom Nana now. It is adorable and she cried hysterically. I may have laughed at her....and videotaped it.

“Yup. I missed you.” I can see Spencer walk in from the corner of my eye. She looks beat down and exhausted. Her shoulders were slumped, a disheartened look on her face. She looked broken.

I feel ten times worse just seeing her. How could I have snapped at and stormed out on this goddess before me?

“I missed you too bud! Mommy too.” I glance at Spence who smiles weakly in return.

Jayden lets out a large yawn and I can see the exhaustion wash over him.

“Why don’t we go wash up for bed, little man.” I carry him upstairs and start his bedtime routine, hearing Spencer follow us. We never let Jayden go to bed without both of us saying goodnight.

Jayden and I play with his boats in the tub for a good half hour before I take him out to dry him off. He picks him jammies for the night, and I tuck him in.

“Daddy.”

“What’s up?”

“I love you.” My heart blooms with his words. He really is the most amazing little guy.

“I love you too, little man.” I kiss his forehead. “Mom will be in shortly to say goodnight.”

I find Spencer collapsed into the bed, curled in a ball. Her hair wet from showering. My mood sours a little, noticing I missed our shower together. But I knew we both needed to talk first.

I walk over and gently brush her damp hair back. Her emerald eyes drift open. “He’s all tucked in and ready for his goodnight kiss.”

I help her sit up and she pads softly to Jayden’s room. It always amazes me how quiet she can still be with a clunky cast on her leg.

I sit on the bed and lean back against the headboard. A few minutes later, she returns. She crawls up the bed and surprises me by wrapping her arms around my waist, cuddling right up and laying her head on my chest.

I hug her tightly, not wanting to let her go even for a second.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles into my shirt. Why is she apologizing? I was the ass.

“It’s my fault baby. I’m so sorry for leaving like that. I don’t know why I did it. I was just tired of arguing and I handled it very badly.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” She sniffles.

“I know I was annoying and frustrating you. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I’m horrible at relationships and this just proves it.” Did she really think that? So far, she’s been amazing. I know she doesn’t have much relationship experience, and her last one was dysfunctional, but she has no reason to say she sucks at relationships.

“Look at me, Spence.” I tilt her chin up when she refuses to meet my eyes.

“Every couple fights. No matter how much you love each other, it’s bound to happen. But it doesn’t mean that you’re bad at relationships or that we don’t love each other anymore. There will be times when I’m annoyed with you or you are annoyed with me. We just need to work to communicate clearly and without anger.” I kiss her lips softly, happy that she doesn’t pull from my embrace. “You are the most important person in my life besides Jay. I love you with all my soul and I will never leave you.”

“I’ll try harder to speak without snapping. I’m sorry, Nick.” She kisses my chest.

“I know you are. I’m sorry for how I handled everything. I’m just petrified of losing you. I guess I thought if you weren’t around the animals, then you wouldn’t get hurt. It’s my fault you got hurt in the first place. If I had been there, I could have protected you.” I squeeze her tighter against me.

“What? Nick you can’t blame yourself! It was not your fault in any way whatsoever.” She stares at me in shock.

“I wasn’t there for you.” I mumble, trying not to relive the terror I felt seeing her lying on the ground bloody and unconscious.

Spencer rises up to her knees as best she can in her cast and takes my face in her hands.

“It is not your fault. I asked you to run errands. I’m the one who didn’t wait for extra help. I thought it would be easy. I could back the trailer up and open the door and he could just walk out. I wasn’t paying attention to him when I was closing the trailer door again. It is my fault and only mine. You can’t blame yourself for this.” She brushes her fingers across my cheek bones before capturing my lips with hers.

She pulls back before the kiss turns too heated. “Nick, I wish you had told me sooner you felt like this. I guess our communication really does need work.” She chuckles. “I’m sorry for today. I love you so much.”

I sigh in relief. “I love you too. I will try and work harder at communicating clearly and not flying off the handle. We good?”

She curls back into me. “We’re good.”

I quickly take of my shirt and pants before crawling under the covers. As soon as we are situated, she snuggles right back into my arms. Exactly where she is meant to be. We switch off the lights and start to drift off.

I was almost asleep when Spencer mumbles.

“By the way, did you get Lucinda’s messages?” My eyes immediately snap open.

Shit.